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Have I understood letting go of my self concept wron - Dhamma Wheel

Have I understood letting go of my self concept wron

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MrLearner
Posts: 55
Joined: Sun Mar 03, 2013 3:32 pm

Have I understood letting go of my self concept wron

Postby MrLearner » Fri May 03, 2013 2:26 pm

Hello everyone,

I don't know why, but I'm so harsh on my self. Sorry it is difficult to explain, but I find it very difficult to forgive me for very minor mistakes. For example, yesterday I borrowed some notes from my friend, and he asked me to return it in 2 days. I genuinly forgot and was only able to return it to him a day before the exam. It was not a major exam. Anyway this was a very careless and selfish by me, but I genuinly forgot and it was not my intention to do this. I have been lately labelled as selfish by few of my friends (I don't blame them). Anyway but I truly know in my heart that I'm far from selfish, and I really help my friends when they are in trouble . Now the thing is when something like thisn happens I find it very hard to forgive me. I keep telling myself what I did is selfish and I'm guilty about it.

Then for some strange reason, I'm thinking forgiving myself is like loving my self and been attached to myself (which is not a good thing in about buddhism). So I don't like to forgive myself because if i keep telling my self I'm very good, I'm very kind hearted etc it is like loving myself too much, and I'm scared I would be attached to myself a lot. Now I'm understanding that there is something wrong with my thinking and I have understood this letting go of self concept very wrong.

Also I'm starting to think, that to truly love and care for others. You must love yourself first.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. "

I was also wondering if this quotes suggests this. Your help would be appreciated. Thanks a lot :smile:

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purple planet
Posts: 653
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2012 6:07 am
Location: Israel

Re: Have I understood letting go of my self concept wron

Postby purple planet » Fri May 03, 2013 2:47 pm

To forgive someone you need to know he really means it so if he says his sorry but dies the same thing again than its not ok -

so you can forgive yourself but next time if you take someone notes and now you learned how important it can be for someone than write down a small note that says something like : "dont forget to return notes to y before x date"
now if you do this you know you did all you can not to forget and can feel good about yourself -

if you learn from the past than you can fully forgive - i know this is not the answer to your question but its a partly answer hope it helps a bit
Please send merit to my dog named Mika who has passed away - thanks in advance

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daverupa
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Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2011 6:58 pm

Re: Have I understood letting go of my self concept wron

Postby daverupa » Fri May 03, 2013 3:55 pm


binocular
Posts: 3391
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: Have I understood letting go of my self concept wron

Postby binocular » Fri May 03, 2013 6:18 pm


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Mohan Gnanathilake
Posts: 64
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 6:16 am
Location: Ragama, Sri Lanka

Re: Have I understood letting go of my self concept wrong?

Postby Mohan Gnanathilake » Sat Jun 10, 2017 3:29 pm

The Gautama Buddha taught that as long as there is the concept of self, there will be no end to attachment (lobha), ill-will or aversion (dosa) and attachment (moha).
All thoughts begin in the mind, mind is supreme and mind-made are they. If one speaks or acts with impure mind pain follows him like the wheel the hoof of the ox.
(Dhammapada 1, Yamaka Vagga – The Twin Verses)

All thoughts begin in the mind, mind is supreme and mind –made are they. If one speaks or acts with pure mind happiness follows him like one’s shadow that never leaves.
(Dhammapada 2, Yamaka Vagga – The Twin Verses)

Mr.Mohan Barathi Gnanathilake
Permanent Address : No. 372 / 2 , Mahara Prison Road , Ragama, Sri Lanka.
Telephone No :+94 112957857
Email :[email protected]

2600htz
Posts: 159
Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:37 pm

Re: Have I understood letting go of my self concept wron

Postby 2600htz » Sat Jun 17, 2017 8:29 pm


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BasementBuddhist
Posts: 259
Joined: Sat Apr 08, 2017 1:03 pm

Re: Have I understood letting go of my self concept wron

Postby BasementBuddhist » Sun Jun 18, 2017 1:24 pm

I used to be exactly like this. Wrapped up in my own thinking too much. The thing is, this Self, this 'I' that you are so worried about is not real. You make this person up in your head as you go. So, basically what you are saying when you say you are selfish is: this person I see myself as is selfish. This person I see myself as is forgetful. This person I see myself as has friends who think he is selfish. But you, whatever your real name is, isn't real. All that YOU are is a body and mind, some thoughts, some feelings, and some habits and patterns. This is what the Buddha taught. So if the mind you have is forgetful, don't feel bad about it, this just creates suffering. Try something new to help you not be forgetful. If you are angry at the body or mind, thoughts, feelings, or habits, do your best to accept and let go of this anger and then try to look at it a new way or start doing something different.

The whole point is not to be obsessed with things, saying they MUST happen like this! If they do it is great, if they do not it is great too.

If you don't already, meditation helps with all of this a lot.

Good luck and if you need further help, just say so.


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