Hey

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Hey

Postby photonist » Sat May 11, 2013 10:36 pm

Hi,

I am Omer from Istanbul Turkey, i am 24 years old. I want your opinions and guidances on what i am going to write. But I guess i should stop acting perfectionist and just write what i am thinking.
I lately feel like i am lost, not lost as in lost lost but depressed and foggy minded lost. I used to be a muslim or lets say someone who believes,accepts there is a god or something that is greater than sum of what there is and something conscious beyond us ever can be. But i found out that i only believed out of fear of death, fear of punishment named as in hell. I used to think that non-religious or people who weren't in the same religion as i am in were wrong. Now it turns out i have existential questions which i tried to supress like some other stuff. I didnt ask myself "why there is something rather than nothing" instead of "what if i get punished when i die?" Now i ask the deeper questions, now i cam empathize with believers, non-believers or people inbetween and all these states are totally reasonable maybe because i experienced them. Anyways i just feel like i am living life as if i am avoiding it, i am not living it to its fullest. I dont mean this in a conventional self-help book way. You know some people are so passionate so crazy to do crazy to live even crazy to die. I feel like i am just flowing with the currents of life in a "lost" way instead of dancing with the flow way.
Another problem i have is, i never had a girlfriend even a childhood one in my life. That isn't tragic or unusual. I still dont have one and lately it started to bug me. I feel lonely as if someone lost their audition/hearing and they feel like crazy about that. That silence/loneliness is bugging so much. It is easy to fix a problem even if it is a hard one if you know the problem, when the problem is to diagnose the problem itself i guess any help you can get is thankfully welcomed. Anyways i am asking this here because i read about meditation/buddhism etc etc but going the path and knowing the path are two complete different things. So hearing from someone experienced and an outsider to "me" would make a better judgement about it.

and thank you for reading so far
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Re: Hey

Postby Ben » Sun May 12, 2013 12:20 am

Greetings Omar,

I think what you have expressed something very similar to what many people (regardless of their background) go through as they question, and/or abandon the religion they have grown up in and become aware of a different way in the form of the Buddha Dhamma and whether it is suitable for them.
Just continue to get to know the Buddha Dhamma through reading, attending retreat (if possible), and discussion.
kind regards,

Ben
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.

Taṃ nadīhi vijānātha:
sobbhesu padaresu ca,
saṇantā yanti kusobbhā,
tuṇhīyanti mahodadhī.

Sutta Nipata 3.725


Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR
Buddhist Life Stories of Australia

e: ben.dhammawheel@gmail.com
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Re: Hey

Postby David N. Snyder » Sun May 12, 2013 3:51 am

Welcome to Dhamma Wheel!

:meditate:
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Re: Hey

Postby cooran » Sun May 12, 2013 4:52 am

Hello Omar,

Welcome! Many of us understand how you are feeling - don't expect quick answers - just keep studying and seeking. :group:

With metta
Chris
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
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Re: Hey

Postby Crazy cloud » Sun May 12, 2013 10:50 am

photonist wrote:Hi,

.[b][b] I feel like i am just flowing with the currents of life in a "lost" way instead of dancing with the flow way. [/b][/b]


and thank you for reading so far



Take it easy - you just have to learn a new way to dance, and the old waltz that you'we been used to dancing is just clinging on to you - keep dancing, and the rythm will surely get you to ..

peace out

:console:
your name Mori means forest like the infinite fresh green distances of your blindness
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Re: Hey

Postby photonist » Sun May 12, 2013 7:26 pm

i feel very welcomed :) thank you all for your welcome. Umm i want to ask you say keep studying and seeking, where how and what should i seek? I lately just think and we see where it gets me. As Rumi says what i am doing is like trying to search the sun with a candle in my hand :D
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Re: Hey

Postby Ben » Sun May 12, 2013 9:59 pm

Hi Omar,
The Introductory Resources thread in the Discovering Theravada sub-forum would be a good place to start.
kind regards,

Ben
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.

Taṃ nadīhi vijānātha:
sobbhesu padaresu ca,
saṇantā yanti kusobbhā,
tuṇhīyanti mahodadhī.

Sutta Nipata 3.725


Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR
Buddhist Life Stories of Australia

e: ben.dhammawheel@gmail.com
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Re: Hey

Postby photonist » Mon May 13, 2013 11:18 pm

Those resources were kind of helpful, i already was having similar thoughts,feelings towards faith of god since you believe out of fear and that only makes things worse even god exists believing out of fear is like trying to imitate behaviour of an intelligent person in order to become like him/her.

It is good to know that it's the suffering that leads to actual sincere will to go to the path of finding the truth/existential discovery. Like every journey it is unknown, good or bad can happen its not about the journey already staying still is also a journey but that seems more safe and comfortable due to it's illusion of "known and habituated environment" its just out of routines we feel safe i guess but staying still is much more painful to suffer the way you already suffer and know that you don't even care it may feel worse to take the journey since suffering makes me blind already.

Nirvana,samadhi,enlightenment or awakening whatever regardless of the label i guess without that life will be like prison just like the way it already is, just like in prison daily life becomes a chore, get up brush your teeth, go to school/work do your responsibilities, try to have fun when you have free time or keep trying and sleep. I guess maybe that's why there is a quote "most people die at their 27 we just bury them when they are 70" You just get used to living and its not that exciting anymore. Without some challenges, ups and downs and new ways of stimulation you just waste it. The idea of wasting my life the way i already do like i am living my life like i am just skipping it until something good happens like avoiding it is painful. I guess it lately became more painful than the daily euphorias can ever balance it so i just dont see there is a way out without doing something different. It feels like what i am experiencing could be a decent milestone on my life/spirituality or whatever, any point in your life can be milestone though anyways i can try to adopt some pet goals, challenges, relationship stuff, stuff to obsess, things to exaggerate and set them long term goals in order to make it more sacrificing thus worthy or illusionary of worth to make my life more interesting increase that ups and downs to experience the acceleration related adrenaline rush like stimulation of the experiences anyways

I can't feel sad the way i used to feel sad lately though i just feel idle, its not easy to find a mentor/teacher or a guide well at least it seems to be where i live, what do you think i should adopt to my daily life and apply myself to just even to see what i really need to seek?
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Re: Hey

Postby photonist » Mon May 13, 2013 11:26 pm

my current/lately mood is like "i am not aware,awake enough to enjoy but i am not ignorant of it enough to be ignoramusly euphoric,happy. It's like you want to be a writer but then you realize you grew up to be able to see beyond words, they are just labels, witty word plays or aphorisms prove nothing more importantly will not help you feel nothing better than what you already have inside
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Re: Hey

Postby Dan74 » Tue May 14, 2013 12:21 am

photonist wrote:my current/lately mood is like "i am not aware,awake enough to enjoy but i am not ignorant of it enough to be ignoramusly euphoric,happy. It's like you want to be a writer but then you realize you grew up to be able to see beyond words, they are just labels, witty word plays or aphorisms prove nothing more importantly will not help you feel nothing better than what you already have inside


Merhaba Omar!

I was in Istanbul last July and really enjoyed your amazing city. I think there used to be a Buddhist group that met for meditation, maybe it is still functioning?
It can be very valuable to find other people who have similar interests and you are lucky to live in a country where you can explore these interests freely without fear of persecution. I met a Turkish lady there who is Buddhist and who maintains correspondence with a Buddhist teacher in the US for guidance. Isn't it amazing that such things are possible these days?

Buddhist path is first and foremost a practical path, it is a practice more than the doctrine, I would say. This practice involves doing the right thing (being kind and honest, etc), just like Islam, contemplation of the teachings and meditation. But everybody comes at it from a different direction depending on their personality and tendencies.

Good luck with it!!!
_/|\_
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Re: Hey

Postby photonist » Fri May 17, 2013 10:45 pm

I hope they are still functioning i will try to contact with them, could you share any details you remember about them to me so i can find them? :)


And Ben http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... toend.html i started with this link as an introductory to well lets say everything. I am so thankful for learning especially the dukkha. It is like it fits to everything, We always heard that buddhism was about ending the suffering but i never knew dukkha like this. It's like explaining no no no it is actually explaining why i do or do not whatever i do, i am. Anyways i am glad i found this forum, community and resources you shared. I have some reading to do i guess. Btw i usually translate whatever i read to learn and perceive better you know as it's said "if you can't tell it to someone else, you didn't learn it enough". Do you think translating it would be helpful for me or i should keep going yet maybe translate later

Oh btw thank you seriously again.
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Re: Hey

Postby cooran » Sat May 18, 2013 12:53 am

Hello Omer,

Hope this Information can be of assistance:

Buddhist contact in Turkey

Address: Bebek, Istanbul Bebek, Istanbul 80815
Tradition: Non-Sectarian
E-mail: inelmen@boun.edu.tr
Contact: Erol Inelmen

We would like to have a group of people here to practice towards a sangha This list of Buddhist groups on Europe is strictly tentative and provisional. It is posted in the hope that Buddhist organisations in Europe will Contact us with details that we can post here.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goenka Vipassana

Address: Millet cad. No.82 Fındıkzade, Istanbul, Turkey Contact details for vipassana meditation courses
Tradition: Theravada
Phone: (532) 471-28-28
E-mail: melekcilingir@yahoo.com
Contact: Melek Cilingir.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

with metta
Chris
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
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Re: Hey

Postby photonist » Tue May 21, 2013 10:14 pm

I started meditating,
at first i was able to keep it for 2.5 minutes per 3 times in one session. And i just kind of realized "im bored" "thats enough for one session" kind of thoughts are also monkey mind thoughts. You really see you know anything about yourself when you observe all the thoughts you think. It is strange i sleep less way too less than usual for two days i usually sleep 10+ hours. And dreams are vivid :D
i tried lucid dreaming so much but meditating seems to be more effective as a side effect than the techniques primarily intended for lucid dreaming
I usually look at things as goals to progress on and i read that this especially in this field is against progress. I meditate to get to know myself and feel the effects of meditation it is kind of unexplainable like drugs let alone drugs its like tasting something :D you cant describe the components of a taste like you can just use "hot", spicy but you cant define spicy and meditation is most peaceful thing i ever encountered. But it is funny i often avoid it with excuses to myself.
corona i tried to contact Melek Cilingir couldnt reach her yet. I sms'ed but i will call her next time. tomorrow
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