I was looking at articles on an internet site( bullyonline.org) about attention seeking and bullying in the workplace
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/attent.htm
...and I wondered , do some of us unknowingly (or knowingly) hide behind our avatars and involve ourselves in these behaviours in online groups ?
Any thoughts?
Attention Seeking and Bullying
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
I guess it comes down to how much goodwill, compassion and sympathetic joy one is willing and able to put into one's perceptions.
From the perspective of greed and anger, pretty much everyone is a bully and an attention-seeker.
From the perspective of greed and anger, pretty much everyone is a bully and an attention-seeker.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
I get a mild thrill from belittling or being dismissive of others here, or showing off my own attainments or knowledge. Of course, I tell myself that I am really preventing misrepresentation of the Dhamma, or I am "admonishing" people, and it's all done with a veneer of good will. And when people criticise me, then it just speaks volumes about their own lack of metta, doesn't it?Aloka wrote:I was looking at articles on an internet site( bullyonline.org) about attention seeking and bullying in the workplace
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/attent.htm
...and I wondered , do some of us unknowingly (or knowingly) hide behind our avatars and involve ourselves in these behaviours in online groups ?
Any thoughts?
I think I'm the only one, though...
- retrofuturist
- Posts: 27858
- Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 9:52 pm
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
- Contact:
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
Greetings,
In other words, you might be anonymous to others, but you can never be anonymous to yourself.
Metta,
Retro.
I don't. You've got to be able to live with yourself, and your self-esteem is actually the way you assess yourself, as if you're another person looking in, assessing your actions and qualities. If I'm being a jerkface, that won't sit well with me or others, and I don't want that.Aloka wrote: ...and I wondered , do some of us unknowingly (or knowingly) hide behind our avatars and involve ourselves in these behaviours in online groups ?
In other words, you might be anonymous to others, but you can never be anonymous to yourself.
Metta,
Retro.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
Absolutely true.retrofuturist wrote: In other words, you might be anonymous to others, but you can never be anonymous to yourself.
A related thought is that if you behave as well online, where you are anonymous, as you do in real life, where you aren't, then you're probably behaving online as well as you can.
If not, not.
Kim
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
I don't knowingly go after attention or seek to bully others, no. But we can't always be sure of the motives behind our behavior. Everyone has some degree of neurosis, it's often said.
I do enjoy a debate, and if a certain thread seems meant for that purpose, then I don't have any qualms about going at it with whatever chess pieces I have available. But if I sense that the discussion is generating bad feelings or leading to someone feeling cowed or dejected, then it's time to back off.
I do enjoy a debate, and if a certain thread seems meant for that purpose, then I don't have any qualms about going at it with whatever chess pieces I have available. But if I sense that the discussion is generating bad feelings or leading to someone feeling cowed or dejected, then it's time to back off.
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
Thanks Aloka,
I always think its useful to engage in some critical reflexive self-analysis - whether its in regards to our Dhamma practice or whether it is in relation to something a bit more mundane such as online interaction. It is all too easy to adopt an alternative online persona or modify our behaviour (even unknowingly) to say and do things we would not do in "the real world".
With online behaviour here at Dhamma Wheel, I believe we have a pretty good balance. In partnership with our membership we have developed a relaxed and respectful environment in which to discuss the Dhamma, our lives and various interests. Excesses of behaviour which breach the TOS are subject to moderator attention.
kind regards,
Ben
I always think its useful to engage in some critical reflexive self-analysis - whether its in regards to our Dhamma practice or whether it is in relation to something a bit more mundane such as online interaction. It is all too easy to adopt an alternative online persona or modify our behaviour (even unknowingly) to say and do things we would not do in "the real world".
With online behaviour here at Dhamma Wheel, I believe we have a pretty good balance. In partnership with our membership we have developed a relaxed and respectful environment in which to discuss the Dhamma, our lives and various interests. Excesses of behaviour which breach the TOS are subject to moderator attention.
kind regards,
Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725
Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global Relief • UNHCR
e: [email protected]..
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725
Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global Relief • UNHCR
e: [email protected]..
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
Hi Ben,Ben wrote:Thanks Aloka,
I always think its useful to engage in some critical reflexive self-analysis - whether its in regards to our Dhamma practice or whether it is in relation to something a bit more mundane such as online interaction. It is all too easy to adopt an alternative online persona or modify our behaviour (even unknowingly) to say and do things we would not do in "the real world".
With online behaviour here at Dhamma Wheel, I believe we have a pretty good balance. In partnership with our membership we have developed a relaxed and respectful environment in which to discuss the Dhamma, our lives and various interests. Excesses of behaviour which breach the TOS are subject to moderator attention.
kind regards,
I wasn't suggesting there was anything amiss here at DW, I was refering to the internet in general and to my own online interactions.
I think its possible to assume a lot about others which might be completely inaccurate, when one only has the written word . Indeed some people can have serious mental health difficulties and other problems in their lives which we may never get to know about, if we're not discussing personal issues with them. Sometimes these private issues can spill over and affect their internet communications
In some ways therefore, it can be less straightforward than dealing with the workplace bullying and attention seeking that I was reading about originally, so I guess its always best to be cautious, as well as polite.
With kind wishes,
Aloka
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
Hi Aloka,
No worries re: culture here at DW.
It was an opportunity to allay any concerns regarding behaviour here anyone may have.
The problem seems to be a fairly universal one at discussion boards, from my limited experience.
I have seen some pretty nasty behaviour on a health, fitness and weight-loss forum where I am a member and a horse riding forum that my wife participates in.
I haven't witnessed any of the nasty trolling that happens on facebook and the tribute pages on facebook, though I have seen a recent british documentary about a radio personality who tracked down one of his online stalkers/anonymous bloggers. I can't remember what it is called but it was an excellent exploration of the issue.
kind regards
Ben
No worries re: culture here at DW.
It was an opportunity to allay any concerns regarding behaviour here anyone may have.
The problem seems to be a fairly universal one at discussion boards, from my limited experience.
I have seen some pretty nasty behaviour on a health, fitness and weight-loss forum where I am a member and a horse riding forum that my wife participates in.
I haven't witnessed any of the nasty trolling that happens on facebook and the tribute pages on facebook, though I have seen a recent british documentary about a radio personality who tracked down one of his online stalkers/anonymous bloggers. I can't remember what it is called but it was an excellent exploration of the issue.
kind regards
Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725
Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global Relief • UNHCR
e: [email protected]..
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725
Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global Relief • UNHCR
e: [email protected]..
- Crazy cloud
- Posts: 930
- Joined: Sun May 12, 2013 8:55 am
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
Irl, we communicate 25% verbally, and 75% non-verbally - and I have difficulties remembering the last time i'v met personas irl who where impossible to find common ground with. And to indulge in arguments and discussions around personal belifes are just adding suffering to oneself, and makes the real job a bit more difficult. So the solution is for me not to engage at all, and let things pass in their own ways.
Hefty discussions is like being carpetbombed in ego, and I dont stand that type of warfare whitout feeling strong urges to re-pick up my own guns and go for the old: eye for an eye
anyway how thinly you slice the truthsausage, you still end up with the fact that your slice has two sides ... witch one belonges to you?
Dont wake up a sleeping bear - but if the bear is awakened, then teach him som meditation
Have a nice day
Hefty discussions is like being carpetbombed in ego, and I dont stand that type of warfare whitout feeling strong urges to re-pick up my own guns and go for the old: eye for an eye
anyway how thinly you slice the truthsausage, you still end up with the fact that your slice has two sides ... witch one belonges to you?
Dont wake up a sleeping bear - but if the bear is awakened, then teach him som meditation
Have a nice day
If you didn't care
What happened to me
And I didn't care for you
We would zig-zag our way
Through the boredom and pain
Occasionally glancing up through the rain
Wondering which of the
Buggers to blame
And watching for pigs on the wing
- Roger Waters
What happened to me
And I didn't care for you
We would zig-zag our way
Through the boredom and pain
Occasionally glancing up through the rain
Wondering which of the
Buggers to blame
And watching for pigs on the wing
- Roger Waters
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
I think there is a difference between having a slightly different/odd/spiky/culturally/socially/conditioned background and having something like Munchausen Syndrome, for example. I think that we need to be weary of pigeonholing.
- Thanavuddho
- Posts: 135
- Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 11:00 pm
- Location: Finland
Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying
Greetings,
Anyway, all that aside, it is a good board.
Metta,
Thanavuddho
I think there are many good things here in DW, but you do have room for improvement. I encountered a situation where my thread was moved out of sight and edited. I considered it unnecessary and was not happy how the situation was handled. The abbess of the monastery I was staying received a phone call regarding the thread. I have read other members complaining about various things and one member contacted me who had been banned from here.Ben wrote: With online behaviour here at Dhamma Wheel, I believe we have a pretty good balance. In partnership with our membership we have developed a relaxed and respectful environment in which to discuss the Dhamma, our lives and various interests. Excesses of behaviour which breach the TOS are subject to moderator attention.
kind regards,
Ben
Anyway, all that aside, it is a good board.
Metta,
Thanavuddho
“Tasmātihānanda, attadīpā viharatha attasaraṇā anaññasaraṇā, dhammadīpā dhammasaraṇā anaññasaraṇā.”(DN16)
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