Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby clw_uk » Mon Jul 29, 2013 9:44 pm

convivium wrote:ordain



I plan to someday but I'm not ready yet
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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby convivium » Tue Jul 30, 2013 5:32 am

So you're not ready to ordain, but are ready to abstain from the orgasm. How long have you done that before, if you don't mind my asking? Do you have a teacher that practices brahmacariya and supports you in cultivating it?
Just keep breathing in and out like this. Don't be interested in anything else. It doesn't matter even if someone is standing on their head with their ass in the air. Don't pay it any attention. Just stay with the in-breath and the out-breath. Concentrate your awareness on the breath. Just keep doing it. http://www.ajahnchah.org/book/Just_Do_It_1_2.php
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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby Zom » Tue Jul 30, 2013 8:08 pm

From my experience 2 things are extremely helpful in that:

1) Sense restraint practice. This was really hard for me (now somewhat easier), since I'm of lustful type of character - mind just glues to different attractive objects and thoughts and sometimes I forcefully and painfully turn it away from them. What is more difficult in my personal situation is that I'm married, but still, there is a possibility for me in this field of practice -) And, practising this quite a lot, I've realized, that if you do not keep up this important practice - moment will come and you'll fall back to sexual activity being not able to resist it any longer. So this is very very very important thing, that is, sense restraint. What is more - if you don't live alone, but have a partner, who is very sexually active and lustful - there is no way you can ever succeed.

2) Contemplation of unattractiveness - that is - "unclean" body parts and corpses (a lot of pictures in the i-net). This is a very powerful tool as well, but it should be undertaken with care. This kind of contemplation also helps well in establishing and deepening anatta perception.

And one big advice - do not rush into it all at once. Better to make slow steps here. Mind can't be cleansed of sexuality all at once - this is a gradual process.

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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby clw_uk » Tue Jul 30, 2013 10:48 pm

convivium wrote:So you're not ready to ordain, but are ready to abstain from the orgasm. How long have you done that before, if you don't mind my asking? Do you have a teacher that practices brahmacariya and supports you in cultivating it?



Well abstaining from sex is just one of the restraints, I'm not ready to ordain because of social ties that I have at the moment

I tried before and I think I managed to maintain it for about 3 weeks (this was a few years ago) and I dont have a teacher as such, my nearest monastery is some distance from me
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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby clw_uk » Wed Aug 14, 2013 5:01 am

So thought I would give some updates on my celibacy vow

I won't lie I have given in to masturbation, but far less than I did before

One of the things I have learnt, through being aware of sexual lust when it arises, is that it burns like a fire

The want to indulge in it burns, the being denied it burns

Yet its a fire that can be observed and allowed to go out on its own, ... and the cessation is peace.

Only when my mindfulness wanes does the "fire" get more intense and engulfs my mind (for example when I see a good looking guy and give into his "signs and features" instead of just being mindful of him).

However I have found my mindfulness has grown in strength, mostly through simply observing lust when it arises, maybe because lust is more "sharp" a condition and is more obvious (when your actively restraining).

I realise the "fire" metaphor is old, but it is the only metaphor that can describe my experience of the want to have sex

Anyway still striving to be completely celibate :)
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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby Ben » Wed Aug 14, 2013 5:50 am

clw_uk wrote:One of the things I have learnt, through being aware of sexual lust when it arises, is that it burns like a fire


That it does.

clw_uk wrote:Anyway still striving to be completely celibate :)

Mudita on your noble efforts. When striving to overcome any craving, generating equanimity is key.
In the words of my teacher, "be aware, be equanimous."
When there is equanimity, there is no striving.
My apologies - I don't mean to sound like Yoda.
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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby clw_uk » Wed Aug 14, 2013 5:54 am

Mudita on your noble efforts. When striving to overcome any craving, generating equanimity is key.
In the words of my teacher, "be aware, be equanimous."
When there is equanimity, there is no striving.


I completely agree, its similar to the teachings I have heard from the monks at Amaravati

The trap is falling into aversion from sex, instead of observing it

My apologies - I don't mean to sound like Yoda.
with metta,


Your talking to a hardcore Star Wars fan, Yoda is cool :jedi: lol
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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby clw_uk » Wed Aug 14, 2013 5:55 am

The trap is falling into aversion from sex, instead of observing it


Should say thats observing the craving, not the sex :rofl: :shock:
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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby Ben » Wed Aug 14, 2013 6:04 am

clw_uk wrote:
The trap is falling into aversion from sex, instead of observing it


Should say thats observing the craving, not the sex :rofl: :shock:


Its cool, Craig, I knew what you meant!
with metta,

Ben
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Re: Practicing Celibacy - Advice needed

Postby clw_uk » Mon Aug 19, 2013 4:10 am

Also one thing I have found useful is a teaching I read from a monk (sadly I have forgot his name), which is that when it comes down to it, "sex is just the transmission of bodily fluid and bacteria"

Paraphrased
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