Thanks everyone, sorry if I've not replied to all. I'm busy, cleaning, packing. Starting a new chapter in my life. I've decided to try living with a friend I made recently, we will share a much bigger house than either of us can currently afford, by pooling our resources.
Once I decide to do something, and it is really in my heart to achieve it, I will do it. I just smoked the last of my packet of smokes. I did not follow the one a day thing very well, I just decided instead to just finish off the packet over the course of the week, then go cold turkey. It's all or nothing, moderation with this thing was not working. I'm already feeling a bit emotional but I'm not turning back now.
I might need some encouragement if things get tough. But if human life is so precious as the Teacher tells us, then it's worth seeing this through. I guess that's it then. I almost feel like crying, cos I have not had the usual amount I would have had so far today, there wasn't a whole one even left. It's all gone now.
Joyfully I start the process of detoxification. Luckily for me, I have lots of herbal teas, I can juice barley grass, etc. I will help my body through this process. I know what detoxing from things feels like. It is not easy, but there is also something liberating about catharsis, cleansing out crap is a good thing. The bad feelings that will come, won't last forever, they will be temporary.
A whole lot of things are happening all at once for me. Much change. It feels right to give up totally right now.