chownah wrote:Sanjay PS,
Just to be clear, are you saying that you become sexually aroused so frequently that it is disruptive of your life?
Is this the root of the problem?
It is a deeply ingrained childhood habit .
It had become very weak prior to marriage when most of the time i used to meditate and be aware during work. Even after marriage , i was very surprised that my drive was not as much . It was more like a cumbersome chore.
Then due to weak character and calibre , overtime i found myself not being able to balance both family life as well as walking on the path of knowledge . Gradually my own will began to dwindle , resulting in baser instincts and indifference getting stronger .
So in answering your question, yes . The truth now is that it is disruptive both for my own growth and for my family . I am hoping that bringing out in the open will prevent me from viewing graphic content all together, and strengthen my resolve . I am quite confident that if i apportion a good amount in doing service as well being a student in the retreats , there is every possibility in overcoming the weakness. But having a family and given its day to day responsibilities , makes it not as easy it seems.
Anyway , the wholesome outweighs the unwholesome , yet i know this is a fundamental stumbling block of mine . Mental properties of conceit , anger , hatred , jealousy , ill will or being too attached with the progress of meditation , the nimitas and its jhannas , do not trouble me much .
i hope to swim across, and also help others in swimming across, once done.