No promises but I may have a chance

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
User avatar
Still Searching
Posts: 129
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:28 pm
Location: United Kingdom
Contact:

A Buddhist On Edge

Postby Still Searching » Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:23 pm

I'm starting to become a little like Jim Carry when he was in that movie "Me, Myself & Irene".

I'm slowly getting a little like the Hulk.

You all remembered that post about my bad summer when I returned and how I lost my home? The council refuses to accomodate me. I was so upset and a little angry, I had urges to freak out. When I got home, I started crying, I felt like smashing my fist through the wall. Now I feel guilt.

I was really getting somewhere with the whole meditation and de-attachment thing.

I had very horrible nightmares but 1 of them made some sense. It sounds horrible, I even felt sick myself but it was a dream involving sexual contact.

Before I became serious about Buddhism, I flirted a lot. Not for lust but for love. But being desperate can come off as slightly selfish & greedy. Being too needy shows attachment and attachment leads to suffering.

I think Buddha's sending some kind of message to me? What do you think?

Or maybe my state of mind is not clear enough and I need to meditate more?
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." ~ Siddhārtha, Gautama Buddha

santa100
Posts: 2673
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:55 pm

Re: A Buddhist On Edge

Postby santa100 » Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:15 am


User avatar
Still Searching
Posts: 129
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:28 pm
Location: United Kingdom
Contact:

No promises but I may have a chance

Postby Still Searching » Sun Oct 06, 2013 6:20 pm

As explained, my organs are slowly failing and my health is slowly deteriating due to my depression and numerous self-harm attempts.

I'm in hospital again, the doctors are going try and see if I can be stable from other methods but the chances are very low.

If my kidneys & liver a little stable, they say I might make it but will have to require several treatments like medication regularly or a monitor (this lets the doctors know the state of the organs and if I'll require a translant).

I just thought I'd give you an update. I know a lot of you were very upset, even some members who I rarely converse with.

Metta, AJ
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." ~ Siddhārtha, Gautama Buddha

User avatar
Modus.Ponens
Posts: 2637
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:38 am
Location: Gallifrey

Re: No promises but I may have a chance

Postby Modus.Ponens » Sun Oct 06, 2013 6:58 pm

I'm relieved to hear that there is hope.

May the deep awareness of the fragility of the human body and the impermanence of life lead you to attaining the path.

Metta. :)
He turns his mind away from those phenomena, and having done so, inclines his mind to the property of deathlessness: 'This is peace, this is exquisite — the resolution of all fabrications; the relinquishment of all acquisitions; the ending of craving; dispassion; cessation; Unbinding.'
(Jhana Sutta - Thanissaro Bhikkhu translation)

User avatar
cooran
Posts: 8502
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:32 pm
Location: Queensland, Australia

Re: No promises but I may have a chance

Postby cooran » Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:25 pm

Good to hear Still Searching! :smile:

With metta,
Chris
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---

User avatar
purple planet
Posts: 653
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2012 6:07 am
Location: Israel

Re: No promises but I may have a chance

Postby purple planet » Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:36 pm

Good to hear

just saw this awsome talk - i never listen to ajhan bram talks ever though i see them in youtube recommended bar from time to time - even though i got the time i dont have the power to listen to 1 hour talks - but i mindfully clicked this one 3 hours ago and listen a little and liked it and always planned to close it the next 3 minutes until i watched the whole thing -

i think it realated to your situation very very well - well actually my own also and i think everyones

I dont want to encourage people to start listening to to much dhama talks - its much better to meditate instead of watching videos unmindfuly- i think that even reading is better cause you can be a little mindful
personally my back is killing me so i only read dhamma when i cant meditate

bla bla bla bla anyway this talk is quality stuff :

Please send merit to my dog named Mika who has passed away - thanks in advance

User avatar
Still Searching
Posts: 129
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:28 pm
Location: United Kingdom
Contact:

I'm awake or close

Postby Still Searching » Sun Oct 06, 2013 8:38 pm

Whilst in hospital, I experienced something beyond. It's hard to describe but everything that made no sense to me is beginning to make sense.

I've basically got into the similar state Siddhartha was. I was constantly thinking, none stop thinking. Then I meditated (I am practicing meditation and hoping to get better at it).
After that, I had this huge adrenaline rush and I got flashbacks. Flashbacks from my childhood, teen years till present and now, I feel different.
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." ~ Siddhārtha, Gautama Buddha

Virgo
Posts: 1315
Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2010 10:52 pm

Re: No promises but I may have a chance

Postby Virgo » Sun Oct 06, 2013 10:00 pm




Return to “Lounge”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests

Google Saffron, Theravada Search Engine

cron