Ending of a relationship

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Ending of a relationship

Postby pdw » Fri Nov 15, 2013 3:59 pm

Hello everyone ...

First of all, i would like to say that english is not my first language so please forgive me if i express myself not perfectly.


So here is my little story.
I have been introduce to the dhamma since 2007 when i went to my first course of vipassana meditation by the teacher SN GOENKA.. Since then, i have done a 10 day course every year. Since then also , i have been in a relationship with a non-pratictionner witch is the main idea of my topic .

My last course in january 2014 was very special when i finally felt more metta then ever. And it was the first time that i sat every morning and every evening in a period of 6 month.
Before going to that course in january 2014, i was a bit wondering about my relationship and feeling a bit dissapointed about it, but I was always saying to myself, well i have to work on myself and be more tolerant and accept my partner as it is . I have to observe the sensation becaus what i feel is not not becaus of him but becaus of my old stock of unhappiness.
So when i came back from my course , I was happy about the work on myself and i was just thinking about following the path, i felt that i could love more and more and it did actually during a certain period of time , But then, after having a 3 weeks trip in the summer with my partner , i felt more aversion toward him and i felt that i was not feeling love anymore. I felt doubt about myseflt and my practice , about not accepting things, about not being a good meditator . I was thinking , well i am practicing the dhamma , i should be more loving and accept people as there are but it didnt and i decide to broke up. I felt a bit struggle inside becaus i really though that , by being a good meditator , i could be more stable in my relation and find more peace and compassion in it and it really didnt happen that way. I am questionning myself.
I am going to back to my annual course in january ...

All comments are very welcome
thanks so much for your time
metta

Patrick
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Re: Ending of a relationship

Postby reflection » Fri Nov 15, 2013 4:54 pm

Hi,

Welcome to the forum.
Why did you feel averted to him?
The Buddha said we should choose our friends and partners wisely. If a partner is not supportive or helpful, it may be for the best to break up. The following is an exaggeration, but desperately trying to hold onto a relationship, just for the sake of it, of course is not healthy behaviour.

:anjali:
Reflection
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Re: Ending of a relationship

Postby manas » Tue Nov 19, 2013 12:31 am

reflection wrote:Hi,

Welcome to the forum.
Why did you feel averted to him?
The Buddha said we should choose our friends and partners wisely. If a partner is not supportive or helpful, it may be for the best to break up. The following is an exaggeration, but desperately trying to hold onto a relationship, just for the sake of it, of course is not healthy behaviour.

:anjali:
Reflection


It occurred to me that, the aversion that surfaced, might also not have been due to his partner being the wrong person, but rather due to stuff having gotten 'stirred up' within the mind - as can happen from meditation retreats.

:anjali:
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Re: Ending of a relationship

Postby kmath » Tue Nov 19, 2013 1:48 am

Obvious question here is what about your partner is bothering you? And what do you otherwise love about him or her?
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Re: Ending of a relationship

Postby pdw » Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:40 pm

Thanks for all your answer ...

I think i need be more compassion to myself and be able to let go ...attachment make me suffering ... its time to observe Anicca .... everything is impermanent ...love can have a end .

''Meditate on the relationships in your life to see how they bring you toward or away from awareness, toward or away from skilful and unskilful mental states and activities. As you become more aware of the friendships in your life that are indeed admirable, these relationships will naturally grow and deepen, while ordinary friendships will either fall away — the Buddha is also quite clear that solitude is far preferable to being in the company of those disinterested in cultivating positive qualities — or these friendships will begin to change for the better. The process is what western philosophers would call a dialectic, from the meditation cushion to the world, and from the world to the meditation cushion, a process of interrelationship and building toward awakening.”
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Re: Ending of a relationship

Postby Strive4Karuna » Thu Nov 21, 2013 7:51 pm

So I'm in on the same boat as thread op. I know someone who I don't think Is a good influence on me. I want to end the relationship but do no know how to end it without being rude. He ask me to go for tea and even though I didn't want to I said yes. I have known him since grade school, and even though I try to avoid him he always seems to pop back up in my life even after long periods of absence. The only options I have come up with is blowing him off or telling him that I don't want to be friends anymore. I dont feel good telling him I think he a bad influence though. What are some other options? He also goes to te same university as me so I will run into him from time to time.
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Re: Ending of a relationship

Postby Sanjay PS » Fri Nov 22, 2013 4:38 am

Strive4Karuna wrote:So I'm in on the same boat as thread op. I know someone who I don't think Is a good influence on me. I want to end the relationship but do no know how to end it without being rude. He ask me to go for tea and even though I didn't want to I said yes. I have known him since grade school, and even though I try to avoid him he always seems to pop back up in my life even after long periods of absence. The only options I have come up with is blowing him off or telling him that I don't want to be friends anymore. I dont feel good telling him I think he a bad influence though. What are some other options? He also goes to te same university as me so I will run into him from time to time.



its always nice to develop compassion and then ignore a person who may be troubling . Sooner or later , it will no longer matter , and the person will loose the strength of continuation . More than that the inner vexation within ones heart will die away . Also , the last post of pdw is of great use to apply in day to day relationships and living .

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