I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feelings

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I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feelings

Postby Diego » Wed Jan 01, 2014 3:12 am

Hello everyone. This is the first time that I have registered in a buddhishm forum. In advance I would like to apologize if my english is not well writen... I speak spanish as my first language.

Well, in a nutshell, I´m addicted to Internet pornography. Being addicted to porn is a very complex scenario... there are A LOT of psychological issues involved. To put it all into words would be very hard and long and I´m not here to play the victim, but to ask for your kind advice.

Knowing that this problem is a disease of the mind, Ive been using mindfulness and sitting meditation (1 hour a day) for approx. 3 months in order to overcome the addiction and in general, to improve my life. I can definitely see the changes. Just to name a few:

* I am less anxious and stressed
* I can identify my toughts and feelings more
* I already gained control over a Facebook addiction
* I am a more patient person

When fighting an addiction, there are days when you feel great and you say to yourself "I dont know how I could waste my time watching porn in the past. It´s just pathetic. This clean life is great!" Those are the days you are safe and life is good.
Also, there are days when the cravings are REALLY REALLY strong and relapsing into your old habits seems really appealing. Most of these are times when you are feeling anxious or stressed about life... or maybe something didnt went the way you wanted and that puts you in a low mood.
So guess what? Your mind reminds that you have a way of numbing this feelings...
These days your thoughts go in two directions: The ones that tell you to DONT DO IT and the ones that tell you that relapsing is going to make you feel good.

In my case, the cravings come as mental flashbacks of porn scenes Ive watched in the past. When this starts happening I always take a deep breath and repeat to myself that these thoughts have no power over me. This can calm me down for a few minutes or hours, but then the thougths come back again and it seems as my willpower or "rational part" becomes weaker and weaker. Eventually a relapse takes place. Shame, Guilt and Depression kicks in again.... :?

Saying after a relapse: "Thats it, I´m done with this... I wont do it never again" is very common, but not really realistic.

So I have been reading a lot of stuff to help myself... One of the things that really stuck with me were this words form a psychological article about addiction:

All addiction is caused by suppression of feelings. If we could learn how to Feel our emotions rather than fear them, ALL addictions and recovery programs would literally cease to exist.


And then, today I came across with this Buddhist text, that reminded me the same thing:

"The first of these distinctions, drawn in Text I,2(1), revolves around the response to painful feelings. Both the worldling and the noble disciple experience painful bodily feelings, but they respond to these feelings differently. The worldling reacts to them with aversion and therefore, on top of the painful bodily feeling, also experiences a painful mental feeling: sorrow, resentment, or distress. The noble disciple, when afflicted with bodily pain, endures such feeling patiently, without sorrow, resentment, or distress. It is commonly assumed that physical and mental pain are inseparably linked, but the Buddha makes a clear demarcation between the two. He holds that while bodily existence is inevitably bound up with physical pain, such pain need not trigger the emotional reactions of misery, fear, resentment, and distress with which we habitually respond to it. Through mental training we can develop the mindfulness and clear comprehension necessary to endure physical pain courageously, with patience and equanimity. Through insight we can develop sufficient wisdom to overcome our dread of painful feelings and our need to seek relief in distracting binges of sensual self indulgence.

“Monks, when the uninstructed worldling experiences a painful feeling, he sorrows, grieves, and laments; he weeps beating his breast and becomes distraught. He feels two feelings—a bodily one and a mental one. Suppose they were to strike a man with a dart, and then strike him immediately afterward with a second dart, so that the man would feel a feeling caused by two darts. So too, when the uninstructed worldling experiences a painful feeling, he feels two feelings—a bodily one and a mental one.

“While experiencing that same painful feeling, he harbors aversion toward it. When he harbors aversion toward painful feeling, the underlying tendency to aversion toward painful feeling lies behind this. While experiencing painful feeling, he seeks delight in sensual pleasure. For what reason? Because the uninstructed worldling does not know of any escape from painful feeling other than sensual pleasure. When he seeks delight in sensual pleasure, the underlying tendency to lust for pleasant feeling lies behind this. He does not understand as it really is the origin and the passing away, the gratification, the danger, and the escape in the case of these feelings. When he does not understand these things, the underlying tendency to ignorance in regard to neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling lies behind this.

“If he feels a pleasant feeling, he feels it attached. If he feels a painful feeling, he feels it attached. If he feels a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, he feels it attached. This, monks, is called an uninstructed worldling who is attached to birth, aging, and death; who is attached to sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair; who is attached to suffering, I say.

“Monks, when the instructed noble disciple experiences a painful feeling, he does not sorrow, grieve, or lament; he does not weep beating his breast and become distraught. He feels one feeling—a bodily one, not a mental one. Suppose they were to strike a man with a dart, but they would not strike him immediately afterward with a second dart, so that the man would feel a feeling caused by one dart only. So too, when the instructed noble disciple experiences a painful feeling, he feels one feeling—a bodily one, and not a mental one.

“While experiencing that same painful feeling, he harbors no aversion toward it. Since he harbors no aversion toward painful feeling, the underlying tendency to aversion toward painful feeling does not lie behind this. While experiencing painful feeling, he does not seek delight in sensual pleasure. For what reason? Because the instructed noble disciple knows of an escape from painful feeling other than sensual pleasure. Since he does not seek delight in sensual pleasure, the underlying tendency to lust for pleasant feeling does not lie behind this. He understands as it really is the origin and the passing away, the gratification, the danger, and the escape in the case of these feelings. Since he understands these things, the underlying tendency to ignorance in regard to neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling does not lie behind this.

“If he feels a pleasant feeling, he feels it detached. If he feels a painful feeling, he feels it detached. If he feels a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, he feels it detached. This, monks, is called a noble disciple who is detached from birth, aging, and death; who is detached from sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair; who is detached from suffering, I say.

“This, monks, is the distinction, the disparity, the difference between the instructed noble disciple and the uninstructed worldling.”

(SN 36:6; IV 207–10)"




So, Ive been thinking that maybe my problem is that Im not capable of dealing with how I feel. I´m so conditioned to acting out (watch porn) when I feel bad that now when I try to make the right choice Im powerless over my cravings.

Do you have any advice for me? Any books or articles I can read to help me out on my path to recovery?

Thanks in advance

Sorry for the long post!

Happy new year from Central America!
Diego
 
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Mkoll » Wed Jan 01, 2014 3:28 am

Diego wrote:Eventually a relapse takes place.


Dear Diego,

I hope you don't mind but I've rephrased your statement above, below.

Eventually I give in to the lustful thoughts that I've been entertaining and the pleasant feeling in my genital area. I go to the computer. I turn it on. I sit down. I move the mouse to open the internet browser. I type in the address to the porn site. I look around the site for the right video. Eh, that one's not so good. How about that one? I grab my member and...


My point is there is a definite series of events, of causes and effects that lead up to your guilty orgasm. Also, you wrote that sentence in the passive voice, suggesting it's something happening to you and you have little control. But as my rephrasing hopefully shows, you have control in every step of this process.

As a former addict (of drugs) myself who tried and failed to quit many times, I only finally quit when I was absolutely, one hundred percent, no question about it, convicted that I quitting, now.

In terms of reading material, other than this website, only Buddhist writings come to mind. But then again I'm kind of biased. :tongue:

Good luck and happy new year!

:anjali:
When this is, that is.
From the arising of this comes the arising of that.
When this isn't, that isn't.
From the cessation of this comes the cessation of that.
-SN 12.61

Ex nihilo nihil fit.

Peace,
James
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Diego » Wed Jan 01, 2014 3:50 am

Mkoll:

Thanks for your answer!

I see your point... I have thinked a lot about that. One can think that between the time you make the decision to relapse and the time you orgasm , you can simply stop and go back to normal mode.

BUT, and I dont know if you experienced this as a drug addict, previous to all relapses there is a moment when your mind goes from rational to automatic. From that moment on, you dont care about the consequences of your actions, you just think about getting your fix. In that period of time, I am uncapable of noticing that my mind is in control and that what I am about to do is bad for me. I CANT STOP. The desire is so strong that it takes full control.

Of course, I´m not saying this trying to justify my behaviour.
I just think that if I could deal with my cravings in a better way since the first moment they arrive , when Im in a much more clear minded state, maybe I wouldnt have to put myself in that situation where Im in front of the computer watching porn. Trying to control yourself in that scenario, as an addict, is 1000000 times harder.

Thanks for the link, Ill give it a view!
Diego
 
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Mkoll » Wed Jan 01, 2014 4:18 am

Dear Diego,

I have experience with what you're speaking of. And you're right, at that point it's really hard to stop.

The question is: when does "first moment they arrive" arise for you? What are the causes of what sets the whole process going? If you can catch yourself there and figure out a strategy to prevent yourself from going into "overdrive", you might have a solution.

For a Buddhist solution that a Buddhist monk might use, here is an extract from the writings of a Buddhist monk and scholar, Ven. Anālayo.

Compared with "anger", dosa, passion is less blameable, though it takes longer to be overcome (AN I 200). The arising of passion can be traced to two main conditions: the "sign of beauty", subhanimitta, often attributed to the physical body of the other gender, and "unwise attention", ayoniso manasikāra (AN I 87). The obvious counter method, therefore, is wise attention to the less appealing aspects of the body, examining its anatomical constitution and the unattractive nature of its parts (AN III 323). Additional counter strategies include developing restraint of the senses, contentment with food, wakefulness and mindfulness together with clear comprehension (AN IV 166).


The underlined part is a Buddhist reflection on the repulsiveness of the thirty-one parts of the body. I don't necessarily recommend that you should do it, but I just mention it for the perspective it offers.

:anjali:
When this is, that is.
From the arising of this comes the arising of that.
When this isn't, that isn't.
From the cessation of this comes the cessation of that.
-SN 12.61

Ex nihilo nihil fit.

Peace,
James
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby santa100 » Wed Jan 01, 2014 4:57 am

Five practical strategies to respond to unskillful thoughts:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Aloka » Wed Jan 01, 2014 7:43 am

Well, in a nutshell, I´m addicted to Internet pornography


Hi Diego,

If you don't have the will-power to stop watching porn, then try blocking it from your computer using the methods parents use for their children.

http://www.webroot.com/us/en/home/resources/tips/pc-security/how-to-block-pornography-on-internet-connected-devices

Also consider the fact that people 'starring' in these films often get HIV and AIDS from unprotected sex and that many of the people involved in this industry are involved in drugs and other illegal activities.

:anjali:
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby manas » Wed Jan 01, 2014 8:08 am

Diego wrote:Hello everyone. This is the first time that I have registered in a buddhism forum. In advance I would like to apologize if my english is not well written... I speak spanish as my first language.


Hi Diego, regarding the site Mkoll recommended, I ALSO recommend it. If you look there, you will see that it's even available in Spanish. And you gotta watch this series of videos, man does it change your mind about what is really going on when it seems as though your 'best / noble intentions' get hijacked by the 'what the hell let's just do it' mind...our task has been made more challenging by brain chemistry:



Good luck, and please remember you are not alone! Millions of men (young and old) worldwide have this issue...the fact that you want to do something about it, is a very good aspiration!

kind regards,
manas.
:anjali:
Primum non nocere: "first, do no harm."
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby manas » Wed Jan 01, 2014 9:09 am

Diego wrote:In my case, the cravings come as mental flashbacks of porn scenes Ive watched in the past. When this starts happening I always take a deep breath and repeat to myself that these thoughts have no power over me. This can calm me down for a few minutes or hours, but then the thougths come back again and it seems as my willpower or "rational part" becomes weaker and weaker. Eventually a relapse takes place. Shame, Guilt and Depression kicks in again.... :?

Saying after a relapse: "Thats it, I´m done with this... I wont do it never again" is very common, but not really realistic.


Hi Diego,

I've found using emotions very effective. Like you said, if you don't do it, painful feelings can come up. Well, ask yourself in that moment, what is it you really need? Is it really an orgasm, or is it to call up a friend, listen to some soothing music, watch an inspirational movie instead? To connect with love, with kindness?

So I recommend not just 'denying' yourself, because that can feel sort of cold and empty, like something is still missing. I recommend giving yourself something more wholesome as a replacement.

While learning how to see the impurity of the physical body does help, in my experience, nothing has been as effective in freeing myself from compulsive sexual interest, as learning how to get pleasure from meditation instead. It might not work right away, but over time it can really change things. It's like, meditation can go deep into your psyche, and heal what you could not do with thinking alone. So, if you can learn how to meditate on the breath, I would highly recommend that.

metta,
manas.
:anjali:
Primum non nocere: "first, do no harm."
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby manas » Wed Jan 01, 2014 11:02 am

Hi Diego, all,

this wise monk offers a very helpful video, about porn and masturbation - I recommend it.



kind regards,
manas.
Primum non nocere: "first, do no harm."
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby chownah » Wed Jan 01, 2014 2:09 pm

Addictions happen almost exclusively to people whose lives are empty......so they fill their life with the addiction.
It is all well and good to do what you can to directly confront the addiction but you might find it helpful to take a broader view of your life and try to see why there is nothing in your life to rival the importance of the addiction.
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby waterchan » Thu Jan 02, 2014 12:10 am

Maybe the problem is not your addiction to porn. Maybe the problem is you are trying to "fight" the addiction.

I was addicted to pornography up to my early 20s. I became disenchanted with it when I later realised that the content of porn has very little to do with reality, that it's little more than fantasy. Now I watch pornography perhaps a couple of hours a month. I'm sure my meditation practice and dhamma study had something to do with it, but I didn't try to fight the addiction. The addiction just burned itself out. Now I find that most of the time, porn even turns me off.

You said you're trying to overcome an addiction, but I am not sure if there's anything that needs to be overcome. Just how bad is your addiction to porn? Is it so bad that you lose sleep at night watching porn? Is it a serious obstacle in your daily life? Do you, like, skip school or not go to work, just so that you can stay home and watch porn all day? Do you often feel the urge to commit sexual offences? Is it affecting your relationships with your family and loved ones? Are you sure you're not overreacting to your own addiction?

You cannot "meditate away" an addiction by force of will. If you sit down and meditate with the express aim of getting rid of your addiction, either the mind rebels against being controlled and you get nowhere, or you end up convincing yourself to feel a placebo, false sense of progress. Try something different. I am thinking what Ajahn Chah would say if he were reading this. Instead of restraining your mind to stay away from porn, try forcing it in the opposite direction. The next time you feel a craving for porn, put a clock on your desk, load up all your favourite porn sites and challenge yourself to watch porn for longer than usual! See if you can watch it for an hour, two hours, or three hours longer! See if you can break your own record for number of hours of porn watched in a day. See if you can break your own record for number of orgasms in a day.

Eventually the mind will get bored and it will want to do something else. But don't go away yet. Stop, and reflect for a moment. That is the time to ask yourself the crucial question: why am I getting bored of this now? Why don't I want to watch any more porn now??
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Diego » Thu Jan 02, 2014 3:42 pm

Mkoll wrote:Dear Diego,

I have experience with what you're speaking of. And you're right, at that point it's really hard to stop.

The question is: when does "first moment they arrive" arise for you? What are the causes of what sets the whole process going? If you can catch yourself there and figure out a strategy to prevent yourself from going into "overdrive", you might have a solution.

For a Buddhist solution that a Buddhist monk might use, here is an extract from the writings of a Buddhist monk and scholar, Ven. Anālayo.

Compared with "anger", dosa, passion is less blameable, though it takes longer to be overcome (AN I 200). The arising of passion can be traced to two main conditions: the "sign of beauty", subhanimitta, often attributed to the physical body of the other gender, and "unwise attention", ayoniso manasikāra (AN I 87). The obvious counter method, therefore, is wise attention to the less appealing aspects of the body, examining its anatomical constitution and the unattractive nature of its parts (AN III 323). Additional counter strategies include developing restraint of the senses, contentment with food, wakefulness and mindfulness together with clear comprehension (AN IV 166).


The underlined part is a Buddhist reflection on the repulsiveness of the thirty-one parts of the body. I don't necessarily recommend that you should do it, but I just mention it for the perspective it offers.

:anjali:


I think that first moment of a craving arriving is always related to being worried, deppresed or anxious, wich are times when my mind is going wild . My problem is that I find REALLY HARD not to get disturbed with every day life.
For example, this past days I have been taking a break from the world in my house. Without no worries and doing my daily meditations, I was so calm and relaxed that I realized porn didnt seem appealing for me in that state.

I need to be more conscious about how do I live my life... there are days when I get back home and I realize I go autopilot mode all day. :?

manas wrote:
Diego wrote:In my case, the cravings come as mental flashbacks of porn scenes Ive watched in the past. When this starts happening I always take a deep breath and repeat to myself that these thoughts have no power over me. This can calm me down for a few minutes or hours, but then the thougths come back again and it seems as my willpower or "rational part" becomes weaker and weaker. Eventually a relapse takes place. Shame, Guilt and Depression kicks in again.... :?

Saying after a relapse: "Thats it, I´m done with this... I wont do it never again" is very common, but not really realistic.


Hi Diego,

I've found using emotions very effective. Like you said, if you don't do it, painful feelings can come up. Well, ask yourself in that moment, what is it you really need? Is it really an orgasm, or is it to call up a friend, listen to some soothing music, watch an inspirational movie instead? To connect with love, with kindness?

So I recommend not just 'denying' yourself, because that can feel sort of cold and empty, like something is still missing. I recommend giving yourself something more wholesome as a replacement.

While learning how to see the impurity of the physical body does help, in my experience, nothing has been as effective in freeing myself from compulsive sexual interest, as learning how to get pleasure from meditation instead. It might not work right away, but over time it can really change things. It's like, meditation can go deep into your psyche, and heal what you could not do with thinking alone. So, if you can learn how to meditate on the breath, I would highly recommend that.

metta,
manas.
:anjali:


Really interesting approach. I will be trying this!
Sometimes it seems like porn is THE ONLY THING that would make you feel good... Music, People, Art, anything looks boring next to your drug of choice... But i thik it is a trick of your addicted mind... and it happens when youre not so clear in your thinking.

chownah wrote:Addictions happen almost exclusively to people whose lives are empty......so they fill their life with the addiction.
It is all well and good to do what you can to directly confront the addiction but you might find it helpful to take a broader view of your life and try to see why there is nothing in your life to rival the importance of the addiction.
chownah


Exactly.
PORN IS NOT THE CAUSE, IS THE SYMPTOM.

I´m also trying to get my inner life together... I have a lot of emotional issues I need to take care.
Diego
 
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Diego » Thu Jan 02, 2014 3:53 pm

waterchan wrote:Maybe the problem is not your addiction to porn. Maybe the problem is you are trying to "fight" the addiction.

I was addicted to pornography up to my early 20s. I became disenchanted with it when I later realised that the content of porn has very little to do with reality, that it's little more than fantasy. Now I watch pornography perhaps a couple of hours a month. I'm sure my meditation practice and dhamma study had something to do with it, but I didn't try to fight the addiction. The addiction just burned itself out. Now I find that most of the time, porn even turns me off.

You said you're trying to overcome an addiction, but I am not sure if there's anything that needs to be overcome. Just how bad is your addiction to porn? Is it so bad that you lose sleep at night watching porn? Is it a serious obstacle in your daily life? Do you, like, skip school or not go to work, just so that you can stay home and watch porn all day? Do you often feel the urge to commit sexual offences? Is it affecting your relationships with your family and loved ones? Are you sure you're not overreacting to your own addiction?

You cannot "meditate away" an addiction by force of will. If you sit down and meditate with the express aim of getting rid of your addiction, either the mind rebels against being controlled and you get nowhere, or you end up convincing yourself to feel a placebo, false sense of progress. Try something different. I am thinking what Ajahn Chah would say if he were reading this. Instead of restraining your mind to stay away from porn, try forcing it in the opposite direction. The next time you feel a craving for porn, put a clock on your desk, load up all your favourite porn sites and challenge yourself to watch porn for longer than usual! See if you can watch it for an hour, two hours, or three hours longer! See if you can break your own record for number of hours of porn watched in a day. See if you can break your own record for number of orgasms in a day.

Eventually the mind will get bored and it will want to do something else. But don't go away yet. Stop, and reflect for a moment. That is the time to ask yourself the crucial question: why am I getting bored of this now? Why don't I want to watch any more porn now??


Thanks for sharing your experience. I found your story and insight really interesting.

How bad my addiction is ? As I said before, I realized that I use porn to escape some feelings. Feelings of being bored, sad, anxious, stressed. It is not as bad as other cases I have heard of, but I think it does have some negative consequences in my life, to say a few:

* I tend to view women in a very limited way. As if they were sexual objects, with no feelings or emotions.
* Everytime I watch porn my mental capacities go down. Less concentration, less patience, more irritability
* A terrible feeling of shame and guilt. As I know its useless and actually, its destructive. It puts me in a deppresive mood.


I will be giving a think to your advice.... it is kind of risky I think (to see how much porn I can take), but I found it kind of revolutinary. :)

Ill tell you how it goes, if I decide to try it.
Diego
 
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby waterchan » Thu Jan 02, 2014 4:48 pm

Diego wrote:How bad my addiction is ? As I said before, I realized that I use porn to escape some feelings. Feelings of being bored, sad, anxious, stressed. It is not as bad as other cases I have heard of, but I think it does have some negative consequences in my life, to say a few:

* I tend to view women in a very limited way. As if they were sexual objects, with no feelings or emotions.
* Everytime I watch porn my mental capacities go down. Less concentration, less patience, more irritability
* A terrible feeling of shame and guilt. As I know its useless and actually, its destructive. It puts me in a deppresive mood.


I think you're losing your sense of perspective. In this world there are murderers, thieves, rapists, child abusers, con artists, alcoholic husbands... and you're feeling terrible guilt because you can't stop looking at naked women and keep your right hand out of your pants?

Diego wrote:I will be giving a think to your advice.... it is kind of risky I think (to see how much porn I can take), but I found it kind of revolutinary. :)


What's the worst that could happen?

On anger, Ajahn Chah said that the next time you feel angry, put a clock in front of you and see how long you can stay angry for. I think you have to try it to understand.
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Mkoll » Thu Jan 02, 2014 11:32 pm

Dear Diego,

As waterchan said, don't beat yourself up. You're not harming any living beings.

And I would advise, don't conceptualize an elaborate story around it. It's easy to get lost in our fantasies about why things are how they are and end up believing they are true.

:anjali:
When this is, that is.
From the arising of this comes the arising of that.
When this isn't, that isn't.
From the cessation of this comes the cessation of that.
-SN 12.61

Ex nihilo nihil fit.

Peace,
James
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Diego » Fri Jan 03, 2014 8:25 pm

Thanks for every one of your kind respones!

I have found so much help in talking with you about this problem!
Diego
 
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby Pondera » Sat Jan 04, 2014 12:33 am

I used to smoke. I've quit off and on about three times. The cravings with cigarettes are a lot like the craving for sexual release. They pop up quickly and before you have time to kick the impulse to the curb, you're already lighting up. To quit, i found first off that i need a good personal reason. For me its been "i don't want to be smoking three years down the road so that i can shorten my life and make my last days of life potentially horrible".

Once the excuse has solidified I say goodbye to my last smoke, butt out, and prepare to conquer the urges. When the first one comes, I ignore it. I say "forget it! I just quit". And that works for about three days. Then the addiction takes on a different appearance. Ignoring the urges doesn't work. I start noticing people smoking a million times more than I did when I was a smoker. The observations just keep coming. So I have to avoid temptation. I do this by reaffirming my reasons for quitting. I tell my self "I'm a week in. If I go back, I can look forward to at least another six months of smoking before I have enough will power to try quitting again." After two weeks, with smoking anyhow, it's clear sailing until three months. That's where I am now. I've been here before. The symptoms are a deep longing for the cigarette as if it will give life meaning again. It's like, if only I could have one smoke my life would have meaning again. But that's the withdrawal talking. That's your nicotinic receptors finally letting go of the last traces of the cigarette substance. That's the point where the body is finally going to start putting neurotransmitters from food - like B vitamins - in the place of - you know - large doses of pure nicotine. This will be depressing for another three months. I will form this big existential excuse about how poor off I am without smokes and "why can she smoke? Why can he smoke?" But also the benefits start appearing. You realize you're actually free from the habit - now your just addicted to the idea. And you can say to your self "my health is more important." That's with cigarettes.

So my challenge to you would be - okay - you KNOW that urge is going to come up sooner of later, at one point during the day or another. And you're going to be able to recognize it when it occurs. My challenge for you is to man up and turn away from it. What law of nature dictates (no pun intended) that if you have an urge to do something, you have to go through with it.

I won't sugar coat this. Unless you are able to physically restrain your self from the action, you'll keep doing it. Like quitting smoking, the first time you resist the urge is the most difficult one. You won't want to; you'll say "maybe next time"; right now isn't the best time, etc.

Maybe the next time you have an urge won't be the best time to quit. But keep building mental affirmations about the "drawbacks" of this action. (That is also one of the five methods in the link provided above about overcoming unprofitable thoughts). Build some really strong reasons - like - "would I do this in public?" Etc. Real, genuine reasons why you would be happier stopping. And then when you're ready tell your self it's the last time and the next time you have an urge recall your reasons, notice a certain mental distaste for the act, ignore the impulse and don't act out the urge.

Ignoring the impulse without a mental basis for a distaste for the act will be very difficult. That's my advise. Sorry about the lengthy post.

- Pondéra
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby villkorkarma » Sat Jan 18, 2014 1:48 am

I really liked this thread because I havent thought about the stress Is a konsvekvens of watching porn before. I Think that can change my behaviour. But how did that work (continue follower as do answers) Because I readed about stress and now can see that as a konsveksvens of stress? Or Is it now iaim stressed so. Anyway I readed this book from masters in heaven they said that you dont get happy of sex. So did they mean that the orgasms isnt good? Or does that matter If one has sex - you dont get any extra hapiness from that anyway? How does that work, If you have sex what feelings will you feel? what feelings will you feel when your orgasm come? How will you feel after your orgasm? Good? A Little while after that? Not so good as you were when you sat here and write?[/b] I Believe so. So what do we do with this knowledge?
Last edited by villkorkarma on Sat Jan 18, 2014 3:30 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby villkorkarma » Sat Jan 18, 2014 2:59 am

We must find something else to do, that makes us happy all the time because the feelings we get after having sex isnt good at all. So we can take Little hapiness from this time instead of gross hapiness and gross dissapointment. But how do we change our habbitpattern? We will find something else to do instead of having sex. But what?! Lay down on the floor and be happy about that? YESS! Its WORTH IT ITS MUCH BETTER! :anjali:
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Re: I´m trying to overcome an Addiction- Suppresion of Feeli

Postby cooran » Sat Jan 18, 2014 3:22 am

Hello all,

This previous thread may be of assistance:

Porn free for 90 days
viewtopic.php?f=16&t=13168

Please note: this thread is 17 pages long. :tongue:

With metta,
Chris
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
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