Thanks daverupa. That's a really interesting sutta, the 'each look after yourself' thing is counter-intuitive but actually really practical advice I think.
And thanks everyone for the replies, lots of kindness and encouragement here I'm still a bit baffled by the fear, but I guess press on and try and ignore it for now
Feeling scared when I read about the good things . . .
Re: Feeling scared when I read about the good things . . .
Perhaps you're anxious about aggrandizing the ego somehow. In any event, recall that the practice in that sutta is protective. My hope is that this will help to assuage any fear that arises.Feathers wrote:I'm still a bit baffled by the fear, but I guess press on and try and ignore it for now
- "And how is it, bhikkhus, that by protecting oneself one protects others? By the pursuit, development, and cultivation of the four establishments of mindfulness. It is in such a way that by protecting oneself one protects others.
"And how is it, bhikkhus, that by protecting others one protects oneself? By patience, harmlessness, goodwill, and sympathy. It is in such a way that by protecting others one protects oneself.
- Sedaka Sutta [SN 47.19]
Re: Feeling scared when I read about the good things . . .
I'm revisiting this because I had a thought (it's a rare occurrence ) :
One of the things about Buddhism that I didn't need any convincing about was impermanence. In particular, my life the past 8yrs in particular has taught me not to trust the good times and feelings. The other night on the way home from work I realised I was feeling really happy about my new job, and that was immediately followed by a very similar fear to what I've been describing in this thread. So maybe I'm scared of a meditation that leads to feeling good because I expect it to fall away and be replaced not just by something neutral but by very bad feelings.
Any general advice based on this theory of the cause of the fear?
One of the things about Buddhism that I didn't need any convincing about was impermanence. In particular, my life the past 8yrs in particular has taught me not to trust the good times and feelings. The other night on the way home from work I realised I was feeling really happy about my new job, and that was immediately followed by a very similar fear to what I've been describing in this thread. So maybe I'm scared of a meditation that leads to feeling good because I expect it to fall away and be replaced not just by something neutral but by very bad feelings.
Any general advice based on this theory of the cause of the fear?
Re: Feeling scared when I read about the good things . . .
This sounds like the dangers of greed and passion for the pleasant feelings have become understood, and this has led to aversion for the pleasant feelings instead which may be giving rise to fear. Pleasant feelings and unpleasant feelings are both just experiences that happen and it's useful to practice meeting them both with equanimity. Trading greed for aversion doesn't seem so helpful. There's nothing helpful to be offered by the fear just like there's nothing helpful to be offered by passion for the good times. The good times will definitely end, but whatever bad times there are to fear will end in just the same way.Feathers wrote:The other night on the way home from work I realised I was feeling really happy about my new job, and that was immediately followed by a very similar fear to what I've been describing in this thread. So maybe I'm scared of a meditation that leads to feeling good because I expect it to fall away and be replaced not just by something neutral but by very bad feelings.
Any general advice based on this theory of the cause of the fear?
From Pure and Simple by Upasika Kee Nanayon:
It seems reasonable that this suggests not only that it isn't worth fastening onto good fabrications and pushing bad ones away, but that similarly it isn't worth pushing good fabrications away or fastening on to bad ones.Upasika Kee Nanayon wrote: You have to know that fabrication is inconstant, stressful, and has no self to itself. Keep looking at this point over and over again until it becomes clear to the heart. Only then will you develop a sense of disenchantment and dispassion. You won't fasten onto good fabrications or push bad ones away, for you've seen that they have the same price, they're both equally changeable.
Re: Feeling scared when I read about the good things . . .
Absolutely. I guess my questions is how, especially as for the past few years my bad times have lasted months and been at points pretty grim, and my good times have been hours. I realise the fear isn't helpful at all, but I think I can now understand where it comes from, and it's not as irrational as it seemed at first.culaavuso wrote: ... Trading greed for aversion doesn't seem so helpful ...
[big cut]
... It seems reasonable that this suggests not only that it isn't worth fastening onto good fabrications and pushing bad ones away, but that similarly it isn't worth pushing good fabrications away or fastening on to bad ones.