Life changes - Dhamma Wheel

Life changes

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Frank Underwood
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Joined: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:26 pm

Life changes

Postby Frank Underwood » Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:39 pm

Hi all,

I've been struggling a lot with having a short temper and getting angry over what I consider to be justifiable circumstances.

A neighbour over the street has frequently been up until 4 A.M playing music, but mostly just talking loudly, shouting and 'wooing' with the windows open.

They are maybe 20 meters away. All other neighbours around them keep their windows closed, even in the summer, which is incredibly annoying because I like to keep my window open year-round, especially in summer.

I've gone over before at around 1 A.M and asked them to at least keep the windows closed, which they did that night, but now it's an issue again.

I contacted the council and they sent me a log to keep track of it over 2 weeks to then submit back to them so they can see if it's enough to justify escalation and notifying the people in question. Well, the log arrived just as winter hit and their windows weren't open, so basically nothing happened.
Now it's getting quite mild again, the windows are open again, so I think I'll re-open the case and request another form.

It just annoys me when it happens. It's so incredibly rude and disrespectful that it's obvious to me that they are perfectly aware of how disruptive they're being, they just seemingly don't care.
It keeps me angry for hours and stresses me.

So basically I'm trying to find ways of calming myself down.

I've tried meditation before but never seemed to 'do it' properly because my mind often wondered. I've tried this both when I'm stressed as well as when I'm fine.

Any suggestions?

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Re: Life changes

Postby retrofuturist » Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:45 pm

Greetings Frank,

Welcome to Dhamma Wheel.


"He who checks rising anger as a charioteer checks a rolling chariot, him I call a true charioteer. Others only hold the reins." (Dhammapada, verse 222) - ... .budd.html

With the arising of anger, I personally find it useful to reflect on what the anger is achieving. Typically it is just bringing suffering upon yourself and is not actually doing anything towards resolving the object of your anger. Reflecting thus, it is easier to let go of the anger, because you realise that the situation is challenging enough as it is without compounding the suffering by introducing anger into the mix.

Retro. :)
"Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education." - Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead" - Thomas Paine

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Re: Life changes

Postby boris » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:00 am

The man who wants to avoid grotesque collapses should not look for anything to fulfill him in space and time.

Nicolás Gómez Dávila

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Re: Life changes

Postby waterchan » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:14 am

It's easy to quote words of wisdom from scripture or authority, but hard to put wisdom into practice for the untrained mind.

Have you tried doing something more practical, like recording video evidence of their disturbance and showing it to the council? Depending on which country you live in, you may have the legal right to do so, if the recording is done from your private property.
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)

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Re: Life changes

Postby Cittasanto » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:40 am

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

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Re: Life changes

Postby cooran » Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:43 am

Hello Frank,

One thing which helped me years ago when I had a similar problem, was when i realised in becoming angry because of the behaviour of others - I was giving them power over myself. I then began practising Metta meditation towards myself for quite a long time, and eventually including the others. And it worked. The behaviour of others became less and less irritating, and I was able to move onto the other Brahmaviharas.

With metta,
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---

Frank Underwood
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Joined: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:26 pm

Re: Life changes

Postby Frank Underwood » Tue Feb 25, 2014 4:10 am

Thanks for the replies everyone, certainly some food for thought.

I'll keep you all posted on how I get along over the next few weeks.

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