the uncomfortable fact is that there is a good and a bad side to Buddhism. It’s hardly a perfect religion, at least not the outside manifestation of it. But it’s not a total mess either.
The most interesting question for me is whether the fundamental teachings of Buddhism are true or not. For example the teachings on Emptiness, the Law of Karma and the Four Noble Truths. Unfortunately I have no answer to this question either. At least they are by far the best attempt to explain the world around us that I have come across.
I disrobed about half a year ago. In the end the decision was entirely my own. Even though I ended up in a difficult situation as a monk I could have stayed in the robes if I would have wanted. But I had started to question celibacy and other aspects of monastic life and didn't feel comfortable as a monk anymore.