where to go from here?

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where to go from here?

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:37 am

ok so as some of you may know I was seeking to become a bhikkhu a while ago, but chose to get into a relationship with someone I fell inlove with and have been living with for over a year now.
give me some suggestions of places to continue my "Quest" as she no longer want to be with me for what ever reason, and I don't really want to be here in this situation with nowhere else to go locally to live while I look.

EDIT - forgot to mention would be better if the place was in the UK
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby Ben » Thu Sep 10, 2009 1:25 am

Hi Manapa
I'm sorry that your relationship did not work out. For what its worth - keep in mind that everything is anicca - even love.
I think a good contact for you at this time would be Bhikkhu Pesala who runs the 'aimwell' website and who occassionally visits us here on Dhamma Wheel.
I am sure he would have some suggestions that might be suitable for you.
Whatever happens, please keep your friends here informed!
Metta

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Re: where to go from here?

Postby BlackBird » Thu Sep 10, 2009 1:28 am

Just thought i'd pop in and say:
"Go for gold" Manapa :smile:

All the best with seeking ordination!

If you're dead set on remaining in the U.K then here's a link to a list of Monasteries of the Ajahn Chah lineage, to which a good reputation is spread
http://www.forestsangha.org/index.php?o ... 0&Itemid=9

There are Monasteries in Burma and Sri Lanka which are very dedicated to Meditation also.
Pa Auk Forest Monastery is one such which has a good reputation for being quite intensive in the meditation aspect.

I second Ben's recommendation too.

I was once told that a good measuring stick of a Sangha is how well the Vinaya code is adhered to. To get a feel for this you really need to stay at the Monastery for a period of time I guess.

I'm no expert on the topic in any case so I look forward to reading some more informed responses.
Again, its great news to hear you're going for ordination Manapa and I wish you well in all your endeavors.

:anjali:
Jack
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'The Blessed One is the Teacher, I am a disciple. He is the one who knows, not I." - MN. 70 Kitagiri Sutta
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby retrofuturist » Thu Sep 10, 2009 1:36 am

Greetings Manapa,

What about the monestary where Ajahn Sumedho resides?

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


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Re: where to go from here?

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Sep 10, 2009 1:38 am

Hi Ben retro & Jack,
well I have opted for the couch, so PJs and duvet at the moment!

I have already contacted one of the Monestaries on the list you linked to earlier Jack, and just waiting for a responce from them before I try another one!

I will be spending less time on the net, while I look for alternative arangements.

and amaravati is next on my list!
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby retrofuturist » Thu Sep 10, 2009 1:41 am

Greetings Manapa,

It would be great if you could keep us informed on "the process" because it will doubtlessly be of interest, if not practical interest (!) for some members.

Wishing you all the best.

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


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Re: where to go from here?

Postby christopher::: » Thu Sep 10, 2009 2:08 am

Sorry to hear this has been a rough time, Manapa. Sometimes heartbreak and conflict can be a good opportunity, to untangle (and better understand) some of our attachments.

:namaste:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby David N. Snyder » Thu Sep 10, 2009 2:47 am

Manapa wrote:EDIT - forgot to mention would be better if the place was in the UK


Then in that case Amaravati may be the perfect place.

http://www.amaravati.org/abmnew/index.php
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby David N. Snyder » Thu Sep 10, 2009 2:49 am

TheDhamma wrote:
Manapa wrote:EDIT - forgot to mention would be better if the place was in the UK


Then in that case Amaravati may be the perfect place.

http://www.amaravati.org/abmnew/index.php


I would for sure test it out with an extended stay or for a long retreat to see if monastic life is for you.

Otherwise, if you decide to stay an upaska, there will be other opportunities to find someone special.
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Sep 10, 2009 3:16 am

TheDhamma wrote:
TheDhamma wrote:
Manapa wrote:EDIT - forgot to mention would be better if the place was in the UK


Then in that case Amaravati may be the perfect place.

http://www.amaravati.org/abmnew/index.php


I would for sure test it out with an extended stay or for a long retreat to see if monastic life is for you.

Otherwise, if you decide to stay an upaska, there will be other opportunities to find someone special.


This was going to be the last go! I had decided when this relationship started that if it didn't work out that there would be no more after and the worldly life would be put to rest, I was going to pursue this further and probably be living at a monestary now if it hadn't been for the relationship.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby David N. Snyder » Thu Sep 10, 2009 3:45 am

Manapa wrote:This was going to be the last go! I had decided when this relationship started that if it didn't work out that there would be no more after and the worldly life would be put to rest, I was going to pursue this further and probably be living at a monestary now if it hadn't been for the relationship.


Okay in that case, start growing some hair, so at least there will be something for them to symbolically shave off. :tongue:
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby Ben » Thu Sep 10, 2009 4:17 am

I think it was Charles Bukowski who said Love is a mad dog from hell. Despite his drug and alcohol addled brain, I think he was onto something there.
I've also seen it written somewhere - another sentiment that I agree with - Love is the mother of misery. Better to find these truths out for ourselves, early, than to continue to live in delusion.
Take care Manapa!

Ben
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- Heraclitus


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Re: where to go from here?

Postby tiltbillings » Thu Sep 10, 2009 5:23 am

Ben wrote:I think it was Charles Bukowski who said Love is a mad dog from hell. Despite his drug and alcohol addled brain, I think he was onto something there.
I've also seen it written somewhere - another sentiment that I agree with - Love is the mother of misery. Better to find these truths out for ourselves, early, than to continue to live in delusion.
Take care Manapa!

Ben


What does your wife say about that?
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby appicchato » Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:05 am

tiltbillings wrote:What does your wife say about that?


You writing a book?...
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby tiltbillings » Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:24 am

appicchato wrote:
tiltbillings wrote:What does your wife say about that?


You writing a book?...


Do you think I should? Well, just having a small bit of teasing of Ben, but there is a serious part to the question. Unquestionably there is a reason why such silly songs as this are written:



or something more obsessive as



Or one could find countless serious songs, stories, poetry centered around the pain of love relationships. While love obviously carries the risk of a great of pain, but that is not the only picture.
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby retrofuturist » Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:26 am

Greetings,

It depends on how you define love, doesn't it?

At one end of the spectrum there's the brahma-vihara of metta... and at the other side there's lust... and love can mean anything (and often multiple places) along that spectrum.

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


Dharma Wheel (Mahayana / Vajrayana forum) -- Open flower ~ Open book (blog)
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby pink_trike » Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:39 am

For what it's worth, good teachers generally discourage people from making the kind of decision you're considering making when they find themselves in the kind of circumstances you're describing.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well...
Vision is Mind
Mind is Empty
Emptiness is Clear Light
Clear Light is Union
Union is Great Bliss

- Dawa Gyaltsen

---

Disclaimer: I'm a non-religious practitioner of Theravada, Mahayana/Vajrayana, and Tibetan Bon Dzogchen mind-training.
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby tiltbillings » Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:43 am

pink_trike wrote:For what it's worth, good teachers generally discourage people from making the kind of decision you're considering making when they find themselves in the kind of circumstances you're describing.


Which is one of the better things said here.
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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Re: where to go from here?

Postby Ben » Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:59 am

Hi Tilt
tiltbillings wrote:
Ben wrote:I think it was Charles Bukowski who said Love is a mad dog from hell. Despite his drug and alcohol addled brain, I think he was onto something there.
I've also seen it written somewhere - another sentiment that I agree with - Love is the mother of misery. Better to find these truths out for ourselves, early, than to continue to live in delusion.
Take care Manapa!

Ben


What does your wife say about that?


There are some things, dear Tilt, that are best not mentioned. Otherwise, its to the dreaded counselling couch or dog-house I go!
As a psychologist, I think she agrees with me that many forms of love border on the pathological. In fact, a lot of her work dealing with adolescents is in relation to the negative impacts of blooming romantic love.

Well, just having a small bit of teasing of Ben,


Tilt, you are such a tease! Life just wouldn't be the same without a little tease from Mr Billings!

retro wrote:It depends on how you define love, doesn't it?

Perhaps. If you are talking about romantic love, then it is no more than a sankhara.
We live in cultures that reify romantic love but as Buddhists, we should be looking at it through the prism of vipassana, seeing it for what it actually is. Love is nothing but coalescing dhammas.
That is not to say that it can't be useful or positive in providing a glue in relationships, but it is still a sankhara and one that is not exempt from ti-lakkhana. It is impermanent, it is not-self, and any clinging or attachment certainly does produce intense dukkha. Yet, time and time again, we (collectively speaking) fool ourselves that our love is eternal, never ending and part of us.
If you are talking about the brahma-viharas - they're completely different. They're cetasikas.
now that I've opened yet another can of worms, off I go!
Kind regards

Ben
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

- Heraclitus


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Re: where to go from here?

Postby christopher::: » Thu Sep 10, 2009 7:37 am

tiltbillings wrote:
pink_trike wrote:For what it's worth, good teachers generally discourage people from making the kind of decision you're considering making when they find themselves in the kind of circumstances you're describing.


Which is one of the better things said here.


I agree.

Ben wrote:If you are talking about romantic love, then it is no more than a sankhara. We live in cultures that reify romantic love but as Buddhists, we should be looking at it through the prism of vipassana, seeing it for what it actually is. Love is nothing but coalescing dhammas. That is not to say that it can't be useful or positive in providing a glue in relationships, but it is still a sankhara and one that is not exempt from ti-lakkhana. It is impermanent, it is not-self, and any clinging or attachment certainly does produce intense dukkha. Yet, time and time again, we (collectively speaking) fool ourselves that our love is eternal, never ending and part of us. If you are talking about the brahma-viharas - they're completely different. They're cetasikas. now that I've opened yet another can of worms, off I go!


But that's just it, isn't it? If we are not talking about the brahma-viharas, are we really talking about love?

:heart:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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