where to go from here?

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Cittasanto
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where to go from here?

Post by Cittasanto »

ok so as some of you may know I was seeking to become a bhikkhu a while ago, but chose to get into a relationship with someone I fell inlove with and have been living with for over a year now.
give me some suggestions of places to continue my "Quest" as she no longer want to be with me for what ever reason, and I don't really want to be here in this situation with nowhere else to go locally to live while I look.

EDIT - forgot to mention would be better if the place was in the UK
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He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.
John Stuart Mill
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Ben
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by Ben »

Hi Manapa
I'm sorry that your relationship did not work out. For what its worth - keep in mind that everything is anicca - even love.
I think a good contact for you at this time would be Bhikkhu Pesala who runs the 'aimwell' website and who occassionally visits us here on Dhamma Wheel.
I am sure he would have some suggestions that might be suitable for you.
Whatever happens, please keep your friends here informed!
Metta

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

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BlackBird
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by BlackBird »

Just thought i'd pop in and say:
"Go for gold" Manapa :smile:

All the best with seeking ordination!

If you're dead set on remaining in the U.K then here's a link to a list of Monasteries of the Ajahn Chah lineage, to which a good reputation is spread
http://www.forestsangha.org/index.php?o ... 0&Itemid=9" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

There are Monasteries in Burma and Sri Lanka which are very dedicated to Meditation also.
Pa Auk Forest Monastery is one such which has a good reputation for being quite intensive in the meditation aspect.

I second Ben's recommendation too.

I was once told that a good measuring stick of a Sangha is how well the Vinaya code is adhered to. To get a feel for this you really need to stay at the Monastery for a period of time I guess.

I'm no expert on the topic in any case so I look forward to reading some more informed responses.
Again, its great news to hear you're going for ordination Manapa and I wish you well in all your endeavors.

:anjali:
Jack
"For a disciple who has conviction in the Teacher's message & lives to penetrate it, what accords with the Dhamma is this:
'The Blessed One is the Teacher, I am a disciple. He is the one who knows, not I." - MN. 70 Kitagiri Sutta

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retrofuturist
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings Manapa,

What about the monestary where Ajahn Sumedho resides?

Metta,
Retro. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by Cittasanto »

Hi Ben retro & Jack,
well I have opted for the couch, so PJs and duvet at the moment!

I have already contacted one of the Monestaries on the list you linked to earlier Jack, and just waiting for a responce from them before I try another one!

I will be spending less time on the net, while I look for alternative arangements.

and amaravati is next on my list!
Blog, Suttas, Aj Chah, Facebook.

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.
John Stuart Mill
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retrofuturist
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings Manapa,

It would be great if you could keep us informed on "the process" because it will doubtlessly be of interest, if not practical interest (!) for some members.

Wishing you all the best.

Metta,
Retro. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
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christopher:::
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by christopher::: »

Sorry to hear this has been a rough time, Manapa. Sometimes heartbreak and conflict can be a good opportunity, to untangle (and better understand) some of our attachments.

:namaste:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by DNS »

Manapa wrote: EDIT - forgot to mention would be better if the place was in the UK
Then in that case Amaravati may be the perfect place.

http://www.amaravati.org/abmnew/index.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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DNS
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by DNS »

TheDhamma wrote:
Manapa wrote: EDIT - forgot to mention would be better if the place was in the UK
Then in that case Amaravati may be the perfect place.

http://www.amaravati.org/abmnew/index.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
I would for sure test it out with an extended stay or for a long retreat to see if monastic life is for you.

Otherwise, if you decide to stay an upaska, there will be other opportunities to find someone special.
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Cittasanto
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by Cittasanto »

TheDhamma wrote:
TheDhamma wrote:
Manapa wrote: EDIT - forgot to mention would be better if the place was in the UK
Then in that case Amaravati may be the perfect place.

http://www.amaravati.org/abmnew/index.php" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
I would for sure test it out with an extended stay or for a long retreat to see if monastic life is for you.

Otherwise, if you decide to stay an upaska, there will be other opportunities to find someone special.
This was going to be the last go! I had decided when this relationship started that if it didn't work out that there would be no more after and the worldly life would be put to rest, I was going to pursue this further and probably be living at a monestary now if it hadn't been for the relationship.
Blog, Suttas, Aj Chah, Facebook.

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.
John Stuart Mill
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DNS
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by DNS »

Manapa wrote: This was going to be the last go! I had decided when this relationship started that if it didn't work out that there would be no more after and the worldly life would be put to rest, I was going to pursue this further and probably be living at a monestary now if it hadn't been for the relationship.
Okay in that case, start growing some hair, so at least there will be something for them to symbolically shave off. :tongue:
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Ben
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by Ben »

I think it was Charles Bukowski who said Love is a mad dog from hell. Despite his drug and alcohol addled brain, I think he was onto something there.
I've also seen it written somewhere - another sentiment that I agree with - Love is the mother of misery. Better to find these truths out for ourselves, early, than to continue to live in delusion.
Take care Manapa!

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR

e: [email protected]..
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tiltbillings
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by tiltbillings »

Ben wrote:I think it was Charles Bukowski who said Love is a mad dog from hell. Despite his drug and alcohol addled brain, I think he was onto something there.
I've also seen it written somewhere - another sentiment that I agree with - Love is the mother of misery. Better to find these truths out for ourselves, early, than to continue to live in delusion.
Take care Manapa!

Ben
What does your wife say about that?
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by appicchato »

tiltbillings wrote:What does your wife say about that?
You writing a book?...
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tiltbillings
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Re: where to go from here?

Post by tiltbillings »

appicchato wrote:
tiltbillings wrote:What does your wife say about that?
You writing a book?...
Do you think I should? Well, just having a small bit of teasing of Ben, but there is a serious part to the question. Unquestionably there is a reason why such silly songs as this are written:



or something more obsessive as



Or one could find countless serious songs, stories, poetry centered around the pain of love relationships. While love obviously carries the risk of a great of pain, but that is not the only picture.
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723
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