During my last meditation session i got this sudden understanding about emptiness, the whole universe being one, the non existance of I....it was all great while i was meditating, but then when i actually finished i freaked out a little and felt myself really resisting what i just discovered....because it feels like i can't look at the world the way i did before....
when i look at my boyfriend i just think of him as a combination of different thoughts emotions etc and it disturbs me a litte, i start thinking who am I and who is he? ....has anyone else had this happen to them? i am being aware of the fear etc..but i find it so hard to comprehend this out of a meditative state!! right now i'm assuming patience and mindfulness will make more sense of it over time, but i am very confused
could anyone help me out with this? Thanks a lot!
It seems to me that you have some understanding of emptiness, if not complete realization of it, but it happened without you being ready for it and thus you are automatically and mechanically rejecting this view of reality that you became aware of. You were not ready for it probably because of a lack of equanimity and we all have automatic attachment to a view of reality that ego exists. What disturbs you is the attachment of a former reality view that you have had. That would be a logical conclusion. It seems to me that you have to practice a lot and develop a strong equanimity and then you will be able to accept this right reality view. When one is calm, that is nor hot nor cold, but neutral, with strong equanimity, nothing will disturb you. But I am no expert and do not rely upon my words. My advice: Seek out a very experienced teacher and consult with him/her.
with metta -smokey