It's Just Ego Again

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
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Thaibebop
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Re: It's Just Ego Again

Post by Thaibebop »

pink_trike wrote:
Thaibebop wrote: So, depression aside, a person does not 'need' other people, if they have developed a certain level along the Dhamma path? Am I reading you right?
Practice and clear view would help to minimize the "need"....and at the same time it may also create the internal circumstances that results in easier more meaningful relationship with people as we clear out and make space.
I see......
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christopher:::
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Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 12:56 am

Re: It's Just Ego Again

Post by christopher::: »

Thaibebop wrote:
You are saying we need people but if we are lonely we are just attached to them, not attached to the idea of needing people, as in people feeling compelled by society to have friends and if they don't something must be wrong with them? Right?
Well, this all ties in with Pink's point i think. The key issue is what are your relationships founded on? If you are trying to get away from people because you dont want to be attached, then maybe those relationships were lacking what Buddha talked about as being primary, with human relations.

As Ben put it (see my sig):
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
If your relationships are based on metta, karuna, mudita and upekkha, there's no problem. You can enjoy people, you will be a blessing in their lives, they will be a gift in your life. If these are lacking, then relationships do feel needy, disfunctional...

There's nothing deep there between you....

But the only way to change that is start changing how you relate to others, what you bring to friendships, what you are looking for when you start spending time with people...

:heart:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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Thaibebop
Posts: 287
Joined: Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:37 pm

Re: It's Just Ego Again

Post by Thaibebop »

christopher::: wrote:
Thaibebop wrote:
You are saying we need people but if we are lonely we are just attached to them, not attached to the idea of needing people, as in people feeling compelled by society to have friends and if they don't something must be wrong with them? Right?
Well, this all ties in with Pink's point i think. The key issue is what are your relationships founded on? If you are trying to get away from people because you dont want to be attached, then maybe those relationships were lacking what Buddha talked about as being primary, with human relations.

As Ben put it (see my sig):
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
If your relationships are based on metta, karuna, mudita and upekkha, there's no problem. You can enjoy people, you will be a blessing in their lives, they will be a gift in your life. If these are lacking, then relationships do feel needy, disfunctional...

There's nothing deep there between you....

But the only way to change that is start changing how you relate to others, what you bring to friendships, what you are looking for when you start spending time with people...

:heart:
I need to think on this while. I understand what you are saying and it makes sense, yet how can it be applied?
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christopher:::
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Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 12:56 am

Re: It's Just Ego Again

Post by christopher::: »

Thaibebop wrote:
I need to think on this while. I understand what you are saying and it makes sense, yet how can it be applied?
Check out this discussion:

Buddha's Views on Love, Compassion, Joy & Equanimity

Make sure you read the first link there (and here, below)...

The Four Sublime States: Contemplations on Love, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity

I'd go so far as to recommend printing this article out, reading thru it slowly, cause this is very very important. You can meditate 12 hours a day, but if you aren't cultivating the brahma viharas something very essential will be missing....

This is the core of the dhamma, when it comes to social relationships, imo...

Hope that's helpful.

:group:
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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Thaibebop
Posts: 287
Joined: Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:37 pm

Re: It's Just Ego Again

Post by Thaibebop »

christopher::: wrote:
Thaibebop wrote:
I need to think on this while. I understand what you are saying and it makes sense, yet how can it be applied?
Check out this discussion:

Buddha's Views on Love, Compassion, Joy & Equanimity

Make sure you read the first link there (and here, below)...

The Four Sublime States: Contemplations on Love, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity

I'd go so far as to recommend printing this article out, reading thru it slowly, cause this is very very important. You can meditate 12 hours a day, but if you aren't cultivating the brahma viharas something very essential will be missing....

This is the core of the dhamma, when it comes to social relationships, imo...

Hope that's helpful.

:group:
Thank you. :anjali:
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christopher:::
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Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 12:56 am

Re: It's Just Ego Again

Post by christopher::: »

Thaibebop wrote: Thank you. :anjali:
(((( :group: )))))
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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