How do I tell my friend I don't like her kind of Buddhism?

[Cittasanto]

Please educate yourselves about what Nichiren Buddhism teaches then decide whether it qualifies as a sect or just another school of Buddhism.
[Snip]
Nichiren Buddhism is not Dhamma (adhamma).

Hi Bhante,
I have in the past, wasn't impresed.

But it is possibly worth remembering that the Buddha criticised a view even if it was patly/mostly correct, or parlty/mostly wrong. the correct parts don't make the view correct.

[Annapurna]

I think its fairly common Anna, but remember I dont get to see happy folk on a professional basis so that might skew my perception of how common it is. I think it certainly happens.

-to my utter dismay, it just occured to me that this is what might have happened between my Ex and me...

[Lazy_eye]

My friend persuaded me to try her kind of Buddhism, Nichiren Buddhism, for a few months.
I could tell her the reasons I don't like it, but I feel that would be rude to her, as they are quite serious and fairly insulting reasons, from her perspective anyway.
(To describe the reasons here would definitely be sect-bashing and against the terms of service of any good Buddhist forum.)

So, suggestions?

Greetings --

One possibility would be to focus the discussion on practices rather than beliefs. That is, rather than getting into a fight over true Dharma and the Lotus Sutra, you could say, for instance, that you prefer meditation to chanting, or that Vipassana has helped you reduce your suffering and you want to stick with the prescription offered by good old Dr. Gautama. When you raised this topic on e-sangha awhile back, I seem to remember you saying that Nichiren chanting made you depressed.

You could say the Buddha taught different methods to people with different capacities and the dharma door of daimoku isn't the one for you.

If you start arguing over beliefs, she's just going to defend her position and get angry with you. It's basic human nature. You're never going to persuade her on doctrinal grounds, as there are thousands of pages of Mahayana scripture (including many passages in the Lotus Sutra) intended to counter such challenges.

If Nichiren doesn't do it for you, then it doesn't do it for you. And if she really needs it to do it for you, then maybe your friendship faces some constraints.

[MrsCogan]

You could say the Buddha taught different methods to people with different capacities and the dharma door of daimoku isn't the one for you.

this is an excellent answer and a true one. But I have a feeling your friend won't be moved by it. That means you'll have to just keep saying "it's not for me" and let the fallout fall out. I wish I had a better answer.

[Monkey Mind]

Comment from the newbie here. What was the resolution to this concern?

I know many people who are former SGI. My understanding is that your friend is supposed to terminate the friendship, because even being in your presence (an "archaic Buddhist") will cause her "bad karma" (that is the teaching, not my view). I am curious to know if she accepted the advice of her community, or chose to remain your friend. I am dealing with a similar situation.

[James the Giant]

I told her, and she was fine with it, she's still my good friend. I was concerned with no justification, it seems. She was disappointed, but she said she understood, and that I had established a "poison drum relationship" with the True Path.
The leaders of the local SGI group have not been so understanding however, with total silence and a cessation of invitations and communication. I guess they take the "bad karma" thing seriously.

Oh well, nothing lost there I reckon...

[Monkey Mind]

All's well that ends well.

[Bhikkhu Pesala]

I know many people who are former SGI. My understanding is that your friend is supposed to terminate the friendship, because even being in your presence (an "archaic Buddhist") will cause her "bad karma" (that is the teaching, not my view).

This is the typical behaviour for cults. A Sri Lankan man (a Catholic) used to offer alms to me, but his wife was a member of SGI. I went to his house once, then he brought alms to my place for some months, then he stopped coming.

[Dan74]

One problem with SGI from what I've heard is the way the organization is run. A lot of people become "teachers" or facilitators, and some are not suitable.

_/|\_

[tiltbillings]

One problem with SGI from what I've heard is the way the organization is run. A lot of people become "teachers" or facilitators, and some are not suitable.

_/|\_

The problem are far more than that.

[Monkey Mind]

Ironically, it was questions like the OP that brought me to e-sangha.com in the first place. I googled "Is {name of organization} a cult", and was directed to the many pages on the subject at ES. (By the way, DO NOT google that question unless your computer has exceptional anti-virus software.) I was very concerned about the behavior of that group based on stories of former members.

However, I have received the instruction to focus on my own dhamma practice, and let others find their own paths. A protest surfaces in my awareness, "But they are recruiting marginalized people and giving them misinformation!" Breath that out, and trust the law of kamma. Then another protest, "But they're spending millions of dollars/ marks/ yen to undermine other lineages of Buddhism!" Breath that out, and trust the law of kamma.

Anyone have better guidance about how to cope with being in a town with a large, active SGI group?

[Laurens]

I think its a wee bit rich for a sect to condemn all of its critics to a "world of hell" whilst they themselves are free to criticise other sects of Buddhism willy-nilly.

Of course you should voice your opinion.

[Dan74]

Ironically, it was questions like the OP that brought me to e-sangha.com in the first place. I googled "Is {name of organization} a cult", and was directed to the many pages on the subject at ES. (By the way, DO NOT google that question unless your computer has exceptional anti-virus software.) I was very concerned about the behavior of that group based on stories of former members.

However, I have received the instruction to focus on my own dhamma practice, and let others find their own paths. A protest surfaces in my awareness, "But they are recruiting marginalized people and giving them misinformation!" Breath that out, and trust the law of kamma. Then another protest, "But they're spending millions of dollars/ marks/ yen to undermine other lineages of Buddhism!" Breath that out, and trust the law of kamma.

Anyone have better guidance about how to cope with being in a town with a large, active SGI group?

I am not sure if this is better guidance. I don't try to change people's beliefs and the Buddha explicitly recommended against doing so.

Best way is compassion coupled with good example. The harm SGI is inflicting is likely mostly in your imagination. Would those people be better off without it? Would they be practicing Theravada under a reputable teacher? I doubt it.

It is like lamenting why the world is not perfect. Best we start with ourselves and that which we are able to improve. But it can take a bit of practice to begin to see that improving the world is not such a simple proposition.

Good luck!!!

_/|\_

[Monkey Mind]

Thanks, Dan. I get a little preoccupied with conspiracy theories. I have learned to not engage them, big trouble that causes. I really am better off merely shrugging my shoulders and wishing them all well, and staying out of their way. It's just sad that so many people have a negative experience with them, and assume (because that's what their taught) that they are the only form of Buddhism.

[Potato]

As for Nichiren railing and ranting against other schools, well, he certainly did that! Maybe there was some point to it at his time? I am not sure. He certainly had a hard time of it.

_/|\_

I am an independent Nichiren Buddhist. I am not affiliated with the SGI or Nichiren Shoshu. SGI and Nichiren Shoshu were united until the early 1990's, when there was a disagreement and they split apart. There are over twenty schools of Nichiren Buddhism in Japan, and my understanding is that both Nichiren Shoshu and SGI are looked at a little askance by the others. In the USA, there are three main Nichiren schools: SGI, Nichiren Shoshu, and Nichiren Shu. Independent Nichiren Buddhists are not officially affiliated with any of the three.

Nichiren's railing and ranting against other schools in his own time can be somewhat compared with Martin Luther and his 95 Theses. Nichiren was deeply disturbed about the corruption he saw in other Japanese Buddhist schools of his day. Nichiren was also imprisoned, exiled, and nearly executed for his troubles.

Are there any other Nichiren Buddhists about?