In Love - what to do about it?

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
theAYSays
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In Love - what to do about it?

Postby theAYSays » Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:20 am

It's a question that I feel is frequently ignored or stepped aside from in Buddhism. But - I'm in love, and what can I do? I've been chanting mantras, including the Medicine Buddha's initiation mantra (I'm specifically thinking about his seventh vow where he talks about helping those without family attain a wealth of family, which I can only understand as enabling people to get married and have lots of children). I care so much about this girl and want to spend the rest of my lifetimes with her. Is there anything I can do besides accumulate more merits, chant mantras, and do prostrations?

Mawkish1983
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Mawkish1983 » Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:39 am

As this is a Theravada forum lets sidestep the "medicine Buddha" :)

I see this is your first post :) welcome to Dhammawheel. Have you tried metta bhavana? In Theravada, developing love* is important (it is a divine abode (brahmavihara) afterall!) :)

*depending on your definition of love. Love does not equal attachment.

theAYSays
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby theAYSays » Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:58 am


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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:03 am

Hi theAYSays,

I don't know much about your situation but from what little you've written the love you're describing seems less like metta than it does sensual desire and infatuation. I can't pretend to know, however, so please don't take offense but you should seriously ask yourself if the desire to be with this girl would be the same if she were an old hag (which she will be some day if she's lucky) or if she decided to fall out of love with you. Would you still want to be in love and spend lifetimes with a person who didn't feel the same. I wish you all the best and hope that you find all the happiness a lay life well lived can confer upon a person but do proceed with care and don't believe everything you feel without taking it to task. Be well.

Metta,

Mike
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:07 am

To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

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Mawkish1983
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Mawkish1983 » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:10 am


theAYSays
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby theAYSays » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:12 am


Mawkish1983
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Mawkish1983 » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:14 am


theAYSays
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby theAYSays » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:16 am


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retrofuturist
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby retrofuturist » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:20 am

"Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education." - Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead" - Thomas Paine

Mawkish1983
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Mawkish1983 » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:23 am


Mawkish1983
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Mawkish1983 » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:25 am


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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:28 am

Mawkish,

Sorry but I lent my Vissuddhimagga to a friend and don't have it at hand. But Retro's right, it's definitely in there. Be well.

Mike
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

Uposatha Observance Club:
My Practice Blog:

theAYSays
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:03 pm

Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby theAYSays » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:29 am


Mawkish1983
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Mawkish1983 » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:39 am


theAYSays
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby theAYSays » Wed Dec 23, 2009 2:10 am


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Monkey Mind
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Monkey Mind » Wed Dec 23, 2009 4:09 am

Isn't there a jataka story about a young lover who becomes love-sick with infatuation?
"As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I."
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.

Sutta Nipāta 3.710

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Monkey Mind
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby Monkey Mind » Wed Dec 23, 2009 4:43 am

For example, story 13, page 64, using this source:


I don't think the story is anti-love, just anti-infatuation.
"As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I."
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.

Sutta Nipāta 3.710

theAYSays
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby theAYSays » Wed Dec 23, 2009 7:51 am

The story doesn't help. I'm not going through infatuation.

Infatuation is when you aren't aware of the person's faults, where you're seeking purely for your own emotional benefit, where you aren't looking for the other person's benefit.
Last edited by theAYSays on Wed Dec 23, 2009 7:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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pink_trike
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Re: In Love - what to do about it?

Postby pink_trike » Wed Dec 23, 2009 7:54 am

"What to do about it?"

Love, and bring your practice to love.
Vision is Mind
Mind is Empty
Emptiness is Clear Light
Clear Light is Union
Union is Great Bliss

- Dawa Gyaltsen

---

Disclaimer: I'm a non-religious practitioner of Theravada, Mahayana/Vajrayana, and Tibetan Bon Dzogchen mind-training.


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