Honestly, the way I came to find Theravada was by first taking an online "what religion am I?" quiz. It sounds funny, I know--but I just needed to see if continuing to "claim" to believe in Christianity really was what I believed. I was looking for those questions to be asked, however had someone asked me in person (from the church) I would have not felt comfortable enough to be totally honest with myself in my answers. While Mahayana Buddhism was the "100%" match, Theravada was a "96%" match. I researched them both and after some truly honest soul searching, Theravada was the one that was a complete fit for me. While I'm still researching the difference between "Theravada Buddhism" and "Modern Theravada Buddhism", I am completely at ease and in agreement with Theravada. I'm still learning and studying--barely scratching the surface I know--but I feel at peace. I feel like I "fit in" spiritually. Every time I had gone to church and did all the things they say to be a better Christian, I was still left feeling doubtful, confused, awkward, and just overall like the black sheep! I truly gave it my all to study and learn and follow...I'm 27 years old now with 3 (soon to be 4) small children, and I've just finally allowed myself to be who I really am--Theravada Buddhist. I don't feel ashamed, I don't feel scared or guilty. I feel free--happy...I feel like the true me has finally been let out of that box everyone ELSE told me to get into.
Sorry this is a bit long winded! But this is how I truly came to choose Theravada. I can even say that I no longer fear the future--Christianity had me so terrified about all that "rapture", "end of time", "judgment day" etc etc that I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep worrying about my children and feeling so guilty for bringing them into the kind of world that would end in such a horrifying way! I don't feel that now, and in fact I don't believe it either! I look forward to a wonderfully peacefully life with my family!
