Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
meindzai
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Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2009 8:10 pm

Re: Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent

Post by meindzai »

Kim O'Hara wrote:Most kids are really easy to get on with unless they are physically uncomfortable (tired/hungry/hot), deprived of attention, or bored.
Holy cow, I think you just gave the magic formula.

I don't have kids yet but my girlfriend and I are planning on it. We are kind of geeks when it comes to doing anything and like to prepare/study/read/talk as much as possible first. Of course I joke with her "Aren't you glad we have it all figured out? We're not going to have aaaaaaany problems at all when we have kids."

Anyway, I think that's a really excellent point you just made.

-M
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Butrfly_Nirvana
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Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:34 pm

Re: Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent

Post by Butrfly_Nirvana »

That is very good advice. This afternoon/evening I tried to 'level' with him--got down to his eye level and we talked about why the toys needed to be picked up. We discussed all the things that could happen if the toys are left out (him or someone else getting hurt, toys getting stepped on and broken, losing his favorite cars, etc.). I kept my tone level, but definitive as to not letting him think there was an alternative to doing what I asked...he was still a bit grumpy with his responses, but overall there was no yelling or arguing, and it's now 8:30pm and the toys have since been picked! I think one of the best things I replayed in my mind was about treating him as I would someone else, with a Buddhist mindset. While I will say that it definitely took some focus and a little extra time to talk to him like that, in the end I spent LESS time fighting with him and scolding him into behaving. We even talked about why we shouldn't hit people, and why it's important to speak nicely to everyone-even if they are doing something we don't like.

I'm glad I found this thread and continued to research it. I did find an article online that said the reason there isn't a "Buddhist Parenting Code" or whatever, is because what is right for one child, even in the same family, may not be right for the other child. But that in just making sure that while you are deterring the bad behavior and encouraging good behavior, you keep in mind the Four Truths, The Eightfold Path, and so on. I'm looking forward to less stressful days at home with the kids, and I plan on applying what I've learned daily!

Thank you again!

:namaste:
notself
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Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2009 7:49 pm

Re: Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent

Post by notself »

This link might be useful. It' titled How should I teach Buddhism to my children? http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... .html#kids" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Here is a short quote from it.
The single most important lesson parents can convey to their children is that every action has consequences. Each moment presents us with an opportunity, and it is up to us to choose how we want to think, speak, or act. It is these choices that eventually determine our happiness. This is the essence of kamma, the basic law of cause and effect that underlies the Dhamma. It also happens to be the message behind one of the few recorded teachings the Buddha gave to his only child, Rahula. [1] This sutta — the Ambalatthikarahulovada Sutta (MN 61) — offers parents some important clues about teaching Dhamma to young children — in terms of both the content of what to teach and the method to use.
Though one may conquer a thousand times a thousand men in battle, yet he is indeed the noblest victor who conquers himself. ---Dhp 103
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Butrfly_Nirvana
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Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:34 pm

Re: Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent

Post by Butrfly_Nirvana »

notself wrote:This link might be useful. It' titled How should I teach Buddhism to my children? http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... .html#kids" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Here is a short quote from it.
The single most important lesson parents can convey to their children is that every action has consequences. Each moment presents us with an opportunity, and it is up to us to choose how we want to think, speak, or act. It is these choices that eventually determine our happiness. This is the essence of kamma, the basic law of cause and effect that underlies the Dhamma. It also happens to be the message behind one of the few recorded teachings the Buddha gave to his only child, Rahula. [1] This sutta — the Ambalatthikarahulovada Sutta (MN 61) — offers parents some important clues about teaching Dhamma to young children — in terms of both the content of what to teach and the method to use.

Thank you for that!! That was an incredible example, especially since a lot of times parents can get a bit 'long winded' in teaching the child right from wrong! I will focus more on finding 'teaching moments' rather than just simply seeing it as 'discipline' or 'bad behavior'!

:namaste:
PeterB
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Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:35 pm

Re: Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent

Post by PeterB »

Just a slight note of caution. There are no " born Buddhists". Just people born into Buddhist families. So be good responsible parents. But dont except by example set out to make little Buddhists. Otherwise it will likely end in tears. The " turning about in the seat of consciousness " has to happen if it happens at all, for each person as an individual. All we can do as parents and grandparents is contribute to a favourable atmosphere. And thats a challenge.
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christopher:::
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Re: Buddhism for the 21st Century Parent

Post by christopher::: »

I really think modeling and living the dhamma as best we can is the most important thing we can do. My sons have seen me meditate, almost every morning. They also see how i react to stress and emotions, we discuss their feelings, life problems. I do my best to use the brahmaviharas as a guide in my interactions with them, keep working on myself as best i can. My parents were like that, they had their issues, but they had were also wise in many ways. As i got older i think that wisdom has been a guide (and probably the not so wise has guided me as well). Buddha emphasized cause and effect, that if you think certain ways that will have an impact, an effect on your actions and feelings. Our parents were primary teachers of these matters, because we grew up and observed them, constantly. And now we as parents are doing this as well, sometimes "demonstrating" the wisdom of the dhamma and sometimes not.
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009
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