kayy wrote:Maybe some people would tell me that by returning to my worldly attachments, I was just running away from my suffering, trying to find solace in impermanent things.
This is true.
But when you suffer from depression, and when you are suicidally depressed, it is simply not a viable option to delve into it. It is too dangerous: what lies further into depression but psychosis and possible suicide?
Distraction is really the only option (in the immediate term anyway). After... then you can deal with the underlying problems. But depressives need external support, distractions, family, friends, exercise, etc.
Most people come to Buddhism with a fault-finding mind, and they practice Buddhism with a fault-finding mind. When the dhamma teaches that there is something
better than what we have, we start to see that there is something
wrong in what we have... When the dhamma teaches
stilling the mind, we
wrestle the mind... No wonder that we suffer.
And the best part is that suffering Buddhists actually condition others for suffering too, with their involuntary way of expressing the dhamma. Because of this, it is
paramount to keep in mind in every single moment that the true doctrine have one taste, the taste of freedom, just like the taste of salt in the ocean. That the true path is free from torture, free from groaning and free from suffering. If your experience differs, the problem is not
with the dhamma, but the problem is that what you have is
not the dhamma. If there is awareness regarding this in the mind, then there is a chance of discovering the true dhamma.
"Just as in the great ocean there is but one taste — the taste of salt — so in this Doctrine and Discipline there is but one taste — the taste of freedom"