From the web, but if you have some own stories, even better!
(A cruise ship passenger approaches me at the purser’s main guest services desk.)
Passenger:“This sure is a big boat. I’ve been lost three times already today. Do you have a map?”
Me:“Yes sir, here you are. There are also maps and signs posted throughout the ship on the walls, and you can always ask our staff or crew for directions until you get the feel for the layout.”
Passenger:“Oh, you’ve got such wonderful crew! I don’t ask directions. I don’t want to seem stupid. How many people fit on this boat?”
Me:“We can carry just about 5,000 passengers and have a crew of nearly 2,000 people.”
Passenger:“And do the crew stay on board with us?”
Dealing with customers....
Re: Dealing with customers....
The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One
Hotel | Traverse City, MI, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling the [hotel]. How may I direct your call?”
Customer: *in a British accent* “I need a room for tonight.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are booked.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “It’s the 4th of July. We’re always booked on the 4th.”
Customer: “I know the date! Why are you booked?”
Me: “Um, it’s July 4th.”
Customer: “Listen, just give me a room!”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, we are sold out. The entire town is sold out.”
Customer: “The entire town? Why?”
Me: “Sir, it’s the 4th of July. Independence day.”
Customer: “Independence from what?”
Me: “Um, England.”
Customer: “Oh bloody h***!” *click*
Hotel | Traverse City, MI, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling the [hotel]. How may I direct your call?”
Customer: *in a British accent* “I need a room for tonight.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are booked.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “It’s the 4th of July. We’re always booked on the 4th.”
Customer: “I know the date! Why are you booked?”
Me: “Um, it’s July 4th.”
Customer: “Listen, just give me a room!”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, we are sold out. The entire town is sold out.”
Customer: “The entire town? Why?”
Me: “Sir, it’s the 4th of July. Independence day.”
Customer: “Independence from what?”
Me: “Um, England.”
Customer: “Oh bloody h***!” *click*
Re: Dealing with customers....
(I've been in the same situation more than once....)
Hotel | Orlando, FL, USA
(I work as a security officer in an upscale hotel near the big theme parks in Orlando. We had gotten a call from one of the rooms complaining about a break-in and theft.)
Me: “Sir, you called security about a break-in? When were you out?”
Customer: “Yeah! We just got back from [theme park] and somebody broke in here and took all of our used towels and soaps and stuff! Looks like they went through everythin’!”
Me: “Sir? They took your used towels?”
Customer: “We had a buncha towels in the bathroom and a buncha shampoo and soaps are gone too! See?! These ain’t my towels, I know because we had used ours last night and draped `em over the shower curtain to dry! What kind of establishment are y’all runnin’ here?”
(I look around the bathroom–it looked tidy and neat. Clean towels were hanging on the towel rack, new bottles of courtesy soaps and shampoos were put on the bathroom counter.)
Me: “Sir, were these your towels from home? Was anything else taken?”
Customer: “No! We gotta buncha towels with our room and now they’re gone! Ah know because they were wet! Somebody done been in here snoopin’ through our room!”
Me: “Sir… I believe that was housekeeping. They come in, clean up the room, see if you need any fresh towels and give you new–”
(The man begins shouting.)
Customer: “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! SOMEBODY HAS BEEN IN MY ROOM!”
Me: “Its called ‘Housekeeping.’ They come in and replace any toiletries you use during–”
Customer: “Well I ain’t need no toilet treats! They coulda stole all my stuff!”
Me: “… sir, it was our maids. They come in and clean for you. There is a complimentary safe in your closet. You can lock up anything you don’t want out when our staff–”
Customer: “TELL THEM I DON’T WANT ANYONE IN MY ROOM AND GOIN’ THROUGH ALL MY STUFF! If they do it again, I’m calling the police and having all y’all arrested!”
Me: “Alright, sir…”
(The customer and his family stayed a whole week in the hotel. Evidently he used the same 4 towels the whole time and split a 1 oz bottle of shampoo for 4 people over 6 days.)
Hotel | Orlando, FL, USA
(I work as a security officer in an upscale hotel near the big theme parks in Orlando. We had gotten a call from one of the rooms complaining about a break-in and theft.)
Me: “Sir, you called security about a break-in? When were you out?”
Customer: “Yeah! We just got back from [theme park] and somebody broke in here and took all of our used towels and soaps and stuff! Looks like they went through everythin’!”
Me: “Sir? They took your used towels?”
Customer: “We had a buncha towels in the bathroom and a buncha shampoo and soaps are gone too! See?! These ain’t my towels, I know because we had used ours last night and draped `em over the shower curtain to dry! What kind of establishment are y’all runnin’ here?”
(I look around the bathroom–it looked tidy and neat. Clean towels were hanging on the towel rack, new bottles of courtesy soaps and shampoos were put on the bathroom counter.)
Me: “Sir, were these your towels from home? Was anything else taken?”
Customer: “No! We gotta buncha towels with our room and now they’re gone! Ah know because they were wet! Somebody done been in here snoopin’ through our room!”
Me: “Sir… I believe that was housekeeping. They come in, clean up the room, see if you need any fresh towels and give you new–”
(The man begins shouting.)
Customer: “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! SOMEBODY HAS BEEN IN MY ROOM!”
Me: “Its called ‘Housekeeping.’ They come in and replace any toiletries you use during–”
Customer: “Well I ain’t need no toilet treats! They coulda stole all my stuff!”
Me: “… sir, it was our maids. They come in and clean for you. There is a complimentary safe in your closet. You can lock up anything you don’t want out when our staff–”
Customer: “TELL THEM I DON’T WANT ANYONE IN MY ROOM AND GOIN’ THROUGH ALL MY STUFF! If they do it again, I’m calling the police and having all y’all arrested!”
Me: “Alright, sir…”
(The customer and his family stayed a whole week in the hotel. Evidently he used the same 4 towels the whole time and split a 1 oz bottle of shampoo for 4 people over 6 days.)
Re: Dealing with customers....
It’s Not Just The Bread That’s Thick
Bakery | Madison, WI, USA
Customer: “How thick do you slice my bread?”
Me: “It depends how thick you’d like it. We have both a thin and thick slicer.” *gestures to show each thickness*
Customer: “Are you sure that’s as thick as you slice the bread? Show me a thick slice. Maybe you got it wrong.”
Me: “Okay, one moment.” *gets a thick slice of bread*
Customer: “That’s it? THAT’S your thick slice? You didn’t grab the thin by mistake?”
Me: “No, sir, I made sure to get a thick slice. I don’t have to slice it if you’d rather do it yourself.”
Customer: “No! I shouldn’t have to slice it myself to make it filling! You should change your bread. I’m used to good, thick European bread. You shouldn’t even be called a bakery, you don’t make real bread!”
Me: “Sorry, I don’t actually make the bread. I just sell it.”
Customer: “Oh, and I suppose you didn’t name the company either?”
Me: “No, I didn’t.”
Customer: “DON’T GET SMART WITH ME!”
Bakery | Madison, WI, USA
Customer: “How thick do you slice my bread?”
Me: “It depends how thick you’d like it. We have both a thin and thick slicer.” *gestures to show each thickness*
Customer: “Are you sure that’s as thick as you slice the bread? Show me a thick slice. Maybe you got it wrong.”
Me: “Okay, one moment.” *gets a thick slice of bread*
Customer: “That’s it? THAT’S your thick slice? You didn’t grab the thin by mistake?”
Me: “No, sir, I made sure to get a thick slice. I don’t have to slice it if you’d rather do it yourself.”
Customer: “No! I shouldn’t have to slice it myself to make it filling! You should change your bread. I’m used to good, thick European bread. You shouldn’t even be called a bakery, you don’t make real bread!”
Me: “Sorry, I don’t actually make the bread. I just sell it.”
Customer: “Oh, and I suppose you didn’t name the company either?”
Me: “No, I didn’t.”
Customer: “DON’T GET SMART WITH ME!”
Re: Dealing with customers....
READING EMPTY MINDS....
Library | West Midlands, UK
(Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.
Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome’.”
Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”
Customer: “But…no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”
Me “I overheard you from-”
Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful, do it again! What am I thinking about now?”
(She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)
Me: “Um…Superman?”
Customer: “F***!”
Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”
Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”
Me: “No, you just shouted it.”
Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”
Library | West Midlands, UK
(Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.
Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome’.”
Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”
Customer: “But…no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”
Me “I overheard you from-”
Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful, do it again! What am I thinking about now?”
(She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)
Me: “Um…Superman?”
Customer: “F***!”
Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”
Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”
Me: “No, you just shouted it.”
Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”
Re: Dealing with customers....
Laughing about this helps me overcome my last strange encounters with customers so much....
No Fortitude For Longitude
Retail | Chicago, IL, USA
Me: “How may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, hello. I ordered some shoes from your store and put it at a one day delivery. It said it was supposed to be delivered by 4:00 today, and it hasn’t been delivered yet.”
Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Where are you calling from?”
Customer: “Dallas.”
Me: “Dallas, Texas sir?”
Customer: “You know any other Dallas?”
(I check the time and see that it’s 3:00)
Me: “Sir, it’s only 3:00.”
Customer: “Now listen here son, just because it’s three o’clock where you are doesn’t mean it’s the same time over here!”
Me: “Sir, Dallas is in the same time zone as Chicago.”
Customer: “Boy, do I need to get you a map? Dallas is a million miles from Chicago!”
No Fortitude For Longitude
Retail | Chicago, IL, USA
Me: “How may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, hello. I ordered some shoes from your store and put it at a one day delivery. It said it was supposed to be delivered by 4:00 today, and it hasn’t been delivered yet.”
Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Where are you calling from?”
Customer: “Dallas.”
Me: “Dallas, Texas sir?”
Customer: “You know any other Dallas?”
(I check the time and see that it’s 3:00)
Me: “Sir, it’s only 3:00.”
Customer: “Now listen here son, just because it’s three o’clock where you are doesn’t mean it’s the same time over here!”
Me: “Sir, Dallas is in the same time zone as Chicago.”
Customer: “Boy, do I need to get you a map? Dallas is a million miles from Chicago!”