"It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will."
Here someone, abandoning false speech, becomes one who abstains from false speech: when summoned to a court or to a meeting or to his relatives' presence or to his guild or to the royal family's presence, and questioned as a witness thus, 'So, good man, tell what you know,' not knowing, he says 'I do not know,' or knowing, he says 'I know,' not seeing he says 'I do not see,' or seeing, he says 'I see'; he does not in full awareness speak falsehood for his own ends or for another's ends or for some trifling worldly end.
Stefan wrote:I was just giving an example.
Stefan wrote:a woman asks her husband "Do I look alright this evening?"... what should he say?
Anicca wrote:Howdy Stefan!
Last couple of threads you've started have contained questions about honesty in marriage.
Stefan wrote:Let me give an example. Someone gives me a gift for my birthday which I don't like. A white lie would be to say to the giver that I like the gift. Is such a lie acceptable according to the Dhamma? Isn't telling him "Sorry but I don't like your gift!" offensive, in which case the white lie is the better option?
Stefan wrote:Another example: a woman asks her husband "Do I look alright this evening?". If he thinks she actually doesn't, what should he say?
See, I'd like to know whether white lies are ever acceptable.
Sobeh wrote:I wonder if white lies are a form of attachment to rites and rituals, in this case 'social lubrication'.
PeterB wrote:A white lie is not always about the speakers best interest as they see it. What would you do if a Nazi officer asked you in 1942 if you had any little girls called Anne Frank in your attic ?
SDC wrote:But sometimes a spouse wants to know if they still meet the standard that attracted you to them in the first place
a standard of brutal honesty is very important between a husband and wife.
Stefan wrote:Are white lies acceptable?
Mukunda wrote:PeterB wrote:A white lie is not always about the speakers best interest as they see it. What would you do if a Nazi officer asked you in 1942 if you had any little girls called Anne Frank in your attic ?
Respond with "Why on earth would you think such a thing?" Of course, if he really did ask the question as you posed it, chances are very good he already knows she's there, so where's the benefit in lying?
Peter wrote:Stefan wrote:Are white lies acceptable?
Are you meaning to ask a dhamma question? If so, do you mean "Are white lies ever wholesome? Or is any kind of lie unwholesome?"
Annapurna wrote:SDC wrote:But sometimes a spouse wants to know if they still meet the standard that attracted you to them in the first place
What a good observation! And what were those standards?
Just looks....? Then we have a problem, because looks will wane.
But if a relationships was based on inner values, then we don't, because inner values increase as we age, together. Not just one of the two.a standard of brutal honesty is very important between a husband and wife.
I hope fate will never give me a husband that is brutally honest, much rather one that has loving kindness...!
5 factors of right speech...
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