I am determined to abstain from pornography

General discussion of issues related to Theravada Training of Sila, the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).

Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby tiltbillings » Mon Jul 26, 2010 7:06 am

Annapurna wrote:Good luck with your efforts, everybody.

I was never interested on porn, so I don't need to abstain, but I keep thinking about this, perhaps it helps.

Watching porn is a phenomenon of our modern times. It didn't exist a 100 years ago.
There has been porn for a very long time, back to the Greeks, and likely before.
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Mawkish1983 » Mon Jul 26, 2010 7:30 am

tiltbillings wrote:
Mawkish1983 wrote:Different strokes for different folks, eh?
Pun intended?
Kind of obvious huh :). I think it's nice that we're able to get advice about this topic even from people with no first hand experience of the problem :).
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby tiltbillings » Mon Jul 26, 2010 7:37 am

Mawkish1983 wrote:
tiltbillings wrote:
Mawkish1983 wrote:Different strokes for different folks, eh?
Pun intended?
Kind of obvious huh :). I think it's nice that we're able to get advice about this topic even from people with no first hand experience of the problem :).
Advice is nice, but you just have to do what works.

The best - probably - unintended pun is in this thread is in this msg: viewtopic.php?f=22&t=562#p6418
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Mawkish1983 » Mon Jul 26, 2010 7:39 am

'Hard' not to giggle :)
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Annapurna » Mon Jul 26, 2010 7:59 am

Oh, it's not that I don't have any first hand experience, Makwish, assuming you have me in mind, :tongue: I've tried a lot of things, with the exception of hard drugs such as heroine, crack and bla.

I hung out with a colorful lot of people so far, so needless to say their lifestyles are no books with 7 seals to me. I think I might have more first hand experience in more things than you would imagine from the way I post here and perhaps more than you.

Only thing is- some stuff just doesn't do it for me.

Doesn't mean I haven't seen m/any.

But, to speak with Paul Newman:

"Why should I waste my time and appetite on a hamburger on the way home, when I can have a T-bone steak at home?"

I happen to have had only T bone steaks at home and am very thankful for them...

Plus, I think if I were interested in porn, I would not post my concerns here.... :thinking:

I would probably indulge and waste no second thoughts on what is done and what is to come, that's all speculative, and as you see, you went about another method too....

hope my reply is not offesnive...


Metta,

Anna :namaste:
Last edited by Annapurna on Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Aloka » Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:02 am

.

I watched a few porn films with a boyfriend when I was a student, but have never had the desire to watch staged, mechanical sex taking place in a film studio since then.

I can't see why there's a problem...its quite simple, just don't watch it !



.
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Annapurna » Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:04 am

tiltbillings wrote:The best - probably - unintended pun is in this thread is in this msg: http://dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=562#p6418


:rofl:

I had missed it...
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Mawkish1983 » Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:33 am

Annapurna wrote:I've tried a lot of things
Congratulations.
Annapurna wrote:hope my reply is not offensive
Whether it is or not, I'm not offended :)
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Joseph » Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:13 pm

Thanks for the feedback everybody!
it's good to know that I'm not alone who's struggling with this.

It seems that lust is the last remaining "addiction" I'm wrestling with.

In the past, I've struggled with alcohol and drugs, which cost me a marriage, relationships, jobs, friends, etc. I've been clean and free from "mood altering" chemicals, except for coffee, for over 18 years now. I used to smoke between 40 and 50 cigarettes per day and I quit that too 4 years ago. Gambling has also been a problem on and off in the past but not anymore.

I would say that lust is a better word than porn in my situation. Porn conveys images of pornographic movies and magazines, etc. Lust is much wider and more subtle. I'll start using some of the tools which worked on the other addictions. Also, I will use the advice I've got from some members of this forum.

I'm fairly new on this path, having started to meditate just a little over 1 year ago. Last April, I attended a 10 days vipassana course. I cannot pinpoint what it was but something I'd never experienced before, something so profound it changed my life but how, I cannot pinpoint it yet.

I'm very new to this and in my limited experience I see that I didn't come to be on this path as a result of things going great in my life but quite the opposite. I didn't wake up one morning and upon seeing the beautiful blue sky and hearing the birds singing thinking, "oh, I feel so great, I think I'll start to meditate today", but rather, I started asking myself some serious questions about my life in general and the fact that I'm still hurting people and myself, even after a life of recovery from addictions. Something inside told me to start meditation. It was the only thing I hadn't tried before.

Anyway, I hope you have a meaningful journey!

G
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby OcTavO » Mon Jul 26, 2010 5:27 pm

I fully salute the efforts and resolve of those wishing to abstain from porn, but I'll throw in the other side of the coin (this is not an argument against or devil's-advocate position by any stretch of the imagination... so please don't take it that way.)

I'm a married, non-celibate lay practitioner (I mean "lay" as in Lay-Buddhist, not lay... well you know what I mean... :tongue: ). My wife and I have used porn on occasion to enrich our physical relationship, which I think is perhaps the norm in western society rather than the exception. While I fully understand the addictive power of it, and the harm which certain sectors of the pornography industry can bring, I think there are perhaps many more powerful (and harmful) practices on which the lay practitioner should focus abstinence upon. In my practice right now, for example, I'm spending a good deal of my time focusing on right speech. In the past, I've caused far more suffering to myself and others with words than I could have dreamed of with pornography.
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Mon Jul 26, 2010 6:40 pm

Anumodana to everyone who has taken up the battle to counter lust in its myriad forms. I, too, have made the aditthana to abstain from viewing or using porn to gain gratification because I have found myself using it as a form of intoxication far too many times to count as well as due to the variety of ways it has (mis)informed my views on sex and sexual intimacy. Obviously this is not going to be a problem that everyone experiences but, for those of us that have identified it as a problem, I wish uus continued strength in or efforts and eventual success in uprooting kama tanha. Sukhitaa hontu!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby dexmorg » Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:45 am

I have to admit that i had porn open on another window until I read this post... :toilet: It's closed now!!! And...HOORAY!!! I can post!!! Thanks for your compassion chaps :)
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:56 am

Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

Uposatha Observance Club:http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=148031379279&v=info
Kiva-Theravada Buddhists:http://www.kiva.org/team/theravada_buddhists
Dana on the Interwebs:
http://greatergood.com
http://freerice.com
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby shjohnk » Fri Aug 06, 2010 8:12 am

Hi all,

This is also an issue for me. i assume we are talking about internet porn here? If so, something that is helping me is starting lots of projects that can fill my net surfing time: i find that i often surf porn when I feel i have 'idle time' on my hands, so now I have started a number of projects that I need to use the 'net for, and this gives me something worthwhile and wholesome to use the 'net for :toast: Some of my projects are:
- Learn Sinhala.
- Find Buddhist penpals in Sri Lanka, thailand, Cambodia and Myanmar.
- Write Dhamma-themed short stories.
- Find Buddhist quotes to use in my team-building sessions here at work.
- Research opportunities for volunteer work in Buddhist countries.

i feel these should take up a lot of the time i used to use watching internet porn. So my advice: Get busy!!!

Metta to all,

john
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby manas » Fri Sep 10, 2010 11:42 am

Hi all, I just found this post. Thank god(s), I'm not the only one.

I live alone, am quite shy (and shyness does nothing to impress women), so porn has become my 'de facto' lover of sorts. I've tried VERY hard to give it up. Heaps of times.

Really, since a monastery is out of the question (I have my kids over every weekend), I would be better off having a girlfriend than engaging in 'pleasure devoid of love', which is what masturbation to porn is. Not good for the heart's development, really. At least with a (real) woman, sex would not JUST be about sex, genuine affection would be mixed in there too.

Anyway this website has exceeded my expectations; :anjali: I never expected people would be understanding of this issue also. Thank goodness those of us who suffer from it don't have to hide for fear of harsh judgement.

So I too have the same aspiration as the others here, I aspire to free myself completely from porn (Guess I just admitted that it's a mild addiction at present). May we all succeed.

PS, someone said that if it's a problem, 'just don't do it!' Respectfully, that's like telling an alcoholic or a smoker 'well just stop' and expecting that it's just that simple. You have to have been addicted to something on a chemical level to know how tough the process of freeing yourself is. At the moment of orgasm, dopamine and other neurochemicals get released in the brain, and an orgasm junkie is actually hooked on those chemicals, more than the physical sensation of about ten seconds duration. It's chemical, that's why its as tough as alcohol or smokes to give up.
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Fri Sep 10, 2010 5:23 pm

Best wishes on your noble endeavor manasikara. May we all meet with success!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

Uposatha Observance Club:http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=148031379279&v=info
Kiva-Theravada Buddhists:http://www.kiva.org/team/theravada_buddhists
Dana on the Interwebs:
http://greatergood.com
http://freerice.com
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby nyanasuci » Fri Sep 10, 2010 5:24 pm

I recoment to read that letter of Ven. Nanavira. He talks about addiction:
http://nanavira.xtreemhost.com/index.ph ... &Itemid=49
Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby nyanasuci » Fri Sep 10, 2010 5:32 pm

And read also that:

Be quick in doing what's admirable.
Restrain your mind from what's evil.
When you're slow in making merit,
evil delights the mind.

— Dhp 116

Instead of thinking how to satisfy your desire, quickly think and do a meritorious act.

One more:

Even the evil meet with good fortune as long as their evil has yet to mature. But when it's matured that's when they meet with evil. Even the good meet with bad fortune as long as their good has yet to mature. But when it's matured that's when they meet with good fortune. Don't be heedless of evil ('It won't come to me'). A water jar fills, even with water falling in drops. With evil — even if bit by bit, habitually — the fool fills himself full. Don't be heedless of merit ('It won't come to me'). A water jar fills, even with water falling in drops. With merit — even if bit by bit, habitually — the enlightened one fills himself full.
— Dhp 119-122
Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


http://pathpress.org | http://nanavira.org | http://ajahnchah.org
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby manas » Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:29 pm

I sincerely thank the above posters for those quotes and bits of advice. 'Thought-replacement' might work...as soon as the desire for the unwholesome action occurs, don't try and fight it (that's just engaging with it, a risky affair), just jump up and do something good instead, right away. Done often enough, it could 're-condition' the mind.

In how many more wombs must I lie
Till I know that desire
Is no friend of mine?
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby nyanasuci » Mon Sep 13, 2010 7:38 pm

Something like that I meant with indicating the Sutta verses above. When there is such gross desire (which is unplesant to hold) we like to satisfy it in some way: we eat, drink, watch movies, etc. But we can replace following unskillful desires with following skillful (meritorious) desires. The good work will satisfy our need, and will bring long-lasting happiness.
Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


http://pathpress.org | http://nanavira.org | http://ajahnchah.org
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