The Hidden Cost of Smiling

[Ben]

whateva

[legolas]

whateva

A good cogent argument.

[Ben]

whateva

A good cogent argument.

Thank you, now perhaps do you think you could return to topic?

[Fede]

Whereas Noam Shpancer (what a name to conjure with....! I think I'd soon lose my smile if I had to keep telling people how to spell it! "No, like dancer, but drop the D, and put Shp....") is obviously writing from a personal objective, and merely propounding theoris which appear to be of his own making, much research suggests that even a forced smile on the face of one unwilling to smile naturally, can have a beneficial psychological and physical effects.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Smiling-Is-Go ... &id=438527

http://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongb ... miling.htm

http://bipolar.about.com/cs/humor/a/000802_smile.htm

Either Mr Noam 'bah humbug' Shpancer hasn't done his research, or he feels that bringing other folk down to a miserable level is preferable. Wallowing is so much easier when you're shallow.....!

[Annapurna]

Would like to hear your comments on this, from a Buddhist point of view:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ins ... st-smiling" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Sherab,

I found the article hihgly interesting, and this has to do with my nationality.
I'm from Bavaria, in South Germany.

After WW II Bavaria had military posts of the US Army basically everywhere.s

So one of these days I ran into a WEst Point officer and we evetually got engaged. When I was with him in the States to visit, I was overwhelmed by the friendliness I encountered everywhere.

Everybody was smiling at me, even strangers in supermarkets apologized and smiled when actually I had bumped into them.

I felt very welcome and it was easy to make a contact.

In good old Germany, it is different.

Even though I come from Bavaria which is much more easygoing and mellow than the North, (no wonder, we make the best beer in the world, he, )people here will frown when they feel like it. They'll tell you their honest opinion, and not too softly. Their faces are mostly a total mirror of the inner mood. Honesty and authentizity trumps.

So when I came back to Germany, I noticed this for the first time:

"Wow, how grouchy people look. But most people just had indifferent faces, I just missed the smiles.

Here, when you smile, you're either with good friends, or you have "intentions".

To pick somebody up.

I was even once asked by an American to smile.

I told him: "Why? I don't feel like smiling. "

He saiod: Yes, but it doesn't have to show. People will think you are mad at them."

This brings us to the biological and evolutionary PURPOSE of smiling:

It is an appeasing gesture.

Dogs and cats will wag tails, purr and give their cheeks into your hand,

Human beings smile to show harmlessness and to appease.

Smiling is a huge inrstument we are using to signal to others that we are not looking for a fight, but friend-ly. Like friends.

Like in Germany friends smile at each other.

A bit less phoney smiles in the USA and a bit more friendliness to strangers in Germany would be my ideal.

Anna

PS: I have adopted a lot of the Americyan style, btw. It has the effect that people become very friendly and helpful....and that makes me happy and smile.

What a vicious circle.

[PeterB]

That really is Noble Silence. I have often looked at the ground and avoided peoples faces and not said a word, I can be a right stroppy bugger.

Well I guess there is noble silence (of body speech and mind) and the Noble Silence that is a metaphor for the jhanas which do not permit a bastard to remain stroppy.

45162_421514152004_6708787004_5005046_831438_s.jpg

What I was getting at, was an observation that the conditions of silent retreats provides a brilliant respite from the constant caustic bs of meaningless social interaction. As I said, it was really just an observation, not a solution.

Noble silence is not restraining oneself from calling someone a bastard, that would come under Right Speech i.e. not using derogatory language by remaining silent would come under Right Speech.
Noble silence of body, speech & mind is jhana.

Some people ARE bastards. Voicing that in itself is not a breach of right speech.

[Vepacitta]

"Spock, can't you smile? You're half human ..."

"Mother, humans smile at so little provocation ..."

Star Trek - Tower of Babel

Well, I think there is an issue of 'too much smiling' - especially here in America. I never was a smiley sort - then I did it 'on purpose' - flashed those brighty-whities - and people do react differently to one. But it's calculated - it's a tactic. (And yes, I have a genuine smile as well - but that's for friends or when I'm actually feeling okey dokey).

There is in America this 'over positivist' culture - things could truly suck on a gigantic scale - but you're expected to pour pink paint over it all and 'think positive!" (You have to say that in a saccharine sweet overly high mid-western female accent to really grok what I mean). Not that one should wallow, but one had to deal with what is going on with oneself honestly. However, if you even broach things honestly with people - you can be labeled 'negative' or 'a person with an attitude'. If you stick up for yourself - reasonably - soft voice - no swearing - you may still be labeled 'difficult'. People are very self-obsessed in our (US) society and don't want to be even reminded of anyone else's crap - because - I believe - it reminds them of their own existential angst.

A pox on pink paint pouring, I say!

But that's just me.

Annapurna - love love loved your post.

As to stroppiness - I always thought Kassapa was extremely stroppy - especially with Ananda. Being an arahant didn't do much for his 'personality'. I've always thought that one could be an arahant - and yet - still be unpleasant to certain people - underlying tendencies are still there. We discussed this in class last month. I also recall Ajahn Sumedho saying, 'Even arahants can be annoying''. Good ol' Ajahn Sumedho - so down to earth.

And sometimes - I think you do need to tell people if they're being a right bastard - or else they'll walk all over you - it would be nice if forbearance worked - but it usually doesn't. Metta doesn't mean being a schnook (wuss, weakling, ninny).

From a discussion I had with my teacher, he would say that refraining from calling someone a bastard would be restraint - you'd need to use that restraint in order to practise right speech. (Christ I sure do).

Jeez, that was rambly ....

But yeh - nothing wrong with smiling per se - but forced smiliness in order to ignore what's going on around you or within you - that just leads to more samsara-ing - more delusive thinking - in my opinion, of course (I think I'll go and attach to some view today ...)

And Peter - you are so right - some people are never happier than when they are miserable! I told my brother that once and he hung up the phone in a fury!

Cheers,

V.

V.

[Fede]

(. . .)
This brings us to the biological and evolutionary PURPOSE of smiling:

It is an appeasing gesture.

Dogs and cats will wag tails, purr and give their cheeks into your hand,

I must (as a Dog behaviourist) take issue with this comment. Dogs and cats do not wag their tails to show whether they are happy, and it is most certainly NOT an appeasing gesture.
In both cases, it is a warning.

A cat will flick its tail to show irritation and rising anger. Soon after the tail-wag, the claws will appear.
Dogs wag their tails at different heights and levels, to indicate their mood at that moment. A dog wagging its tail is NOT necessarily a happy dog!

Occasionally, a cat purring will also be in pain. what they're doing is alerting you to their need and present-moment mood. Happiness or appeasement has nothing to do with it. Sorry, but its true.

Am starting a new thread, with Moderator permission....