Joke!!!

A place to discuss casual topics amongst spiritual friends.
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shjohnk
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Location: Shanghai, China

Joke!!!

Post by shjohnk »

Here's a joke I found funny, hope you do too :)

A Buddhist goes up to a hotdog vendor and says 'Make me one with everything'. The vendor smiles and dishes up his best dog. the buddhist gives him a 50 dollar note, smiling apologetically. The vendor accepts it and smiles back. After two minutes the vendor still hasn't given the change so the buddhist asks as non-confrontationally as possible 'Excuse me, may i have the change?' The vendor looks at him wisely and says 'Change comes only from within'

:rofl:

Have a happy day!!!!
alan
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Location: Miramar beach, Fl.

Re: Joke!!!

Post by alan »

Who is stupid enough to give $50 to someone who deals in small transactions?
And why the hell is our Buddhist eating hot dogs, anyway?
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Kare
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Kare »

alan wrote:Who is stupid enough to give $50 to someone who deals in small transactions?
And why the hell is our Buddhist eating hot dogs, anyway?
He does not like them cold.
Mettāya,
Kåre
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Fede
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Fede »

Had he just bought the vacuum cleaner?
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Ben
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Ben »

alan wrote:Who is stupid enough to give $50 to someone who deals in small transactions?
Someone willing to get a fist full dollars back in change!
Or perhaps the good, the bad and the ugly?
alan wrote:And why the hell is our Buddhist eating hot dogs, anyway?
He was hungry enough to eat a horse, but went the dog instead,
Pedestrian, but compassionate! And by being pedestrian, he defines himself as a Buddhist by walking on the path!
Cheers

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR

e: [email protected]..
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Fede
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Fede »

My my, Ben, u so chippy-chippy on form today, aintcha....?? :tongue: :jumping:
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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mikenz66
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by mikenz66 »

All that fresh air is having an interesting effect on you Ben... :tongue:

Mike
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Ben
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Ben »

Yes, I think it was my day yesterday. Early rise to get on the road by 6AM and be at the meditation centre for group-sit at 8AM at Mt Dromedary and then a meeting afterwards.
Image
Got back to campus around 5PM. Despite catching up with other practitioners and seeing someone again after 21 years, it was a looooonng day.
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR

e: [email protected]..
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Ben
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Ben »

mikenz66 wrote:All that fresh air is having an interesting effect on you Ben... :tongue:

Mike
Hi Mike

I've started keeping a practice diary of sorts: http://benoloughlin.wordpress.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
kind regards

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR

e: [email protected]..
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mikenz66
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by mikenz66 »

Nice photos. Can you send me some of that baking? :clap:

Mike
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bodom
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by bodom »

Sravaka in a Savage Land. :thumbsup:

I like it.

:anjali:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
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Ben
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Ben »

It would be a pleasure! However, I think NZ customs might have something to say (and chew over)!
The epilogue to that post was that the bread was a bit of a disaster. I put the instant yeast powder in the deep freeze at the end of the last camp and it was too cold for it to activate. Later that day I attempted turkish pide and it was moderately successful, still a bit dense, and I was late pulling it out of the oven.
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR

e: [email protected]..
Euclid
Posts: 200
Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 2:33 am
Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Re: Joke!!!

Post by Euclid »

How many Vipassi does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Just note; darkness, darkness, darkness, darkness...
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cooran
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by cooran »

The Australian Taxation Office decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
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cooran
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by cooran »

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.''I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
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