I don't think it's possible to teach her now...

[unspoken]

My sister is older than me, 19 and she has Autism. This mental disorder is something like having difficulty to socialize and she needs to have to do "a little" self torturing things such as pulling off her hair one by one. This is because she need the "pain" produced to stimulate her brain to feel comfortable.

On the other hand my dad is a really.... bad person because not just he commit affairs with other woman, he even lie to family saying he's poor and use the money to go pubs to drink, taking care of other woman, use it to buy ornaments for himself and so on mostly unforgivable fault that a person will not do. When I give advice like don't commit affairs with other woman as it will bring harm or so, because he's hardheaded and he refuse to listen me, his "self centered" is really strong and saying " I am old than you, shut up. I know what I am doing, don't need you to tell me "

So his non-understanding keep scolding my sister and making conflicts between my sister and himself. I tried to help my sister by giving metta to her and hope to give her advices and so on. But she just don't get what I am telling and accuse me of scolding her all the time, sometimes she even do things without thinking.

So basically I am telling you guys that my non-patient,non-loving,unwise father is making the process hard and my sister despite of having a job, so she thinks she is old than me and do not take up advices from me.

So there's no way they let me teach them neither taking my advice, everyday they commit the same things. Is there any suggestions that can turn the situation to be better?

I got my own answer--- I just tell them the way to change when they wan't to know how to change. I did not give any suggestions unless they ask, but sometimes I will give.
I am just taking opinions from some experienced ones or wise people from other part of the country or region/

And sorry for my bad English, I hope you guys understand my English as English is not my native language and there's no active forum I know from my region.

Thank you. For the ones who give patients reading my post, may peace and wisdom will be with you.

Sukhi Hotu

[Anicca]

Howdy unspoken!

sorry for my bad English

It is not "bad", it is just not your native language but you can communicate using it. Good for you!

I just tell them the way to change when they wan't to know how to change. I did not give any suggestions unless they ask

Yes! When they ask the right questions be sure to give the right answers - if they do not ask - how can you know the right answer to their question? You are wise.

Is there any suggestions that can turn the situation to be better?

Yes. You can be the best person you can be. You can better your faults and give them the oportunity to see for themselves how a person can make the best of situations in life that are not always the way we want them. How do you do this? Associate with wise people and heed their lessons. There is a lot of knowledge that you can put into action to make it your wisdom if you listen to the teachings of the wise. Read what the dhamma has to offer you to help you be the best person possible.

So basically I am telling you guys that my non-patient,non-loving,unwise father is making the process hard and my sister despite of having a job, so she thinks she is old than me and do not take up advices from me.

We owe much to our parents - honor that which is honorable about them - do they provide your requisites - your food, shelter, medical care and clothing? And we owe to those who give us the "weights" that we use to develop our "muscles" - do you understand what i mean or do i need to elaborate?

There are many here with much to offer - i hope you can benefit. You seem to have a mighty good start on wisdom.

Metta

[Goedert]

Friend,

This is a difficult thing to help you on an internet board.

I suggest you look to see the dependent co-arising in the situations, try to have a penetrative concentration and calm in your heart.

Suggest you contemplate the below verses of dhammapada:

"Kodhavagga: Anger" (Dhp XVII), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight, August 23, 2010, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html.

[unspoken]

So basically I am telling you guys that my non-patient,non-loving,unwise father is making the process hard and my sister despite of having a job, so she thinks she is old than me and do not take up advices from me.

We owe much to our parents - honor that which is honorable about them - do they provide your requisites - your food, shelter, medical care and clothing? And we owe to those who give us the "weights" that we use to develop our "muscles" - do you understand what i mean or do i need to elaborate?[/quote]

I understand clearly now. Honor the honorable about them is the best way to get closer to them and open their enclosed heart.

Thank you. May the merits of teaching this dhamma to me will lead you to a much better and peaceful life.

[Anicca]

Honor the honorable about them is the best way to get closer to them and open their enclosed heart.

It is a way to respect them. We owe them much - but do not expect anything in return. They may still be distant with a lock on their closed heart - they will do what they do. Let them live their life as they see fit - you live yours to your best and at least you can be a good example - but there is no guarantee that will change them...

Read all you can of what the Buddha teaches!

Metta.