I am determined to abstain from pornography

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby manas » Thu Sep 16, 2010 9:33 pm

Thanks Bhante. :anjali: (I just read your name more carefully!). Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world', but I really appreciate that members of the Bhikkhu Sangha are here in this Forum to offer advice even about such difficult subjects as this one!

Regarding the mind finding satisfaction in the good rather than the bad, this is a gradual process for me, perhaps a lifelong one. Just as the Buddha says in the Dhammapada, my mind, due to the force of acquired habit (since time immemorial?) quite naturally and effortlessly glides towards sense pleasures (NO effort needed here!), but to experience the pleasure of meditation, effort IS needed! Waking up is hard to do, but now that the Buddha has shown me this much, just rolling over and going back to sleep seems a ghastly option...yet what the Buddha invites me to do (renunciation by seeing things as they really are) is difficult also. I'm sorry to sound like I'm complaining, it's just how I feel these days. (Btw I humbly bow to the Sakyan Sage, who holds up a Light for any who wish to see, and offers a Path to deliverance!)

Sincerely, 'manasikara'.
Then the Blessed One, picking up a tiny bit of dust with the tip of his fingernail, said to the monk, "There isn't even this much form...feeling...
perception...fabrications...consciousness that is constant, lasting, eternal, not subject to change, that will stay just as it is as long as eternity."

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Monkey Mind
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Monkey Mind » Thu Sep 16, 2010 10:09 pm

"As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I."
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.

Sutta Nipāta 3.710

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mikenz66
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby mikenz66 » Fri Sep 17, 2010 3:12 am

Yes, if you need advice on overcoming lust, monks are clearly one of the most useful sources for practical advice... :sage:

Though one of my teachers who ordained as a novice at about age 12 sometimes joked:
"There's no point in asking my advice about sex...". :tongue:

:anjali:
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Pacific » Fri Sep 17, 2010 5:55 am

as I heard the other night in a discussion about this subject -- "it just doesn't lead to enlightenment" which is as good enough reason as one needs I reckon

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nyanasuci
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby nyanasuci » Fri Sep 17, 2010 4:02 pm

Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


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Aloka
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Aloka » Fri Sep 17, 2010 6:14 pm


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nyanasuci
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby nyanasuci » Sat Sep 18, 2010 7:57 am

Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


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Dmytro
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Dmytro » Sat Sep 18, 2010 9:45 am

Hello,

These problems can be overcome with the help of proper tools.

The key resource needed to deal with any addiction is the time and space to reflect. In the case of porn, time and space between the thought and porn website.

Such a distance is provided by parental control services. I've found very useful the service http://www.opendns.com/. It can block a range of websites, according to selected settings, including also those websites which can compromise computer security.

Another viable option is http://www1.k9webprotection.com/
(see the comparison at: http://www.techsupportalert.com/best-fr ... Filter.htm )

These services give you some time, and the rest is up to you.

Good luck!


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Moth
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Moth » Sun Sep 19, 2010 8:13 am

The moment of lust--a sudden shift of consciousness where we suddenly feel overwhelmed and out of our own control. In this state of mind it is quite easy to make illogical mistakes, which I have often done. The real skill is experiencing this state of arousal and simply not acting upon it, watching it arise and watching it fade. However if we identify with it, if we make it a condition of "our self" then we are likely to fall victim to it. Do not despise it, do not venerate it, simple be impassive towards it.
Last edited by Moth on Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby manas » Sun Sep 19, 2010 10:03 pm

Then the Blessed One, picking up a tiny bit of dust with the tip of his fingernail, said to the monk, "There isn't even this much form...feeling...
perception...fabrications...consciousness that is constant, lasting, eternal, not subject to change, that will stay just as it is as long as eternity."

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Monkey Mind
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Monkey Mind » Mon Sep 20, 2010 4:49 am

I was afraid that if I asked the monks questions about drinking alcohol, masturbation, and pornography, my questions would trigger a relapse in sensual desire. What if I show a monk my new iphone, and he suddenly disrobes in pursuit of the latest gadgets! I discovered that their resolve was amazing! Who better to learn from when trying to control my desires. Besides, it seems that Buddha wanted the monks to be available to the laity.
"As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I."
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.

Sutta Nipāta 3.710

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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:49 am

To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

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tiltbillings
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby tiltbillings » Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:24 am


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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby manas » Fri Sep 24, 2010 4:21 am

Then the Blessed One, picking up a tiny bit of dust with the tip of his fingernail, said to the monk, "There isn't even this much form...feeling...
perception...fabrications...consciousness that is constant, lasting, eternal, not subject to change, that will stay just as it is as long as eternity."

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Vepacitta
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Vepacitta » Sat Sep 25, 2010 1:00 pm

You could always set up a 'contest' like they did on Seinfeld ...
I'm your friendly, neighbourhood Asura

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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby manas » Sun Sep 26, 2010 10:41 am

Then the Blessed One, picking up a tiny bit of dust with the tip of his fingernail, said to the monk, "There isn't even this much form...feeling...
perception...fabrications...consciousness that is constant, lasting, eternal, not subject to change, that will stay just as it is as long as eternity."

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Dhammakid
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Dhammakid » Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:07 am

Oh wow, I am so glad to have come across this thread. It's exactly what I needed right now. Funny, enlightening and helpful.

I struggle with watching porn on a consistent basis. I'm not totally sure I'm "addicted" to it, although many times I believed I was. But regardless, I've tried SO many times to quit, which just goes to show the sheer stranglehold lust and sex can have on the mind.

So, using the recommendations posted here, I will try my best to abstain from porn and masturbation.

That being said, I will say I'm among the lot who doesn't necessarily have a problem with porn and masturbation in and of itself. I do believe porn has good uses such as being helpful for couples and providing an avenue for people to express themselves if they so choose to in that way.

But knowing what I know of the harm the sex industry can have on the women involved, I would also say I would rather not continue indulging. Being Buddhist gives me even more reason not to.

Plus, I'm being totally dishonest when I watch it. I live with my parents and they have a no-porn policy on their computers. So I have to be sneaky when I watch it. I'm done with being dishonest. And I just feel bad when I do it.

I don't want to be a slave to porn, and I feel I will be if I run away from it, so to speak. Instead of setting my computer so that I can't watch porn, I would like to train my mind to effectively deal with arousal and the urge to masturbate so that I can overcome the urge without necessarily having to run away from it. That way, when I'm home alone and have the computer to myself, and I get the urge, I can be confident that I can overcome it without having to do anything to the computer. This will be helpful for when I get my personal laptop working again...

:anjali:
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Guy
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby Guy » Mon Sep 27, 2010 5:51 am

Four types of letting go:

1) Giving; expecting nothing back in return
2) Throwing things away
3) Contentment; wanting to be here, not wanting to be anywhere else
4) "Teflon Mind"; having a mind which doesn't accumulate things

- Ajahn Brahm

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BubbaBuddhist
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby BubbaBuddhist » Mon Sep 27, 2010 3:43 pm

I wonder if the persons having trouble quitting are truly addicted -- as drug addicts and alcoholics are addicted -- or just having problems avoiding the allure? True sex addiction is very rare. We tend to use this term "addiction" quite freely when what we really mean is "i like it very much." I have a friend who says he's "addicted" to Oreo cookies. C'mon, I like them too but last time I checked the ingredients, heroin wasn't listed. :P

My point being if true addiction issues are involved--seek professional counseling. That's what it's there for. If it's just a bad habit: man up and stop doing it. When you see you're about to give in, go for a walk and think about something else. Take down the Sutta Pitaka, go to the park and read for a while. Get out of the house and away from the computer. Nobody else can force you to do the right thing once you get past a certain age; we have to take responsibility for our own actions. Habits take time to reinforce, both good and bad. Porn is just ridiculous. Who cares about looking at nekkid people anyway? :toilet: :lol: Good luck.

J
Author of Redneck Buddhism: or Will You Reincarnate as Your Own Cousin?

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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Postby bodom » Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:29 pm

To study is to know the texts,
To practice is to know your defilements,
To attain the goal is to know and let go.

- Ajahn Lee Dhammadharo


With mindfulness immersed in the body
well established, restrained
with regard to the six media of contact,
always centered, the monk
can know Unbinding for himself.

- Ud 3.5


https://www.dhammatalks.org/index.html
http://www.ajahnchah.org/


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