I am determined to abstain from pornography

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
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Aloka
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Aloka »

manasikara wrote:
PS, someone said that if it's a problem, 'just don't do it!' Respectfully, that's like telling an alcoholic or a smoker 'well just stop' and expecting that it's just that simple. You have to have been addicted to something on a chemical level to know how tough the process of freeing yourself is. At the moment of orgasm, dopamine and other neurochemicals get released in the brain, and an orgasm junkie is actually hooked on those chemicals, more than the physical sensation of about ten seconds duration. It's chemical, that's why its as tough as alcohol or smokes to give up.

I think that was me. I said ''Just don't watch it.''

With respect, one can give all manner of things up if one wants too strongly enough. I gave up smoking since I was 14, immediately, at the point I decided 'OK,thats it now. " I also gave up recreational drugs years ago in the same way.

I gave up having another boyfriend and sex (which I enjoyed) - just like that too - because I wanted to focus exclusively on Dhamma study and meditation in non-working hours.

You have to be determined ...and then just let the "addiction" go, with ease and relaxed optimism. :)

So, no, it doesn't have to be tough, it can be easy. It's dependent on one's mental attitude. No need to get mentally obsessed and attached...just meditate.

You have to make up your mind to stop watching the porn and replace that time with something non-sexual , instead of finding excuses to keep watching it.

The porn industry is known to be rife with crime and drugs and the sex they film is completely loveless and staged.

If its become a medical problem for you, then why not seek help from the medical profession ?

Anyway, hope you can find a solution and sending good wishes.
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nyanasuci
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by nyanasuci »

Even Pope Benedict XVI did give a recent comment on pornography:
Drugs, money, sex, pornography, alcohol ... these things are destructive and divisive.
(http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11333448" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;)

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I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

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Assaji
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Assaji »

Hello,

These problems can be overcome with the help of proper tools.

The key resource needed to deal with any addiction is the time and space to reflect. In the case of porn, time and space between the thought and porn website.

Such a distance is provided by parental control services. I've found very useful the service http://www.opendns.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;. It can block a range of websites, according to selected settings, including also those websites which can compromise computer security.

Another viable option is http://www1.k9webprotection.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
(see the comparison at: http://www.techsupportalert.com/best-fr ... Filter.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; )

These services give you some time, and the rest is up to you.

Good luck!
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Moth
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Moth »

The moment of lust--a sudden shift of consciousness where we suddenly feel overwhelmed and out of our own control. In this state of mind it is quite easy to make illogical mistakes, which I have often done. The real skill is experiencing this state of arousal and simply not acting upon it, watching it arise and watching it fade. However if we identify with it, if we make it a condition of "our self" then we are likely to fall victim to it. Do not despise it, do not venerate it, simple be impassive towards it.
Last edited by Moth on Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by manas »

Monkey Mind wrote:
manasikara wrote:Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world'
Why not? That is not meant as a criticism, but only to convey that I did broach this topic with monks. The guidance I received was very inspirational.
:anjali:
About that, I just meant that 'I would feel either 1.too embarrassed to mention it, or 2.would be concerned that I was 'stressing them out' with problems of lay life that they probably don't wish to have to recall or deal with (such as when married people ask for marital advice, which I would definitely not do - I would ask a skilled layperson instead, and leave the monks in peace!) For my part, I also meant absolutely no criticism of you at all, I was just referring to my own reticence in approaching monks these days.

I might add one thing though: When I first encountered Buddhism 20 years ago, completely and utterly green, I had several monks, some quite learned, show much compassion to me, allowing me to ask all kinds of questions (some of them quite silly) and patiently trying to guide me in the right direction. The irony is that now, those monks being now gone elsewhere (that's life), I am quite isolated in terms of Buddhist association (other than online forums such as this). I am not a very easy person to like or get to know, it seems. So my not visiting monks is so as to not disturb them.

metta. :anjali:
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Monkey Mind
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Monkey Mind »

I was afraid that if I asked the monks questions about drinking alcohol, masturbation, and pornography, my questions would trigger a relapse in sensual desire. What if I show a monk my new iphone, and he suddenly disrobes in pursuit of the latest gadgets! I discovered that their resolve was amazing! Who better to learn from when trying to control my desires. Besides, it seems that Buddha wanted the monks to be available to the laity.
"As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I."
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.

Sutta Nipāta 3.710
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

Dmytro wrote:Hello,

These problems can be overcome with the help of proper tools.

The key resource needed to deal with any addiction is the time and space to reflect. In the case of porn, time and space between the thought and porn website.

Such a distance is provided by parental control services. I've found very useful the service http://www.opendns.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;. It can block a range of websites, according to selected settings, including also those websites which can compromise computer security.

Another viable option is http://www1.k9webprotection.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
(see the comparison at: http://www.techsupportalert.com/best-fr ... Filter.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; )

These services give you some time, and the rest is up to you.

Good luck!
Sadhu! Thanks Dmytro, I'm going to give opendns a try. I've used k9 in the past and although it's somewhat effective it did block some sites that I needed to use for work. Metta.
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
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tiltbillings
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by tiltbillings »

I wrote this reply to a msg was deleted by the time I got around to posting it. Of course, the name has been withheld:
XXX wrote:. . .

"meditation beats masturbation"
"don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love"

But rather than get into contest with your lust, maybe try simply watching it, being with it, simply attending to the feeing of it without comment, without wanting it to stay or to go away. And it is at the moment when it stops that meditation "beats" masturbation. (There are way too many opportunities here for puns; I must behave myself.)
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by manas »

tiltbillings wrote:...it is at the moment when it stops that meditation "beats" masturbation. (There are way too many opportunities here for puns; I must behave myself.)
*chuckle* Yes, we need to stop; give our mind a good 'whack'; then get up, and put our hands to good use instead (performing wholesome kammas). ;)
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Vepacitta
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Vepacitta »

You could always set up a 'contest' like they did on Seinfeld ...
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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by manas »

Vepacitta wrote:You could always set up a 'contest' like they did on Seinfeld ...
LOL I just searched and found it on youtube...yep we could have a special forum where people can register the number of days they have totally abstained from p#rn and/or m#sturbation, with all the participants donating $10 via paypal into a prize pool. Whoever makes it to six months of total abstinence gets to keep the lot.
To the Buddha-refuge i go; to the Dhamma-refuge i go; to the Sangha-refuge i go.
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Dhammakid
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Dhammakid »

Oh wow, I am so glad to have come across this thread. It's exactly what I needed right now. Funny, enlightening and helpful.

I struggle with watching porn on a consistent basis. I'm not totally sure I'm "addicted" to it, although many times I believed I was. But regardless, I've tried SO many times to quit, which just goes to show the sheer stranglehold lust and sex can have on the mind.

So, using the recommendations posted here, I will try my best to abstain from porn and masturbation.

That being said, I will say I'm among the lot who doesn't necessarily have a problem with porn and masturbation in and of itself. I do believe porn has good uses such as being helpful for couples and providing an avenue for people to express themselves if they so choose to in that way.

But knowing what I know of the harm the sex industry can have on the women involved, I would also say I would rather not continue indulging. Being Buddhist gives me even more reason not to.

Plus, I'm being totally dishonest when I watch it. I live with my parents and they have a no-porn policy on their computers. So I have to be sneaky when I watch it. I'm done with being dishonest. And I just feel bad when I do it.

I don't want to be a slave to porn, and I feel I will be if I run away from it, so to speak. Instead of setting my computer so that I can't watch porn, I would like to train my mind to effectively deal with arousal and the urge to masturbate so that I can overcome the urge without necessarily having to run away from it. That way, when I'm home alone and have the computer to myself, and I get the urge, I can be confident that I can overcome it without having to do anything to the computer. This will be helpful for when I get my personal laptop working again...

:anjali:
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Guy
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Guy »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6hUgfG2PvY" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Four types of letting go:

1) Giving; expecting nothing back in return
2) Throwing things away
3) Contentment; wanting to be here, not wanting to be anywhere else
4) "Teflon Mind"; having a mind which doesn't accumulate things

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BubbaBuddhist
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by BubbaBuddhist »

I wonder if the persons having trouble quitting are truly addicted -- as drug addicts and alcoholics are addicted -- or just having problems avoiding the allure? True sex addiction is very rare. We tend to use this term "addiction" quite freely when what we really mean is "i like it very much." I have a friend who says he's "addicted" to Oreo cookies. C'mon, I like them too but last time I checked the ingredients, heroin wasn't listed. :P

My point being if true addiction issues are involved--seek professional counseling. That's what it's there for. If it's just a bad habit: man up and stop doing it. When you see you're about to give in, go for a walk and think about something else. Take down the Sutta Pitaka, go to the park and read for a while. Get out of the house and away from the computer. Nobody else can force you to do the right thing once you get past a certain age; we have to take responsibility for our own actions. Habits take time to reinforce, both good and bad. Porn is just ridiculous. Who cares about looking at nekkid people anyway? :toilet: :lol: Good luck.

J
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bodom
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by bodom »

I wonder if the persons having trouble quitting are truly addicted -- as drug addicts and alcoholics are addicted -- or just having problems avoiding the allure? True sex addiction is very rare. We tend to use this term "addiction" quite freely when what we really mean is "i like it very much."
Hard to tell as addiction is a self diagnosed disease.
Porn is just ridiculous. Who cares about looking at nekkid people anyway?


Apparently lots of people care as porn is a multi billion dollar industry.
There is no one sight, sound, smell, taste and touch other than that of a woman which can captivate and distract the mind of a man; conversely there is no one sight, sound, smell, taste ,and touch other then that of a man which can captivate and distract the mind of a woman. - AN 1.10
:anjali:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

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