For years now I've been thinking about going forth and ordaining. I've already renounced most of my possessions; my lifestyle is very simple and clutter free. And I don't see myself having a problem giving up everything else, like my computer, my iPod, or my hair. I don't have a girlfriend, kids, or a big social life. I don't fit in most social circles because I don't like partaking in idle chatter or reckless behavior. I was this way even before I started calling myself a "Buddhist."
But the one thing that stops me from completely letting go is fear...
- I fear that I may miss my parents.
- I fear that I may lose the handful of friends that I have.
- I fear that I may miss out on career opportunities (even though they'll likely only lead to more dukkha and frustration)
- And I especially fear the future.
A side of me really wishes I could get over this hindrance because I know being free of it would lead to a greater happiness, and I could be more productive, and help spread the Dhamma and Metta to others. But I don't know...
What are your thoughts?