Forgive me if this is in the wrong forum.
I have meditated for the last 18 months, possibly more toward the two year mark. I've read a few books, and lately, my time on the cushion has increased to 45 minutes every morning. I've read about vipassana nurturing real 'insight' and I've read about other various benefits. But I realised I didn't really understand how
paying attention to the present reality works. How, the whole vipassana meditation way of things can help me out. I know about Dukkah, Annata and Annica (forgive my spelling), and although I do not dwell on their meaning (which I think is a big mistake of mine. I.e. I don't really ponder what it is they are telling me), I do understand 'basically' what they teach. I think I have to go beyond the superficial 'Nothing lasts', 'Nothing grants eternal happiness', and 'Nothing can be owned or controlled', and really think deeply about them.
Two of the main reasons for my studying/practising vipassana is to [a] Relax and more importantly [b] to rid my terror of dying (that there is a long story cut short).
So it is my hope that studying/practising vipassana will eventually clear out my negative thinking and set me free from the burden of worrying about dying. Death
does not worry me, but dying
, letting go, 'the loss of control' (even though I was taught we never really had any control), all that terrifies me. If I get a chest pain, or a head pain, or whatever, I try to observe it intently, to almost drown myself in it. So much so that I get lost in it to such an extent that I really have no time to ponder its possible meaning, of what it may entail.
So Vipassana, real insight, is this going to help me overcome not just my terror of dying, but of all terrors?