What's happening to me. Help please!

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BlueLotus
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What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by BlueLotus »

I went to my first meditation retreat. After 2 days, I started experiencing all kinds of drama.

1. Uncontrollable bodily pains. My whole body is in pain. When I stop, after 2 days, it goes back to normal. I start meditating again, and the pains return. It feels as if my whole body is a wound.

2. External disturbances:

[*] A crow tried to sit on my head while I was in walking meditation. TWICE! They target me out of about 30 others in the same area peacefully walking.

[*] I went to another area, one building away. What happens? A bee almost stung my eye while I was walking. It came directly at me.

[*] Then the next day, a guy threw a fit over me parking just an inch over the line. Called me names. It was so bad I couldn't settled my mind for the whole day. Nobody has ever spoken to me like that before. I was shocked. Best part is, he asked "are you sure you still want to meditate after this?" It's as if he was asking me to stop. He came out of nowhere. He wasn't a meditator or anyone attending to the monks or other monastery duties. The guy has... vanished.

It's as if all hell has broken loose. Can someone please explain WTF is going on?

I want to tell this to my meditation master, but I don't want him to give me the common answer "your life was like this even before. It's just that now you are meditating, you have learnt to notice things more." No, birds and bees and as****es didn't attack me like this before.
:computerproblem: And don't tell me about this guy Mara.
pegembara
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by pegembara »

It's as if all hell has broken loose. Can someone please explain WTF is going on?
What is going on internally affects what goes on externally and vice versa in a feedback loop.
The only thing you can 'control' is what goes on inside.
"For a person endowed with virtue, consummate in virtue, there is no need for an act of will, 'May freedom from remorse arise in me.' It is in the nature of things that freedom from remorse arises in a person endowed with virtue, consummate in virtue.

"For a person free from remorse, there is no need for an act of will, 'May joy arise in me.' It is in the nature of things that joy arises in a person free from remorse.

"For a joyful person, there is no need for an act of will, 'May rapture arise in me.' It is in the nature of things that rapture arises in a joyful person.

"For a rapturous person, there is no need for an act of will, 'May my body be serene.' It is in the nature of things that a rapturous person grows serene in body.

"For a person serene in body, there is no need for an act of will, 'May I experience pleasure.' It is in the nature of things that a person serene in body experiences pleasure.

"For a person experiencing pleasure, there is no need for an act of will, 'May my mind grow concentrated.' It is in the nature of things that the mind of a person experiencing pleasure grows concentrated.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.
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BlueLotus
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by BlueLotus »

pegembara wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:13 am What is going on internally affects what goes on externally and vice versa in a feedback loop.
The only thing you can 'control' is what goes on inside.
Thanks. You know, in a strange way, I felt I was creating this reality. :(
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BlueLotus
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by BlueLotus »

Do you have an idea, what might be inside me that might cause all this turmoil? Could it be that I have an internal belief that I am not worthy of peace? How can I identify?
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JamesTheGiant
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by JamesTheGiant »

Maybe it's just coincidence. Bird and bee-sting and an angry person doesn't sound too unusual.

But the pain thing is a mental reaction directly related to meditation. It's quite a common reaction when people go on retreat. It settles down and goes away eventually.
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JamesTheGiant
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by JamesTheGiant »

BlueLotus wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:17 am Do you have an idea, what might be inside me that might cause all this turmoil? Could it be that I have an internal belief that I am not worthy of peace? How can I identify?
That's something nobody can possibly know except yourself. And possibly not even yourself.
thepea
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by thepea »

Your life was like this before, but now your meditating.
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BlueLotus
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by BlueLotus »

thepea wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:05 am Your life was like this before, but now your meditating.
Oh stop it! :rolleye:
thepea
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by thepea »

BlueLotus wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 2:35 pm
thepea wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:05 am Your life was like this before, but now your meditating.
Oh stop it! :rolleye:
Couldn’t help myself, I have many lifetimes still to go. :hug:
dharmacorps
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by dharmacorps »

I am sorry you have these difficulties. I think its important to see your meditation teacher about this. Bees will sting, birds will swoop, people will be jerks, but the body pain may be the thing you have some freedom around in meditation.
paul
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by paul »

The birds and the bees is an idiomatic phrase in English which alludes to relationships, and all of samsara is composed of cycles, while nibbana is without cycles, without birth or death, unchanging. So while it is mundane right view to ask questions about what the cause and effect relationship is between cyclic events in life, an even better question is “Why I am I worried about and reacting to these things?” Ultimately it is better for the practitioner to detach themselves from external events and focus internally on the sensations in the body leading to the arising of rapture. Having a better understanding of samsaric cycles only succeeds in developing street-smartness, it doesn’t lead to nibbana.
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BlueLotus
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by BlueLotus »

thepea wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:28 pm
BlueLotus wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 2:35 pm
thepea wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:05 am Your life was like this before, but now your meditating.
Oh stop it! :rolleye:
Couldn’t help myself, I have many lifetimes still to go. :hug:
:toast: :hug: :heart:
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BlueLotus
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by BlueLotus »

It happened again. A crow dropped a dead branch right into me, it missed my head by inches. I spoke to my teacher. He said literally the following:

"Well, you had all these bodily pains before, but now that your mindfulness is set on the body (I'm practicing vipassana), you notice these more often."
:computerproblem:

He asked me to simply just ignore the other external issues. This is what he said

"There is no reason whatsoever why anything in your life should change because you are meditating. It's not like you can even set your mindfulness on the body straight for 2 minutes. So, even if there is a force like Mara trying to prevent you from the path, you won't be in his radar yet. So off you go, silly man!"

Then he burst out laughing and that was that. Sigh! :jumping:
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Sam Vara
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by Sam Vara »

BlueLotus wrote: Thu Dec 13, 2018 1:37 pm It happened again. A crow dropped a dead branch right into me, it missed my head by inches.
Notoriously impudent creatures, crows...
Easy is life for the shameless one who is impudent as a crow, is backbiting and forward, arrogant and corrupt
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .budd.html
dharmacorps
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Re: What's happening to me. Help please!

Post by dharmacorps »

Crows are fascinating creatures. They can be very playful and naughty. The crow may be trying to tell you not to take yourself or meditation so seriously. Take the crow as your ajahn :)
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