What can I do to help my father. (Oral cancer)

[JC938]

Hi,

My father has oral cancer stage 4 and just found out about 1 month ago. Before that the doctor just gave my father pain killers, they didnt care because it was free service and my father use to live alone so it wasnt until my brother took him to good paid hospital that we found out.

Alright, so any advice regarding food or supplements is appreciated. But I want advice regarding spirituality. How can I help him so that when he dies one day, he will go to good place. One day we all gonna die and right now he is in pain, few min ago he cry out in pain.

So what can I tell him. We plan to take him to stay in monastery after his big surgery, but right now he cant travel.

The thing is Im very novice when it comes to practicing dhamma. Im not that wise, my mind is kinda worldly these days, unlike few months or years ago when I use to be more spiritual.

And I just dont know how to help. 2 years ago my dog died and all I could do was to open some dhamma music near his dead body. Right now, my father is near me but I just dont know what I can talk with him. My mind nowadays is always thinking about business and stress of no money.

I just want him to be in good luck and happy always. Helping him to reach nibbana is not in my capability. But i want him to be in good places. Also to help him ease his pain nowadays

Thanks for your advice.

[confusedlayman]

Hi,

My father has oral cancer stage 4 and just found out about 1 month ago. Before that the doctor just gave my father pain killers, they didnt care because it was free service and my father use to live alone so it wasnt until my brother took him to good paid hospital that we found out.

Alright, so any advice regarding food or supplements is appreciated. But I want advice regarding spirituality. How can I help him so that when he dies one day, he will go to good place. One day we all gonna die and right now he is in pain, few min ago he cry out in pain.

So what can I tell him. We plan to take him to stay in monastery after his big surgery, but right now he cant travel.

The thing is Im very novice when it comes to practicing dhamma. Im not that wise, my mind is kinda worldly these days, unlike few months or years ago when I use to be more spiritual.

And I just dont know how to help. 2 years ago my dog died and all I could do was to open some dhamma music near his dead body. Right now, my father is near me but I just dont know what I can talk with him. My mind nowadays is always thinking about business and stress of no money.

I just want him to be in good luck and happy always. Helping him to reach nibbana is not in my capability. But i want him to be in good places. Also to help him ease his pain nowadays

Thanks for your advice.

metta is immediate solution .. taking refuge and doing good to monestryy or buddha community and rejoicing should be done. he can give alms food to nearby monastery whenever he can. he should be start focusing mind on recollection of gods and their virtue

[lostitude]

I think you should focus on easing his pain. His future destinations do not depend on you, and out of compassion for him you might run the risk of forcing unsollicited spiritual views on him and increasing his suffering instead of alleviating it.
At your level maybe it’s an opportunity to realize that absolutely everyone is engaged in a more or less slow process of dying, including yourself. Everyone around you is dying, but you’re focused on your father dying simply because it looks more certain and imminent. This is a false assumption. You and other people could die within the next 3 hours. You only have a sense of urgency about your father because suddenly death appears to you as something established and documented. Yet it had always been real, but you are only reacting now. Your death is just a certain as your father’s, so you should take care of yourself too before it’s too late.

[Inedible]

It is too late to overhaul his belief system. Try asking him what he needs and what he believes would help him the most. He probably knows he doesn't have a lot of time and he may or may not want to acknowledge that. Some people in his position get annoyed when everyone insists that everything is going to be okay.

[Bundokji]

I am sorry to hear about the suffering of your father and the stress you are going through. It is difficult to advice someone we do not know what to do under these circumstances, but as you asked for it, avoid being spiritual for the time being and try to simply be a good son. Attend to his physical needs whenever necessary even if you have at some stage to help him to go to the bathroom without ever imposing yourself. Be available to listen when he wants to talk without being disagreeable. Be compassionate without showing pity, and if others in the family begin making drama, remain equanimous. Avoid sharing your views about afterlife and be human.

[coconut]

Health wise: avoid sugars and carbs as most cancers feed on them, and even the ones that can feed on fat are weakened by reducing carbs, and second: get good sleep as the body can only make immune regulating hormones during sleep like beta endorphins. Reducing sugar and caffeine improves sleep. Of course continue listening to doctors and have surgery, etc..

Dhamma wise: The only thing you can do is stir up faith for the Buddha and the triple gem. The best way to do this is by giving them the Dhammapada. I personally find the audio recording of Thomas Byrom's translation voiced by Jacob Needleman to be the most inspirational. If that doesn't stir up faith and inspiration for the dhamma, then I don't think anything else will. This is the cassette but try to find an mp3 Link: https://www.amazon.com/Sayings-Buddha-D ... 0944993834

[santa100]

I just want him to be in good luck and happy always. Helping him to reach nibbana is not in my capability. But i want him to be in good places. Also to help him ease his pain nowadays.

Sorry to hear about your father's situation. In terms of managing physical pains, you should consult and discuss thoroughly with his doctors regarding medications, diets, exercises regime, and implement them as prescribed. Regarding spiritual assistance, it depends on howmuch exposure your father already had to religion, like is he strongly against it when someone start talking? or does he listen? or at least paying some attention? etc... If it's the latter, you guys can always start reading the suttas together, a good one is MN 143 - Advice to Anathapindika; if it's the former, then you could only try to cultivate the Path yourself and pray to dedicate the merit toward your father. Also try to make him attaining peace of mind by only thinking about all the good deeds he has done in his life. Lastly, try to advice family members to live in harmony and treat one another with kindness for if the surrounding environment is peaceful, the dying will also be at peace when their time comes.

[lostitude]

Health wise: avoid sugars and carbs as most cancers feed on them, and even the ones that can feed on fat are weakened by reducing carbs, and second: get good sleep as the body can only make immune regulating hormones during sleep like beta endorphins. Reducing sugar and caffeine improves sleep. Of course continue listening to doctors and have surgery, etc..

This is not adequate health advice.
The idea that cancer cells "feed" on sugar more than other cells comes from a hoax rebutted by the very institute this hoax was first attributed to, see here: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/kimmel_ ... _hoax.html

Besides, it is poor advice to impose dietary restrictions to a terminally-ill patient when chances of recovery are non-existent. On the contrary, it is usually recommended to ease up on restrictions and allow for comfort food, to make up for the frustration induced by the illness and its treatment.

Please @OP do NOT take health advice from the internet.

[coconut]

Health wise: avoid sugars and carbs as most cancers feed on them, and even the ones that can feed on fat are weakened by reducing carbs, and second: get good sleep as the body can only make immune regulating hormones during sleep like beta endorphins. Reducing sugar and caffeine improves sleep. Of course continue listening to doctors and have surgery, etc..

This is not adequate health advice.
The idea that cancer cells "feed" on sugar more than other cells comes from a hoax rebutted by the very institute this hoax was first attributed to, see here: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/kimmel_ ... _hoax.html

Besides, it is poor advice to impose dietary restrictions to a terminally-ill patient when chances of recovery are non-existent. On the contrary, it is usually recommended to ease up a bit on restrictions to make up for the frustration induced by the illness and its treatment.

Please @OP do NOT take health advice from the internet.

It's not a hoax, it's science. Cancer uses glucose and ketones for metabolism.

- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3873478/
- https://books.google.com/books/about/Ca ... &q&f=false

Also he didn't say his father is terminally ill.Typically if one is terminally ill then they would be in pallative care, and OP asked for advice regarding food. Insulin and glucose has been well documented by scientists as a factor for chronic illnesses - http://drrosedale.com/blog/2013/04/02/i ... rt-1-of-2/

Look up Andrew Scarborough who reversed his brain cancer with a ketogenic diet, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, deutrium free water, and a few other things. Like I said, this won't work with ALL cancers though. https://www.braintumourresearch.org/sto ... carborough

[lostitude]

It's not a hoax, it's science. Cancer uses glucose and ketones for metabolism.

Every single cell in the human body uses glucose for metabolism. This has absolutely nothing to do with going on a low-carb diet. And sourcing this one review by a sole author, a certain Mrs Collier, doesn’t prove or disprove anything whatsoever. Especially when she writes that "In one strategy, patients eat low-carbohydrate diets, thus starving their tumors of glucose, and it was shown to be promising in a recent pilot study.", which is a preposterous claim. If it were possible to selectively limit cancer cell metabolism then this would be an interesting lead, but so far no one has managed to do this. And you can’t starve your cancer cells without starving your healthy cells in the process.


Again I hope the OP limits his sources of advice to medical professionals he knows IRL.

Insulin and glucose has been well documented by scientists as a factor for chronic illnesses - http://drrosedale.com/blog/2013/04/02/i ... rt-1-of-2/

Keto propaganda, welcome to the world of quackery. See here https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/the-ro ... -go-again/
Ron Rosedale is notorious for his completely unscientific fad diet. Insulin and glucose are made by the human body, they will be flowing in your system no matter what you eat or don’t eat. There is no way to get rid of them. Even on a low-carb diet.

Now in contrast, this is what reputable sources say:

Myth: People who have cancer shouldn't eat sugar, since it can cause cancer to grow faster.

Fact: More research is needed to understand the relationship between sugar in the diet and cancer. All kinds of cells, including cancer cells, depend on blood sugar (glucose) for energy. But giving more sugar to cancer cells doesn't make them grow faster. Likewise, depriving cancer cells of sugar doesn't make them grow more slowly.

This misconception may be based in part on a misunderstanding of positron emission tomography (PET) scans, which use a small amount of radioactive tracer — typically a form of glucose. All tissues in your body absorb some of this tracer, but tissues that are using more energy — including cancer cells — absorb greater amounts. For this reason, some people have concluded that cancer cells grow faster on sugar. But this isn't true.

There is some evidence that consuming large amounts of sugar is associated with an increased risk of certain cancers, including esophageal cancer. Eating too much sugar can also lead to weight gain and increase the risk of obesity and diabetes, which may increase the risk of cancer.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-con ... t-20044714

Search for sugar and cancer on the internet and it doesn’t take long to find alarming warnings that sugar is the “white death” and “cancer’s favourite food”. But this idea that sugar is responsible for kick-starting or fuelling a cancer’s growth is an over-simplification of some complicated biology. Let’s start with what sugar actually is. (...) Here’s where the myth that sugar fuels cancer was born: if cancer cells need lots of glucose, then cutting sugar out of our diet must help stop cancer growing, and could even stop it developing in the first place. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. All our healthy cells need glucose too, and there’s no way of telling our bodies to let healthy cells have the glucose they need, but not give it to cancer cells.

There’s no evidence that following a “sugar-free” diet lowers the risk of getting cancer, or boosts the chances of surviving if you are diagnosed.

https://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.or ... d-to-know/

[Coëmgenu]

you can’t starve your cancer cells without starving your healthy cells in the process

That's why chemotherapy is so unpleasant.

[Inedible]

Medical marijuana is not unpleasant. It also slows cancer cell division.

But I still say ask how you can help. Ask him, not us.

[dharmacorps]

Besides, it is poor advice to impose dietary restrictions to a terminally-ill patient when chances of recovery are non-existent. On the contrary, it is usually recommended to ease up on restrictions and allow for comfort food, to make up for the frustration induced by the illness and its treatment.

Please @OP do NOT take health advice from the internet.

Seconded heartily. Bad advice, even reckless "health" or "diet" advice is rampant regarding this on this site. Do yourself a favor and don't listen or ask for advice on these subjects online.

Regarding dhamma: Focus on compassion and kindness. Say anything true honest and timely to the dying person which may alleviate their regret.

[coconut]

It's not a hoax, it's science. Cancer uses glucose and ketones for metabolism.

Every single cell in the human body uses glucose for metabolism. This has absolutely nothing to do with going on a low-carb diet. And sourcing this one review by a sole author, a certain Mrs Collier, doesn’t prove or disprove anything whatsoever. Especially when she writes that "In one strategy, patients eat low-carbohydrate diets, thus starving their tumors of glucose, and it was shown to be promising in a recent pilot study.", which is a preposterous claim. If it were possible to selectively limit cancer cell metabolism then this would be an interesting lead, but so far no one has managed to do this. And you can’t starve your cancer cells without starving your healthy cells in the process.


Again I hope the OP limits his sources of advice to medical professionals he knows IRL.

Insulin and glucose has been well documented by scientists as a factor for chronic illnesses - http://drrosedale.com/blog/2013/04/02/i ... rt-1-of-2/

Keto propaganda, welcome to the world of quackery. See here https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/the-ro ... -go-again/
Ron Rosedale is notorious for his completely unscientific fad diet. Insulin and glucose are made by the human body, they will be flowing in your system no matter what you eat or don’t eat. There is no way to get rid of them. Even on a low-carb diet.

Now in contrast, this is what reputable sources say:

Myth: People who have cancer shouldn't eat sugar, since it can cause cancer to grow faster.

Fact: More research is needed to understand the relationship between sugar in the diet and cancer. All kinds of cells, including cancer cells, depend on blood sugar (glucose) for energy. But giving more sugar to cancer cells doesn't make them grow faster. Likewise, depriving cancer cells of sugar doesn't make them grow more slowly.

This misconception may be based in part on a misunderstanding of positron emission tomography (PET) scans, which use a small amount of radioactive tracer — typically a form of glucose. All tissues in your body absorb some of this tracer, but tissues that are using more energy — including cancer cells — absorb greater amounts. For this reason, some people have concluded that cancer cells grow faster on sugar. But this isn't true.

There is some evidence that consuming large amounts of sugar is associated with an increased risk of certain cancers, including esophageal cancer. Eating too much sugar can also lead to weight gain and increase the risk of obesity and diabetes, which may increase the risk of cancer.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-con ... t-20044714

Search for sugar and cancer on the internet and it doesn’t take long to find alarming warnings that sugar is the “white death” and “cancer’s favourite food”. But this idea that sugar is responsible for kick-starting or fuelling a cancer’s growth is an over-simplification of some complicated biology. Let’s start with what sugar actually is. (...) Here’s where the myth that sugar fuels cancer was born: if cancer cells need lots of glucose, then cutting sugar out of our diet must help stop cancer growing, and could even stop it developing in the first place. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. All our healthy cells need glucose too, and there’s no way of telling our bodies to let healthy cells have the glucose they need, but not give it to cancer cells.

There’s no evidence that following a “sugar-free” diet lowers the risk of getting cancer, or boosts the chances of surviving if you are diagnosed.

https://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.or ... d-to-know/

There is plenty of evidence, and there's plenty of medical doctors and scientists who have evidence, just look at the link I posted about Andrew Scarborough.

Also I told him that he should do this in conjunction with what the doctors say. One can do both diet improvements and take medicine, the two are not mutually exclusive. There's many doctors who do both metabolic treatment alongside medical treatment. There's no issue when attacking cancer from all directions.

Despite what you think, there is a huge field of research in metabolic treatments for cancer, and it's an emerging field whether you like to believe or not, and people have improved their recovery results combined with traditional treatments. Some people have nothing to lose anyway, like Andrew Scarborough, they told him he's going to die no matter what, turns out he didn't and his ketogenic diet drastically reduced and reversed the tumour growth.

OP can decide for themselves, and you can debate until you're blue in the face, but I couldn't care less, the evidence is out there, he can research it if he wants to.

Research for metabolic therapy is even being funded by the NHS https://www.braintumourresearch.org/res ... ege-london

[User1249x]

I have some suggestions;
- Occasionally read from the Sutta Pitaka for him.
- Occasionally discuss sobering topics like death, whether there are consequences of actions to be experienced after death, whether one believes that something is true or believes that it is not true or believes that maybe it is & maybe it isn't true, etc etc
- Occasionally give an inspiring speech of some sort to gladden his mind and rouse effort (this is like guided meditation on an inspiring theme, ie the Buddha)
- Occasionally help him recollect his own virtue and direct attention to themes of appreciation and if you can metta.
- Occasionally do guided meditation; try teach him basic preliminary anapanasati or the basics of what Yuttadhammo teaches.

Ideally one would direct the conversation to some wholesome theme as much as possible.

There are quite a few Sutta dealing with similar circumstances in the texts;

"A sick person endowed with five qualities is hard to tend to: he does what is not amenable to his cure; he does not know the proper amount in things amenable to his cure; he does not take his medicine; he does not tell his symptoms, as they actually are present, to the nurse desiring his welfare, saying that they are worse when they are worse, improving when they are improving, or remaining the same when they are remaining the same; and he is not the type who can endure bodily feelings that are painful, fierce, sharp, wracking, repellent, disagreeable, life-threatening. A sick person endowed with these five qualities is hard to tend to.

"A sick person endowed with five qualities is easy to tend to: he does what is amenable to his cure; he knows the proper amount in things amenable to his cure; he takes his medicine; he tells his symptoms, as they actually are present, to the nurse desiring his welfare, saying that they are worse when they are worse, improving when they are improving, or remaining the same when they are remaining the same; and he is the type who can endure bodily feelings that are painful, fierce, sharp, wracking, repellent, disagreeable, life-threatening. A sick person endowed with these five qualities is easy to tend to.

"A nurse endowed with five qualities is not fit to tend to the sick: He is not competent at mixing medicine; he does not know what is amenable or unamenable to the patient's cure, bringing to the patient things that are unamenable and taking away things that are amenable; he is motivated by material gain, not by thoughts of good will; he gets disgusted at cleaning up excrement, urine, saliva, or vomit; and he is not competent at instructing, urging, rousing, & encouraging the sick person at the proper occasions with a talk on Dhamma. A nurse endowed with these five qualities is not fit to tend to the sick. https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html

Then Ven. Sariputta, having put on his robes and, taking his bowl & outer robe, went to the home of Anathapindika the householder with Ven. Ananda as his attendant. On arrival, he sat down on a prepared seat and said to Anathapindika the householder: "I trust you are getting better, householder? I trust you are comfortable? I trust that your pains are lessening and not increasing? I trust that there are signs of their lessening, and not of their increasing?"

[Anathapindika:] "I am not getting better, venerable sir. I am not comfortable. My severe pains are increasing, not lessening. There are signs of their increasing, and not of their lessening. Extreme forces slice through my head, just as if a strong man were slicing my head open with a sharp sword... Extreme pains have arisen in my head, just as if a strong man were tightening a turban on my head with a tough leather strap... Extreme forces carve up my stomach cavity, just as if an expert butcher or his apprentice were to carve up the stomach cavity of an ox with a sharp butcher's knife... There is an extreme burning in my body, just as if two strong men, seizing a weaker man with their arms, were to roast and broil him over a pit of hot embers. I am not getting better, venerable sir. I am not comfortable. My severe pains are increasing, not lessening. There are signs of their increasing, and not of their lessening."

[Ven. Sariputta:] "Then, householder, you should train yourself in this way: 'I won't cling to the eye; my consciousness will not be dependent on the eye.' That's how you should train yourself. 'I won't cling to the ear... nose... tongue... body; my consciousness will not be dependent on the body.' ... 'I won't cling to the intellect; my consciousness will not be dependent on the intellect.' That's how you should train yourself.

[...]

"Then, householder, you should train yourself in this way: 'I won't cling to what is seen, heard, sensed, cognized, attained, sought after, pondered by the intellect; my consciousness will not be dependent on that.' That's how you should train yourself."

When this was said, Anathapindika the householder wept and shed tears. Ven. Ananda said to him, "Are you sinking, householder? Are you foundering?"

"No, venerable sir. I'm not sinking, nor am I foundering. It's just that for a long time I have attended to the Teacher, and to the monks who inspire my heart, but never before have I heard a talk on the Dhamma like this."

"This sort of talk on the Dhamma, householder, is not given to lay people clad in white. This sort of talk on the Dhamma is given to those gone forth."

"In that case, Ven. Sariputta, please let this sort of talk on the Dhamma be given to lay people clad in white. There are clansmen with little dust in their eyes who are wasting away through not hearing [this] Dhamma. There will be those who will understand it."

Then Ven. Sariputta and Ven. Ananda, having given this instruction to Anathapindika the householder, got up from their seats and left. Then, not long after they left, Anathapindika the householder died and reappeared in the Tusita heaven. https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html

"What do you think, great king? Suppose a man, trustworthy and reliable, were to come to you from the east and on arrival would say: 'If it please your majesty, you should know that I come from the east. There I saw a great mountain, as high as the clouds, coming this way, crushing all living beings [in its path]. Do whatever you think should be done.' Then a second man were to come to you from the west... Then a third man were to come to you from the north... Then a fourth man were to come to you from the south and on arrival would say: 'If it please your majesty, you should know that I come from the south. There I saw a great mountain, as high as the clouds, coming this way, crushing all living beings. Do whatever you think should be done.' If, great king, such a great peril should arise, such a terrible destruction of human life — the human state being so hard to obtain — what should be done?"

"If, lord, such a great peril should arise, such a terrible destruction of human life — the human state being so hard to obtain — what else should be done but Dhamma-conduct, right conduct, skillful deeds, meritorious deeds?"

"I inform you, great king, I announce to you, great king: aging and death are rolling in on you. When aging and death are rolling in on you, great king, what should be done?"

"As aging and death are rolling in on me, lord, what else should be done but Dhamma-conduct, right conduct, skillful deeds, meritorious deeds?

"There are, lord, elephant battles [fought by] head-anointed noble-warrior kings intoxicated with the intoxication of sovereignty, obsessed by greed for sensual pleasures, who have attained stable control in their country, and who rule having conquered a great sphere of territory on earth; but there is no use for those elephant battles, no scope for them, when aging and death are rolling in. There are cavalry battles... chariot battles... infantry battles... but there is no use for those infantry battles, no scope for them, when aging and death are rolling in. In this royal court there are counselors who, when the enemies arrive, are capable of dividing them by their wits; but there is no use for those battles of wits, no scope for them, when aging and death are rolling in. In this royal court there is abundant bullion and gold stored in vaults and depositories, and with such wealth we are capable of buying off enemies when they come; but there is no use for those battles of wealth, no scope for them, when aging and death are rolling in. As aging and death are rolling in on me, lord, what else should be done but Dhamma-conduct, right conduct, skillful deeds, meritorious deeds?"

"So it is, great king! So it is, great king! As aging and death are rolling in on you, what else should be done but Dhamma-conduct, right conduct, skillful deeds, meritorious deeds?"

That is what the Blessed One said. Having said that, the One Well-Gone, the Teacher, further said this:


Like massive boulders,
mountains pressing against the sky,
moving in from all sides,
crushing the four directions,
so aging and death
come rolling over living beings:
noble warriors, brahmans, merchants,
workers, outcastes, & scavengers.
They spare nothing.
They trample everything.

Here elephant troops can hold no ground,
nor can chariots or infantry,
nor can a battle of wits
or wealth win out.

So a wise person,
seeing his own good,
steadfast, secures confidence
in the Buddha, Dhamma, & Sangha.

One who practices the Dhamma
in thought, word, & deed,
receives praise here on earth
and after death rejoices in heaven.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html

He is very fortunate to have access still. You can also dedicate merit to him while he is alive by making a determination for the merit of your good actions to be shared with him. After death it won't be possible to do this lest he is in a particular possible place.