Do we need a friend in life?

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
JC938
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Do we need a friend in life?

Post by JC938 »

Hi,

I have no friend. And I sometimes feel like it's bad. Is it healthy to have no friend in life?

Thanks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0wVrqt0euc - This mantra will guide you to Nibbana. It means:
Lead me from unreal to real,
lead me from darkness to light,
lead me from death to immortality.

It's a prayer to God to guide and lead you to Nibbana.
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Samana_Johann
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by Samana_Johann »

Lead me from unreal to real,
lead me from darkness to light,
lead me from death to immortality.

It's a prayer to God to guide and lead you to Nibbana.
Neither invited nor member of the community here, but the here given as received: Dhamma-dana
coconut
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by coconut »

JC938 wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:49 pm Hi,

I have no friend. And I sometimes feel like it's bad. Is it healthy to have no friend in life?

Thanks.
Depends on the friend. Surely you wouldn't consider someone who wants to harm you a friend. Well, then you should befriend the dhamma and the study the suttas, for it wants to help you more than your own parents can help you. Study the suttas.
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Samana_Johann
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by Samana_Johann »

coconut wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:59 pm
JC938 wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:49 pm Hi,

I have no friend. And I sometimes feel like it's bad. Is it healthy to have no friend in life?

Thanks.
Depends on the friend. Surely you wouldn't consider someone who wants to harm you a friend. Well, then you should befriend the dhamma and the study the suttas, for it wants to help you more than your own parents can help you. Study the suttas.

Dhamma and Suttas have will, even bear giving and goodness? Would giving basic wrong view be harm for others, good householder?
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SteRo
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by SteRo »

JC938 wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:49 pm Hi,

I have no friend. And I sometimes feel like it's bad. Is it healthy to have no friend in life?

Thanks.
According to theravada doctrine only admirable friendship is "healthy", i.e. beneficial.
Exhaling अ and inhaling धीः amounts to བྷྲཱུཾ་བི་ཤྭ་བི་ཤུད་དྷེ It's definitely not science but science may provide guidelines nevertheless.
coconut
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by coconut »

Samana_Johann wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 2:04 pm
coconut wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:59 pm
JC938 wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:49 pm Hi,

I have no friend. And I sometimes feel like it's bad. Is it healthy to have no friend in life?

Thanks.
Depends on the friend. Surely you wouldn't consider someone who wants to harm you a friend. Well, then you should befriend the dhamma and the study the suttas, for it wants to help you more than your own parents can help you. Study the suttas.

Dhamma and Suttas have will, even bear giving and goodness? Would giving basic wrong view be harm for others, good householder?
I would say wrong view is praying to gods.
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confusedlayman
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by confusedlayman »

if u have dhamma friends u should have,,. if u have non dhamma friends either u have or dont have
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
2600htz
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by 2600htz »

Hi:

Its not healthy to have no friends.

If you are around a father you develop certain things, if you are around a mother you develop other things. Same with friends, you will share a different side of your personality, that needs to be polished. Of course this doesnt mean you should peak the first person that comes, i mean there is also a learning experience of picking wrong friends and having to cut that relationships.

Regards.
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cappuccino
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by cappuccino »

JC938 wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:49 pm I have no friend.
Buddha is a friend
Art requires philosophy, just as philosophy requires art. Otherwise, what would become of beauty? ―Paul Gauguin
Good for Your Soul
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BlackMagic
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by BlackMagic »

2600htz wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 10:39 pm Hi:

Its not healthy to have no friends.

If you are around a father you develop certain things, if you are around a mother you develop other things. Same with friends, you will share a different side of your personality, that needs to be polished. Of course this doesnt mean you should peak the first person that comes, i mean there is also a learning experience of picking wrong friends and having to cut that relationships.

Regards.
Having been equal to both why choose either?
Refine what is already complete.
Failing to recognize that?
Is the other-side of a rule/code break.

Consider:
"No rites; No rules." ~Unknown

Such a thing should then help one sort "Good friend"
Hate shuns others while greed attracts others. ~Shantideva
The kilesa Jealousy builds a bridge between hate and greed.
An Anagamin is not a moon to stand on... as how can such a being point to anything other than what it thinks it already is? All an anagamin can do is point to wisdom of where such a being has been, not to where Anagamin goes and when realizing this? An Arhat is born never to be "born again".
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Samana_Johann
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by Samana_Johann »

coconut wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 3:19 pm
Samana_Johann wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 2:04 pm
coconut wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:59 pm

Depends on the friend. Surely you wouldn't consider someone who wants to harm you a friend. Well, then you should befriend the dhamma and the study the suttas, for it wants to help you more than your own parents can help you. Study the suttas.

Dhamma and Suttas have will, even bear giving and goodness? Would giving basic wrong view be harm for others, good householder?
I would say wrong view is praying to gods.
Sure? It's basic right view to have gratitude and to regrad ones Brahmas, starting by ones parents. And how would good householder take refuge in the Gems if not bowing down, declare and possible ask to go forth? May you teach me the Dhamma!

Lack of basic right view comes from taking what isn't given or deny giving goodness. Reading what ever amount of Dhamma will therefore not help anything.
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Samana_Johann
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by Samana_Johann »

cappuccino wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 10:54 pm
JC938 wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:49 pm I have no friend.
Buddha is a friend
If understanding the meaning of friend here in right ways... but better not to use such and keep "Gods" on there Sublime place. All to fast householder could see holly as his homie.
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Samana_Johann
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by Samana_Johann »

2600htz wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 10:39 pm Hi:

Its not healthy to have no friends.

If you are around a father you develop certain things, if you are around a mother you develop other things. Same with friends, you will share a different side of your personality, that needs to be polished. Of course this doesnt mean you should peak the first person that comes, i mean there is also a learning experience of picking wrong friends and having to cut that relationships.

Regards.
Why shouldn't be "father" or "mother" be not enough, or say a "God" or a teacher. What unhealthy in not having a friend? One who dwells without companion is seen as sage. What's the meaning of a friend for common people? What does one seek to befriend?
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circuit
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by circuit »

JC938 wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:49 pm Hi,

I have no friend. And I sometimes feel like it's bad. Is it healthy to have no friend in life?

Thanks.
better you always remember and contemplate the supreme quality of The Buddha and let The Buddha become your best friend in your mind. Try to become good person and if you can, try to be better person by the guidance of supreme quality of The Buddha. Throw away all other thinking, only think aspiration to be better person according to Buddha teaching. Throw away all your wants , all your obsessions, all your plans, throw away all your dreams. Be like Buddha.

it's better if you don't crave for a friend, don't look for a friend. law of attraction says: if you have bad habit, you will get friends with bad habit, if you have little good heart, people with good heart will want to be your friend,

so:

cultivate yourself to be good
be a good person
help others
give others in what they need
be kind to yourself

then people will freely come to be your friend

cmiiw
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Dhammanando
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Re: Do we need a friend in life?

Post by Dhammanando »

SteRo wrote: Tue Jan 19, 2021 2:55 pm According to theravada doctrine only admirable friendship is "healthy", i.e. beneficial.
That would depend on what sort of benefit one had in mind. In the Buddha's teachings on friendship in general (e.g., in DN 31 and many discourses in the AN) the characteristics of a good friend that he gives would be descriptors of a much broader range of persons than just one's Buddhist kalyānamittas:
"These four, young householder, should be understood as warm-hearted friends:

(1) he who is a helpmate,
(2) he who is the same in happiness and sorrow,
(3) he who gives good counsel,
(4) he who sympathises.

(1) "In four ways, young householder, should a helpmate be understood as a warm-hearted friend:

(i) he guards the heedless,
(ii) he protects the wealth of the heedless,
(iii) he becomes a refuge when you are in danger,
(iv) when there are commitments he provides you with double the supply needed.

(2) "In four ways, young householder, should one who is the same in happiness and sorrow be understood as a warm-hearted friend:

(i) he reveals his secrets,
(ii) he conceals one's own secrets,
(iii) in misfortune he does not forsake one,
(iv) his life even he sacrifices for one's sake.

(3) "In four ways, young householder, should one who gives good counsel be understood as a warm-hearted friend:

(i) he restrains one from doing evil,
(ii) he encourages one to do good,
(iii) he informs one of what is unknown to oneself,
(iv) he points out the path to heaven.

(4) "In four ways, young householder, should one who sympathises be understood as a warm-hearted friend:

(i) he does not rejoice in one's misfortune,
(ii) he rejoices in one's prosperity,
(iii) he restrains others speaking ill of oneself,
(iv) he praises those who speak well of oneself."

Thus spoke the Exalted One. And when the Master had thus spoken, he spoke yet again:

The friend who is a helpmate,
the friend in happiness and woe,
the friend who gives good counsel,
the friend who sympathises too —
these four as friends the wise behold
and cherish them devotedly
as does a mother her own child.

[...]

"In five ways, young householder, should a clansman minister to his friends and associates as the North:

(i) by liberality,
(ii) by courteous speech,
(iii) by being helpful,
(iv) by being impartial,
(v) by sincerity.

"The friends and associates thus ministered to as the North by a clansman show compassion to him in five ways:

(i) they protect him when he is heedless,
(ii) they protect his property when he is heedless,
(iii) they become a refuge when he is in danger,
(iv) they do not forsake him in his troubles,
(v) they show consideration for his family.

"The friends and associates thus ministered to as the North by a clansman show their compassion towards him in these five ways. Thus is the North covered by him and made safe and secure.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .nara.html
Anabhirati kho, āvuso, imasmiṃ dhammavinaye dukkhā, abhirati sukhā.

“To not delight in this dhammavinaya, friend, is painful; to delight in it is bliss.”
(Sukhasutta, AN 10:66)
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