Conquering Masturbation

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devaloka
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Conquering Masturbation

Post by devaloka »

Dear all,

One of the most strong attachment is the sexual drive.
It can be quelched at the first wave of desire yhru observations but the waves keep hitting the castle in the sand until it collapses.

At some point the stress becomes very hard to deal with and negatively impacts different areas in life.

What is the right way of going about conquering masturbation. A realistic protocol meant for the long term of cessation of craving whilest being mindful of the not to underestimate the difficulty of this endeavour.

Thank you

Mere suffering exists, no sufferer is found;
The deed is, but no doer of the deed is there;
Nibbàna is, but not the man who enters it;
The path is, but no traveler on it is seen
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confusedlayman
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by confusedlayman »

devaloka wrote: Tue May 11, 2021 7:10 pm Dear all,

One of the most strong attachment is the sexual drive.
It can be quelched at the first wave of desire yhru observations but the waves keep hitting the castle in the sand until it collapses.

At some point the stress becomes very hard to deal with and negatively impacts different areas in life.

What is the right way of going about conquering masturbation. A realistic protocol meant for the long term of cessation of craving whilest being mindful of the not to underestimate the difficulty of this endeavour.

Thank you
imagine it leads to hell ...
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
Bundokji
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by Bundokji »

There is a long thread about the topic here

viewtopic.php?f=37&t=6847
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"

This was the last word of the Tathagata.
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SDC
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by SDC »

Remember that sensuality is very dangerous: MN 54

That what arouses you has more than just the sign of beauty, has more than just beautiful features, more than just a beautiful side. It also has an unattractive side: AN 3.68

That sense restraint leads to wisdom if properly practiced: AN 4.14

Just remember, that being addicted to pleasures of the senses is absolutely incompatible with progress. “Enjoying yourself” has consequences. And everyone knows deep down that dependence on pleasure is weakness; that dependence on that which will break is foolish. Think about it, if pleasure of the senses is where you go to feel safe, if it is where you go at the end of a hard day to feel better, what happens when the body either can’t provide it any further or it breaks down completely? Where do you go then? If you didn’t develop any safe point that is secluded from sensuality while you’re strong and sharp, how you gonna find it when you lose your senses and the body altogether? Be afraid of missing your chance. That is why sensuality is dangerous.

In the very least, don’t ever forget was a blazing contradiction it is and you won’t forget that restraint is the way things need to go.
“Life is swept along, short is the life span; no shelters exist for one who has reached old age. Seeing clearly this danger in death, a seeker of peace should drop the world’s bait.” SN 1.3
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JamesTheGiant
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by JamesTheGiant »

devaloka wrote: Tue May 11, 2021 7:10 pm
What is the right way of going about conquering masturbation. A realistic protocol meant for the long term of cessation of craving whilest being mindful of the not to underestimate the difficulty of this endeavour.
It should be left until later. Conquering masturbation is for monastics, and 8 preceptors. It is not important for a layperson to spend much energy on it.
Much more important to do this:
1) Perfect the 5 precepts.
2) Establish daily practise of meditation and dhamma study.
3) After you have done that, then maybe think about stopping masturbation.
dharmacorps
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by dharmacorps »

James advice as usual is really good.

See if you can hold the standard 5 precepts for a couple years solidly first. An exception to that would be you are having issues with compulsive masturbation or something, in which case seeing a therapist may be best.
Inedible
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by Inedible »

It is a difficult habit to beat. Cutting back is a good start. The important thing is you can't wait to do something about it until the stress is getting to you. It is essential to stop thinking about sex the rest of the time and to avoid sexually stimulating images. Establishing good habits for stress reduction in general helps, because often sex is for stress relief rather than sensual enjoyment. Like stress eating.
form
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by form »

The advice to focus on five precepts first is good.

In addition if u seriously want to kick this habit, u can try certain methods of mind conditioning in the suttas. Like visualising the body as the principle elements, impermanent, as a source of suffering when it is not a permanent source of pleasure, mindful when seeing attractive opposite gender etc.
D1W1
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by D1W1 »

confusedlayman wrote: Tue May 11, 2021 8:04 pm
devaloka wrote: Tue May 11, 2021 7:10 pm Dear all,

One of the most strong attachment is the sexual drive.
It can be quelched at the first wave of desire yhru observations but the waves keep hitting the castle in the sand until it collapses.

At some point the stress becomes very hard to deal with and negatively impacts different areas in life.

What is the right way of going about conquering masturbation. A realistic protocol meant for the long term of cessation of craving whilest being mindful of the not to underestimate the difficulty of this endeavour.

Thank you
imagine it leads to hell ...
Whether it's a fact or not is another matter. Other religions condemn sex and masturbation, do they in fact free from masturbation and become holy? Using intellectual, you can only defeat it to a certain extent.
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confusedlayman
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by confusedlayman »

D1W1 wrote: Wed May 12, 2021 2:46 pm
confusedlayman wrote: Tue May 11, 2021 8:04 pm
devaloka wrote: Tue May 11, 2021 7:10 pm Dear all,

One of the most strong attachment is the sexual drive.
It can be quelched at the first wave of desire yhru observations but the waves keep hitting the castle in the sand until it collapses.

At some point the stress becomes very hard to deal with and negatively impacts different areas in life.

What is the right way of going about conquering masturbation. A realistic protocol meant for the long term of cessation of craving whilest being mindful of the not to underestimate the difficulty of this endeavour.

Thank you
imagine it leads to hell ...
Whether it's a fact or not is another matter. Other religions condemn sex and masturbation, do they in fact free from masturbation and become holy? Using intellectual, you can only defeat it to a certain extent.
see that pleasure as pain
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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mjaviem
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by mjaviem »

Inedible wrote: Wed May 12, 2021 5:14 am It is a difficult habit to beat. Cutting back is a good start. The important thing is you can't wait to do something about it until the stress is getting to you. It is essential to stop thinking about sex the rest of the time and to avoid sexually stimulating images. Establishing good habits for stress reduction in general helps, because often sex is for stress relief rather than sensual enjoyment. Like stress eating.
Yes. This.

One thing is to delight in sexual thoughts and visual images ending up in masturbation but another thing is when someone is practising sense restrain who ends up masturbating as a way to release stress. I don't see they should be condemned, they are at least trying. The problem is not in the physical act but in seeking delight, the danger is in sex thoughts and images not in those few seconds of stress release. IMO.
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sunnat
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Post by sunnat »

I once heard a teacher give advice to a newly married couple that before sex meditate for fifteen minutes. This is: do some anapana to focus the mind and be aware of the feelings that arise in the mind body phenomenon. Then the principle is to avoid sex that harms self or other.
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Jgood
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by Jgood »

JamesTheGiant wrote: Tue May 11, 2021 9:29 pm
devaloka wrote: Tue May 11, 2021 7:10 pm
What is the right way of going about conquering masturbation. A realistic protocol meant for the long term of cessation of craving whilest being mindful of the not to underestimate the difficulty of this endeavour.
It should be left until later. Conquering masturbation is for monastics, and 8 preceptors. It is not important for a layperson to spend much energy on it.
Much more important to do this:
This is sound advice. People can quit fapping without the 8 precepts (from accounts I’ve read online) but the majority who do are usually the ones who feel they have hit rock bottom in their masturbation addiction, or who suffer from problems like ED because of their excessive masturbation and porn use. In other words, you need a very strong motivation to successfully quit.

For people for whom masturbation is more so just a dirty habit that they partake in sometimes, quitting is ironically harder. Why? Because the powerful motivation to quit isn’t there. It’s like if I’m not overweight and am healthy, what is the big issue with eating a little candy once or twice a week?

I’ve tried to quit fapping many times, but I always eventually cave in. I know the reason is because I do not guard my senses well enough and the energy eventually becomes too much to handle. Realistically for a normal person, just following the five precepts while trying to quit is not enough. In today’s world, it is extremely difficult to abstain from masturbation while at the same time indulging in entertainment and social media. I believe if one is serious about quitting, a reorganization of ones life and priorities is required. The battle against the most powerful form of sensuality requires all the energy one can muster. Asubha meditation alone won’t cut it.
asahi
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by asahi »

It is very difficult for lay people to abandon all kinds of sensuality . The eyes love to see pretty lady , listen to soothing musics and nice words , eating delicious foods , sleepings etc .
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Pondera
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Re: Conquering Masturbation

Post by Pondera »

Growing old helps. It helps you become disenchantment with the naked body of a woman. Plus by mid thirties your libido starts to die.

teenagers and adults are young, dumb, and full of come. A man comes into his sexual prime at age 18. The images and videos on the internet are artificial stimulants. They’re addictive.

There has never been a time in history when young men have fapped so much. I reckon that men these days fap 300% more than men who had to use their imagination in order to bust a nut.

Of course, the old fashion pursuit of “getting laid” has gone out of fashion. Now it’s just video games and HD porn.

Having a wife who will leave you if you do not give up your porn addiction is also helpful :tongue:

I haven’t masturbated in at least 6 years. I find my self giving in and going to 4chan and thinking to my self - what a waste of time. Why the phuck am I looking at this shyte.

It helps if you have a wife and develop a liking for actual SEX (as opposed to wrist action with “Palmella”).

Just wait. When you start to age, you’ll start to see how redundant and boring masturbation is.

And. You’ll look back and think, “if I had stopped masturbating, would I have gotten real sex?”

That’s the thing. If you’re wasting your testosterone, your not attracting females.
Like the three marks of conditioned existence, this world in itself is filthy, hostile, and crowded
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