Buddhist Marriages

[mabw]

Hi,

Is anyone aware of the earliest Buddhist marriage recorded? What were the rituals like, especially in India? Were marriages in Buddhist countries mainly a secular matter informed by cultural traditions or something which had Buddhist elements thrown in? As far as I am aware, monastics were not called to bless a couple until fairly modern times.

Thank you in advance.

[confusedlayman]

Hi,

Is anyone aware of the earliest Buddhist marriage recorded? What were the rituals like, especially in India? Were marriages in Buddhist countries mainly a secular matter informed by cultural traditions or something which had Buddhist elements thrown in? As far as I am aware, monastics were not called to bless a couple until fairly modern times.

Thank you in advance.

indian marrage is very long involving dance and music and these days it also involves alcohol...

buddist marrage is supposed to be agreement between two people... they say will u marry me and other half should say yes and that's it... it is supposed to be 15 sec thing but buddhist marriage also involves dance and music etc depending on family desire

[Srimathie Samarakone]

do not know whether there is some thing called Buddhist Marriages. What I understand is if both parties are Buddhists they follow the traditional and cultural rituals according to the country they belong to. I ma be wrong. But thus is what I feel.

[dharmacorps]

There are no marriage rituals that are a part of the sasana--only local cultural customs. In fact, in the last few decades only, the Sri Lankan government asked the Sangha to make some up as a method of increasing national pride of Buddhist heritage. Otherwise it was secular.

[StrivingforMonkhood]

Buddhism is a belief system that is about solitude and monastic living. Adapting it to family life has been a struggle over the centuries.

[mabw]

Yes, but I think it is in the interest of Buddhism that the laity be supported in their practice, rather than widening the gulf between the ordained and the laity. In many places, the laity has played a very big role in the preservation of the teachings. It is a symbiotic relationship that deserves more mention. There are numerous practitioners who are married, so let's all just respect our respective roles.

[BrokenBones]

I don't think there is such a thing as 'Buddhist' marriage... just cultural and legal niceties.

Mine was as registry office... not a monk within 10 miles... why should they get involved in such worldly activities?

[mabw]

When I mention Buddhist marriages, it need not be something led by a monk. I am merely asking for practices traditionally. For e.g, there could be a dana done and the merit be dedicated to the building of a wholesome Buddhist household.

[justindesilva]

When I mention Buddhist marriages, it need not be something led by a monk. I am merely asking for practices traditionally. For e.g, there could be a dana done and the merit be dedicated to the building of a wholesome Buddhist household.

May I say that there are no buddhist marriages, but marriages of buddhists, because sutta desana doesn't note customs of marriges. Here in Sri lanka , parents and elders of buddhist families would like there children be married within buddhists for customary reasons. Buddhists have daily rituals different from chrustians hindus and moslems as observing 5 precepts vows daily ( often) , and observing sil on poya days by elders, going to damma schools on sundays etc. The buddhists believe in tallying horoscopes.
Once agreed on a ceremony, many and most families give a dana ( alms giving) before to get the blessing of thes sangha, by both families individually.
All marrriages of buddhists are made at a ceremony on a 4x4 sq.ft decorated stage. Coconut lamps are lit at corners and rituals with tying the small fingers while pouring water is done and chanting of blessing with old chants, with blessings of worthy deities and blessings of budda, damma, sangha.
Gifts to parents of both bride and groom are donated. The poruwa ceremony is decorated often with local drumming and dancing These rituals have a great meaning . The couple then goes on the honey moon to come back to the grooms home, along with the relatives of the bride, to be treated with hospitality.
The marriges of christians of course are different as they marry in the church and is not a ceremony like that of the buddhists.

[mabw]

The buddhists believe in tallying horoscopes.

rituals with tying the small fingers while pouring water is done and chanting of blessing with old chants

The poruwa ceremony is decorated often with local drumming and dancing

Thank you. Very interesting.

The horoscopes are to check the astrological compatibility of the couple? Which horoscope system is used? The Indian one involving Nakshatras? Who do u consult to match the horoscopes?

How is the ritual tying the small fingers done? What is chanted?

What is the poruwa ceremony?

Who leads these marriage rituals?

[justindesilva]

The buddhists believe in tallying horoscopes.

rituals with tying the small fingers while pouring water is done and chanting of blessing with old chants

The poruwa ceremony is decorated often with local drumming and dancing

Thank you. Very interesting.

The horoscopes are to check the astrological compatibility of the couple? Which horoscope system is used? The Indian one involving Nakshatras? Who do u consult to match the horoscopes?

How is the ritual tying the small fingers done? What is chanted?

What is the poruwa ceremony?

Who leads these marriage rituals?

20 aspects of nakshatra is tallied. If 50% is tallying more or less its good. Indian astrology is used. Professional astrologers do calculations on times to get on to poruwa and to get down from it. The brother of brides mother ties the thread. and pours
water based on an old tradition. Chanting of old slokas are done by some asttrologers or old people who have mastered the rituals. These verses chanted are based on pattini or deity of purification while blessings from other deities are requested. Some hindu customs are somewhat mixed in these rituals.

[mabw]

Interesting. Thank you.

[StrivingforMonkhood]

Yes, but I think it is in the interest of Buddhism that the laity be supported in their practice, rather than widening the gulf between the ordained and the laity. In many places, the laity has played a very big role in the preservation of the teachings. It is a symbiotic relationship that deserves more mention. There are numerous practitioners who are married, so let's all just respect our respective roles.

Of course it is in the interest of Buddhism to support the laity. I couldn't agree more, dear friend. It is essential for the lay to learn and practice the Dhamma!

That said, we cannot forget Buddhism's origins. I need to say no more.

If my words offended anyone, I am sorry. Practicing Right Speech is so, so important.

Many people are unable to become monastics because of their current state in life, as it's just clearly impossible. If we have children, we just can't become a monk or nun -- we must attend to our current state in life. If you're single with no strong worldly responsibilities, then the holy gift of being a monk is possible. It is my wish, but I am still too attached to the world.

May all of these lay people fulfill their deepest wish for happiness through the wisdom of the Holy Buddha.

[justindesilva]

Yes, but I think it is in the interest of Buddhism that the laity be supported in their practice, rather than widening the gulf between the ordained and the laity. In many places, the laity has played a very big role in the preservation of the teachings. It is a symbiotic relationship that deserves more mention. There are numerous practitioners who are married, so let's all just respect our respective roles.

Of course it is in the interest of Buddhism to support the laity. I couldn't agree more, dear friend. It is essential for the lay to learn and practice the Dhamma!

That said, we cannot forget Buddhism's origins. I need to say no more.

If my words offended anyone, I am sorry. Practicing Right Speech is so, so important.

Many people are unable to become monastics because of their current state in life, as it's just clearly impossible. If we have children, we just can't become a monk or nun -- we must attend to our current state in life. If you're single with no strong worldly responsibilities, then the holy gift of being a monk is possible. It is my wish, but I am still too attached to the world.

May all of these lay people fulfill their deepest wish for happiness through the wisdom of the Holy Buddha.

Lord budda did not consider marriage as unsuitable to followers. In Singalovadassutta and parabava sutta he advocated the ways to follow by married persons. In asermon to Nakula matha and Nakula pitha lord budda expresses the types
of wives as 7 types or 7 character types from deity like to ferocious, thus advising what marriage would be.

[mabw]

No offense taken.