Relative's death and 100 day mourn tradition

[mandaikutta]

Folks.

I don't want to offend anybody. Please forgive me if I am asking the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing.

My GF is a Vietnamese and she moved to US when she was very young. She still speaks Vietnamese and English. She is still a vegan and follow and values Vietnamese buddist traditions. Yesterday her loving grandma died in Vietnam. She is completely heart broken and also stressed out that she cannot go to Vietnam. She lives with room mates and she is more stressed out that she cannot do all the 100 day rituals here in the US.

We both were planning to move together to an apartment this week and this news put a pause to it. She is afraid that she may lose me because of the traditions and customs she has to follow.

Please let me know if there are any exceptions in the traditions/practices that she could skip or if she can be exempted from any of the day to day activities that includes physical and emotional relationship that she is having with me.

I tried to reach Vietnamese temple in bronx and the Vietnamese association in Florida and none of them speak English.

I need help.

Thanks
Mandai

[Ontheway]

Vietnamese Buddhism mainly following Mahayana tradition (Wikipedia).

Which Buddhist tradition she follows?

If it is Mahayana tradition, you could ask in this forum instead: https://www.dharmawheel.net/

[mandaikutta]

Thank you. She doesn't know. I posted the same in that forum as well.

Thanks again

[confusedlayman]

What will ritual do? Its her grandma own karma that saves her... tell ur gf to be educated in buddhas dhamma.

[Coëmgenu]

100 days of mourning is likely for someone passing through the antarābhava. My guess. Likely Mahāyāna, but maybe it's a traditional Vietnamese practice more than belonging to any particular kind of Buddhism.

[mikenz66]

In Thai circles it is traditional to have remembrance gatherings at various time periods. At least after one week, one month, one year. I recall hearing a talk (perhaps Ajahn Amaro) discussing this, and remarking how it's really useful to do that, so people gather to remember their friend/relative when the shock of loss has reduced, rather than only just after the death, as is common in the West. In my experience, funeral rituals can be very helpful aids to those who are still here getting over grief and getting on with their lives. I hope that Mandai's girlfriend finds the comfort that she needs.


Mike

[SarathW]

In Sri Lanka we have it on seventh day, three months and one year.
Sri Lankans mourn only seven days. The others are rememberance days.
My guess is some one has mistaken 100th day to 100 days.

[Coëmgenu]

I mean, it doesn't take much effort to Google "100 days antarābhava" to find substantiated the belief that beings can take up to 100 days or more to be reborn. Likely the Vietnamese girl is Mahāyāna and her community observed rituals for the antarābhava. Japan also used to have identical mourning rituals, including a 100 day observance for the deceased in the antarābhava.

Why would the Vietnamese mix up 7 and 100 days? Seems more likely they are separate funerary traditions.