How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

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MrLearner
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How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by MrLearner »

Hey everyone,

First of all I'm not the jealous type at all, quite the opposite I'm very happy about other people's success but I have noticed it is easier to be happy about other people's success when you also have it.

For example lets say someone brought a new car, it is easier to be happy about that person if you have a good car also. Let's say someone bought a new house, it is easier for you to be happy about him if you own a house also. I was wondering how can you be happy for someone else when you don't have what he/she has, which is the hard bit? I'm not talking about any specific problem or personal experiences I'm having in life, I'm just asking generally.

Thank you :)
JohnK
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by JohnK »

MrLearner wrote: Sun Aug 02, 2020 3:33 pm ...I was wondering how can you be happy for someone else when you don't have what he/she has, which is the hard bit?...
How? There is no quick fix, only by following the whole Noble Eightfold Path, which is designed to get beyond such things by seeing the dukkha in attachment to achievements (especially "mine" and "others"), learning to let go of ways of perceiving that do not lead to freedom.
For reference, Bhikkhu Bodhi's essay on the path:
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/aut ... toend.html
(Perhaps a more general answer than you were looking for.)
:anjali:
Those who grasp at perceptions & views wander the internet creating friction. [based on Sn4:9,v.847]
santa100
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by santa100 »

MrLearner wrote: Sun Aug 02, 2020 3:33 pm Hey everyone,

First of all I'm not the jealous type at all, quite the opposite I'm very happy about other people's success but I have noticed it is easier to be happy about other people's success when you also have it.

For example lets say someone brought a new car, it is easier to be happy about that person if you have a good car also. Let's say someone bought a new house, it is easier for you to be happy about him if you own a house also. I was wondering how can you be happy for someone else when you don't have what he/she has, which is the hard bit? I'm not talking about any specific problem or personal experiences I'm having in life, I'm just asking generally.

Thank you :)
It's important to first develop a sense of contentment with what you already have. If you're content with just the bare necessities, there wouldn't be any reason for envy/jealousy to arise. So if your friend just bought a new car? Good for him. He seems to need it more than you do. Your friend owns a house? Good for him too 'cuz seems like he needs it while you do not. Also, seeing with the eye of wisdom and you'd realize that pain always accompany pleasure like 2 sides of the same coin. The moment one's gained the pleasure of some material possession, one'd also automatically acquired the pain/worry of having to maintain/upkeep/and protect his possession to prevent it from getting worn out, broken, or stolen!
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cappuccino
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by cappuccino »

This is the way that leads to influence, that is to say, not to be envious, not to envy, begrudge or harbor envy about others' gain, honor, veneration, respect, salutations and offerings.

from the Majjhima Nikaya
dharmacorps
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by dharmacorps »

I don't think that is something that is necessarily a problem. If someone has something good that you have (like a car), then you are able to fully relate and share mutual joy. If someone has a billion dollars, then you can be happy for them in a sympathetic manner, but perhaps not relate fully. Then there are situations where something "good" happens to someone I know and like, and they perceive it as something good but I don't really "get it"; their happiness is sort of infectious because of your support of that person. I don't think any of these are diminished either way. It seems natural to me that the double victory would be mutual joy of shared achievement.
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Sam Vara
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by Sam Vara »

With regard to what we might call worldly success - possessions, status, and power, etc. - it is quite easy to be happy for someone else's success if it is something that you yourself do not value. For example, think of someone excelling in a sport that you have no interest in. It's easy to be pleased for their good fortune if you can see that they are pleased, but you have no interest in copying them, and no possibility of jealousy arising. I would feel that way about someone who buys a really expensive car. "Good for them, I hope they enjoy it, but I have no interest in it beyond that". This is a really good reason why giving up grasping and wanting is helpful in cultivating other qualities like appreciation.

With regard to someone who has had more success in what we might term a spiritual path, or progress in Dhamma, then we might reflect on how this person might be an example to us - they are human just like me, and if they have attained that, then so can I - and that they might also be able to teach us. We can rejoice because they have showed us the way.
user99
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by user99 »

It comes with time when you are a happier person.
simsapa
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by simsapa »

First of all I'm not the jealous type at all, quite the opposite I'm very happy about other people's success but I have noticed it is easier to be happy about other people's success when you also have it.
This means you're the jealous type. If you were quite the opposite you wouldn't feel jealous when you don't have something that other people do. The root of jealousy is reacting negatively to what other people have. And you can easily see that this has no basis. If you want those things, then try to get them. If you can't get them, then why be jealous? If you won't get them, then why be jealous? And why be jealous at all? How does it benefit you or anyone else?
SarathW
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by SarathW »

First of all, you should understand the near enemy and the far enemy of Mudhita. (appreciative joy)
Then you can see this in a worldly and unworldly way as others suggested.
Always remember, others success also your success.
For instance, I am not an Arahant but I am advising and helping in this forum for others to achieve the same goal which I myself not achieved yet.
But hopefully, the very person I am helping now may help me in a latter-day. (this is the worldly way to look into it)
The unworldly way is to appreciate how Kamma and Vipaka operates and contemplate on Anicca. Dukkha and Anatta.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
binocular
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by binocular »

MrLearner wrote: Sun Aug 02, 2020 3:33 pmHow to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?
Why would you have to be happy about it?
Why do you want to be happy about it?

Not having any particular attitude towards other people's success isn't the same as being jealous of it.
If you can't build with them, don't chill with them.
pegembara
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by pegembara »

I was wondering how can you be happy for someone else when you don't have what he/she has, which is the hard bit? I'm not talking about any specific problem or personal experiences I'm having in life, I'm just asking generally.
It's all down to comparing "self" with the "others".

By co-opting(claiming as your own) his or her success. When someone wins a gold medal in the Olympics we bask in the reflected glory. Or if your child achieves career success. Or your favourite team wins a game.

When you have "conceit", you are comparing yourself with others - better than, worse off or same as. That can be a source of "happiness and satisfaction" or distress or just plain indifference.
[At Veluvana So.na the householder's son approached the Blessed One. The Buddha said:] "Whatever recluses and Brahmans, So.na, hold views about the body, which is impermanent, unsatisfactory and subject to change, such as 'I am better [than you],' 'I am equal [to you],' or 'I am worse [than you]' [likewise 'feeling,' 'perception,' 'mental formations,' 'consciousness'], what else are they but folk who do not see things as they really are?

"But, So.na, whatever recluses and Brahmans do not hold such views... What else are they but those who see things as they really are?"
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .wlsh.html
And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.
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confusedlayman
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by confusedlayman »

only solution is not seeing a person in aggregates

one electricity can run a train , other electricity can only light a small bulb...

bulb electricity wont fight with electricity to run train ...

so when everything is seen as process after process without processor,

one process by its own ignorant condition results in another process which is perceived as superior or inferior attainments by another process which is conditined by its own ignorance
dont think
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Bimbisara
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by Bimbisara »

MrLearner wrote: Sun Aug 02, 2020 3:33 pm I'm not talking about any specific problem or personal experiences I'm having in life, I'm just asking generally.
I find it wonderful when someone experiences happiness that has blameless qualities in it.
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Sam Vara
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by Sam Vara »

Bimbisara wrote: Tue Aug 04, 2020 2:13 pm
MrLearner wrote: Sun Aug 02, 2020 3:33 pm I'm not talking about any specific problem or personal experiences I'm having in life, I'm just asking generally.
I find it wonderful when someone experiences happiness that has blameless qualities in it.
:goodpost: :anjali:
sentinel
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Re: How to be happy about other people's achievements, when you don't have it?

Post by sentinel »

How to be happy ? Perhaps share their happiness in your mind or heart thinking everyone actually should be happy and live abundantly without lacking in materials and not like those living in poverty . Just like If other people suffers , sicks and penniless we would feel sads for them . Now we have the "potential" of giving rise to joy without having the materials . Rejoicing is something one could learn .
You always gain by giving
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