Another month is gone.
If last month I suffered physically, this month it was my turn to be defeated mentally. Mental focus became very weak. I lost most all touch of respiration, and keeping the mind focused on incoming and outgoing breath became a huge chore. Mind became extremely wild and started spending long periods in fictional thought worlds. I felt very helpless, nothing worked. There were some sittings in which I had no awareness of respiration except for one or two breaths. I have not experienced such poor mindfullness until now, as a beginner I had better focus and concenteration.
I will keep making my best efforts. There were one or two sittings when I was able to keep attention on breath as well as I ever have, so it was not all bad. Just going through a trough, I suppose. I have always been avid for quick progress on the path, patience is a virtue I sorely lack. So this month was a hard lesson that taught me to make persistent effort without expectations. Very humbling.
And now onto the seventh month. This month I resolve to practice
Anapanasati meditation every morning and evening for at least 55 minutes.
20140215
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140216
Morning sitting.
<Failure, 50 minute Evening Sitting>
20140217
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140218
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140219
Morning sitting.
<Failure, 45 minute Evening Sitting>
20140220
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140221
<Failure, 45 minute Morning Sitting>
<Failure, 50 minute Evening Sitting>
20140222
Morning sitting.
<Failure, 50 minute Evening Sitting>
20140223
<Failure, 50 minute Morning Sitting>
<Failure, 45 minute Evening Sitting>
20140224
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140225
Morning sitting.
<Failure, 50 minute Evening Sitting>
20140226
<Failure>
Evening sitting.
20140227
Morning sitting.
<Failure, 50 minute Evening Sitting>
20140228
Morning sitting.
<Failure>
20140301
<Failure, 50 minute Morning Sitting>
Evening sitting.
20140302
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140303
<Failure, 50 minute Morning Sitting>
Evening sitting.
20140304
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140305
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140306
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140307
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140308
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140309
Morning sitting.
<Failure, 50 minute Evening Sitting>
20140310
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140311
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140312
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.
20140313
Morning sitting.
<Failure>
20140314
Morning sitting.
Evening sitting.