What to do?

[Ceisiwr]

Is it better for a man who has chosen to remain a layperson yet celibate to own their own home or to move in with their parents, help to look after them in old age and give any extra cash that might have gone on living alone (bills etc) to charity/monasteries?

I’m basically asking regarding myself. I’ve recently qualified as a scientist and have a decent paying job for the first time in my life. I now have the choice of buying my own home or living with my parents until their old age and death. I’m a single child. I have no children of my own nor any partner, and I’ve made a decision to renounce both for life.

I could buy my own home. This would give me some space to meditate but no one really to leave it too and less money to give to others on a monthly basis. The other option is to live with my parents. Slightly less peace when it comes to meditation but more money to give to others. Thoughts?

[SarathW]

Will you inherit your family home from your parents?
Helping others could be a great idea but to be mindful who you are helping.
Your hard earn money should have a lasting effect and you can see the result for yourself.
Looking after your parents is also a great deed.

[Ceisiwr]

Will you inherit your family home from your parents?

Yes.

[rhinoceroshorn]

Don't know but hope you be happy with your decision.

[Assaji]

Is it better for a man who has chosen to remain a layperson yet celibate to own their own home or to move in with their parents, help to look after them in old age and give any extra cash that might have gone on living alone (bills etc) to charity/monasteries?

Communal living (especially with parents) is excellent training in skilful modes of conduct. When you have less property, there are fewer concerns. And perhaps you can build or arrange for a perfect sound-isolated meditation room in the parents' house.

However, much depends on whether they are supportive of your practice or not.

[Ceisiwr]

However, much depends on whether they are supportive of your practice or not.

They are.

[Sam Vara]

It's rare that people in our country actually choose to live with their parents. If the economy and job market allows it, could you not start buying your own home and support your parents from there? If you could stay near them, I'm sure they would appreciate help and visits. They might also like the idea that their only son is economically independent and a man of property.

If you own a house, or have paid off even part of a mortgage, you could them sell it and realise the equity when the end comes for them. If you don't have that, and their house goes on nursing home fees, you could one day find yourself coping with grief, homelessness, and possibly no job. And maybe you will one day want a partner, and maybe you both will then want children. Don't burn your boats.

Look after yourself to look after others. Remember what Maggie T. said about the Good Samaritan!

Whatever you decide, best of luck in thinking about this.

[SarathW]

Will you inherit your family home from your parents?

Yes.

Well, then you have a shelter for life.
Ask your parent whether they are happy for you to live with them.
What if they do not leave the house for you?
Perhaps you can buy the house from them subject to life interest.
What is your plan when you get old?

[Ceisiwr]

It's rare that people in our country actually choose to live with their parents. If the economy and job market allows it, could you not start buying your own home and support your parents from there? If you could stay near them, I'm sure they would appreciate help and visits. They might also like the idea that their only son is economically independent and a man of property.

If you own a house, or have paid off even part of a mortgage, you could them sell it and realise the equity when the end comes for them. If you don't have that, and their house goes on nursing home fees, you could one day find yourself coping with grief, homelessness, and possibly no job. And maybe you will one day want a partner, and maybe you both will then want children. Don't burn your boats.

Look after yourself to look after others. Remember what Maggie T. said about the Good Samaritan!

Whatever you decide, best of luck in thinking about this.

This is true. I did have one idea of buying a house to rent instead of to live in (I can’t afford one to live in and one to rent, yet anyway).

[Ceisiwr]

It's rare that people in our country actually choose to live with their parents. If the economy and job market allows it, could you not start buying your own home and support your parents from there? If you could stay near them, I'm sure they would appreciate help and visits. They might also like the idea that their only son is economically independent and a man of property.

If you own a house, or have paid off even part of a mortgage, you could them sell it and realise the equity when the end comes for them. If you don't have that, and their house goes on nursing home fees, you could one day find yourself coping with grief, homelessness, and possibly no job. And maybe you will one day want a partner, and maybe you both will then want children. Don't burn your boats.

Look after yourself to look after others. Remember what Maggie T. said about the Good Samaritan!

Whatever you decide, best of luck in thinking about this.

And yes you are right. In some way it feels a little, shall we say, odd never owning my own home. I am though 90% sure that I want to remain single and childless.

[chownah]

Depending on where you are living buying a home might not be a good investment.
Depending on where you are living you may be able to buy a house and establish a business there or a public service. It could be used as a day care for instance with the day care paying some rent which would help defray the mortgage payments. If you found the right property you might be able to reserve a small space for you to use for meditating and then use the bulk of the house for some other purpose.

Even though you will remain single that does not preclude the possibility of having a good friend/kindred spirit as a house mate.

I bought a house which I no longer own and it had a big garage with its own electrical service and shared the water supply with the house. I used it as terrific shop space and circumstance became such that for a while I lived in it and rented out the house which completely paid for my mortgage payments.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a house can be used in many ways other than just as your residence or as a rental.....this is especially true for singles.....I didn't have to disappoint a partner with life in an unfinished space which was fine for me but unacceptable for most people.
chownah
Edit: Please do be advised that keeping a house in good repair can involve significant work and/or expense.
chownah

[rhinoceroshorn]

I am though 90% sure that I want to remain single and childless.

If you don't gain a mature companion,
a fellow traveler, right-living & wise,
wander alone
like a king renouncing his kingdom,
like the elephant in the Matanga wilds,
his herd.

We praise companionship
— yes!
Those on a par, or better,
should be chosen as friends.
If they're not to be found,
living faultlessly,
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

May you find a mature companion, a fellow traveler, right-living and wise. If not, wander like a .

[DarrenM]

Is it better for a man who has chosen to remain a layperson yet celibate to own their own home or to move in with their parents, help to look after them in old age and give any extra cash that might have gone on living alone (bills etc) to charity/monasteries?

I’m basically asking regarding myself. I’ve recently qualified as a scientist and have a decent paying job for the first time in my life. I now have the choice of buying my own home or living with my parents until their old age and death. I’m a single child. I have no children of my own nor any partner, and I’ve made a decision to renounce both for life.

I could buy my own home. This would give me some space to meditate but no one really to leave it too and less money to give to others on a monthly basis. The other option is to live with my parents. Slightly less peace when it comes to meditation but more money to give to others. Thoughts?

Would they be open to selling and contributing from the sale to a larger house that you could buy? This would potentially give you the room and peace you need to meditate by maybe splitting off the property and still being close enough to support them.

[Coëmgenu]

Tricky. In an older society, there would be more siblings with which to share the load.

You yourself will not likely have children. You can give your parents what you (and I) will likely not have, but at a great cost to your own mental wellbeing. Is it only old age or is there dementia involved?

[santa100]

I could buy my own home. This would give me some space to meditate but no one really to leave it too and less money to give to others on a monthly basis. The other option is to live with my parents. Slightly less peace when it comes to meditation but more money to give to others. Thoughts?

A few questions to consider first before you can come up with an optimized solution (this is just for your planning, you don't have to answer publicly):
1. Has your parents' house been fully paid? Or they still have a mortgage? If still paying, how many more years until it's fully paid?
2. Are your parents financially independent currently?
3. Are your parents still physically healthy and able to take care of themselves now? If they are, how many more years in your estimate before they start needing assistance?
4. Do you have enough money saved to buy and fully pay a new house? If not, how many years until its' fully paid?
5. Is your current salary enough to allow you renting a single-bedroom apartment/studio close to your parents and still have some decent amount putting aside to help your parents and others?

The reason of those inquiries is the because there're many goals that require some siginificant resources. And in order to satisfy all of them, you need to know exactly the limit of your resource and theirs. Otherwise, something has to give:
Goal #1. Take care of parents in their old age (financially, physically, mentally)
Goal #2. Take care of yourself (financially, physically, mentally)
Goal #3. Take care of others through charity work (financially, physically, mentally)

Lastly the reason for those "how many more years" questions is that if you don't currently have the bandwidth to satisfy all 3 goals all at once, you can "spread them out" over a period of time, carry out the most urgent one first, and then the nice-to-have one last, etc. Good luck!