celibacy tips

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
anagaarika
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Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 1:38 pm

Re: celibacy tips

Post by anagaarika »

From my own experience I would say that celibacy can be both the most effortless and the most difficult thing in the world, depending on many factors. It can feel both completely natural and unnatural. This might be subjective but I think that sufficient disgust with and exposure to sexuality is a very good pre-requisite for taking up sincere and spontaneous brahmacharya. Even Buddha himself had had a lot of sensual pleasure before turning towards asceticism. I suspect this is an aspect of his story that tends to be overlooked and not made didactic use of. Again, it might be just my thing because I´m a very analytical type, but I prefer to have a very thorough knowledge of the subject before I can make an informed decision. Sex was no different - when I was younger, I simply wanted to see for myself whether it really is unsatisfactory under all circumstances and in all situations and I see nothing bad in this approach. Because when you attain to this empirical knowledge, you know for yourself and your mind naturally loses the momentum towards sexual relationships. This needs to be supported by wisdom, abstract thinking, sincere reflection and, most importantly, substituting gross sensual pleasures with non-sensual bliss. As someone already wrote, jhanic practice (even way before attaining to actual jhanas) is the best and most natural antidote to sensuality since these two are mutually exclusive (there can be only one, not both at the same time).

Celibacy is an awful term (it sound terribly Christian), I don´t like even sense-restraint as it implies some kind of repression against yourself. This is not the case if your practice is going well, though - from a certain point onward you are not restraining yourself in any way, you simply leave the sensual pleasures for something finer, better. This motion becomes internalized and your mind simply stops gravitating towards sexuality. Obviously, good mindfulness is also needed, just as reflection on the drawbacks of sensuality.

I should also add that I as a naturally aromantic person had to deal with the sexual aspect only. I observe that people who also have emotional needs and want to engage in romantic relationships are in a much more difficult situation as these needs seem to be more pesky and persistent than mere sexual drive :/
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