celibacy tips

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
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salayatananirodha
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celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

please share any tips you have for maintaining celibacy (including masturbation)
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salayatananirodha
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN7_47.html wrote:“There is the case, brahman, where a certain contemplative or brahman, while claiming to be one who rightly follows the holy life, doesn’t actually engage in copulating with a woman but he does consent to being anointed, rubbed down, bathed, or massaged by a woman. He enjoys that, wants more of that, and luxuriates in that. This is a gap, a break, a spot, a blemish of the holy life. He is called one who lives the holy life in an impure way, one who is fettered by the fetter of sexuality. He is not freed from birth, aging, & death, from sorrows, lamentations, pains, griefs, & despairs. He is not freed, I tell you, from suffering & stress.

“Or… he jokes, plays, and amuses himself with a woman. He enjoys that, wants more of that, and luxuriates in that.…

“Or… he stares into a woman’s eyes. He enjoys that, wants more of that, and luxuriates in that.…

“Or… he listens to the voices of women outside a wall as they laugh, speak, sing, or cry. He enjoys that, wants more of that, and luxuriates in that.…

“Or… he recollects how he used to laugh, converse, and play with a woman. He enjoys that, wants more of that, and luxuriates in that.…

“Or… he sees a householder or householder’s son enjoying himself endowed with the five strings of sensuality. He enjoys that, wants more of that, and luxuriates in that.…

“Or… he practices the holy life intent on being born in one or another of the deva hosts, (thinking) ‘By this virtue or practice or abstinence or holy life I will be a deva of one sort or another.’ He enjoys that, wants more of that, and luxuriates in that. This is a gap, a break, a spot, a blemish of the holy life. He is called one who lives the holy life in an impure way, one who is fettered by the fetter of sexuality. He is not freed from birth, aging, & death, from sorrows, lamentations, pains, griefs, & despairs. He is not freed, I tell you, from suffering & stress.
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Alino
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Alino »

Hello,

Practicing 8 precepts is a good support for celibacy.
All kind of sensual indulgence can trigger sexuality.

So try to:
- not indulge in eating
- not indulge in sleeping
- not indulge in sensual stimulations (music, movie, etc)
- not indulge in void lay talks about this or that
- delete all social media pages where there is girls etc.
- restrain your eyes on the street (look downwards, not on girls, or look only their faces) this one is not easy because the eye is too fast

You will inevitably fall and do mistakes, dont think that you are bad person or weak person because of that... we learn more because of our faults... Go up and try again...

Some years will pass until you will enjoy sensual restraint and see sensuality as coarse thing of little pleasure.

Calm down your mind and let go of attachments, it will provide you necessary pleasure during formal meditation.

🙏🙏🙏
We don't live Samsara, Samsara is living us...

"Form, feelings, perceptions, formations, consciousness - don't care about us, we don't exist for them"
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JamesTheGiant
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by JamesTheGiant »

salayatananirodha wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:16 am please share any tips you have for maintaining celibacy (including masturbation)
Total celibacy is important for monks.
Don't torture yourself by trying for celibacy as a layperson.
Sure it can be useful, but better to spend your time establishing a good meditation practise, and other wholesome parts of your life.
Do you meditate at least several hours a day? No? Then don't even bother trying for celibacy.
Come back and ask the question again, after you are meditating several hours a day. After you are maintaining the 5 or 8 precepts, pure.
First things first.
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by SteRo »

salayatananirodha wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:16 am please share any tips you have for maintaining celibacy (including masturbation)
Celibacy is for those who have taken corresponding precepts. Laymen usually don't take celibacy precepts. Having said that those who have taken such precepts usually can keep them through guarding the 6 sense bases appropriately.
Cleared. αδόξαστος.
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Ceisiwr
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Ceisiwr »

Focus on the higher pleasure of Jhana, and how sexual activity hinders that.
“Knowing that this body is just like foam,
understanding it has the nature of a mirage,
cutting off Māra’s flower-tipped arrows,
one should go beyond the King of Death’s sight.”
Inedible
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Inedible »

Chronic stress and tension makes celibacy more difficult. It takes deep relaxation physically, emotionally, and mentally to avoid feeding into lust. When something is arousing you can feel the tension snap into place. Somehow we have become convinced it feels good, but it is just tension. Study it well so you can let it go.
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by DooDoot »

SteRo wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 8:58 amCelibacy is for those who have taken corresponding precepts.
I was celibate (renounced sex with others) before i even discovered Buddhism or religion. It amazes me where you create your myriad ideas from.
salayatananirodha wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:16 am please share any tips you have for maintaining celibacy (including masturbation)
Celibacy is maintained by reflection upon the known drawbacks & harm of unskillful sex.

As for masturbation, it hinders the development of samadhi. Thus restrain here is taken on faith.
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

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Re: celibacy tips

Post by SteRo »

DooDoot wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 11:27 am
SteRo wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 8:58 amCelibacy is for those who have taken corresponding precepts.
I was celibate (renounced sex with others) before i even discovered Buddhism or religion. It amazes me where you create your myriad ideas from.
This is the theravada practice section, so the context is clear. Of course there are also christian celibates (or of other religions) or celibates due to not getting laid or having an unusual lack of libido or due to unusual aversions.
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confusedlayman
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by confusedlayman »

watch autopsy videos again and again till u find that body is aversion like coakroach

the feeling arise in penis and leave see it was pain arising and cease

when u dont think there is some kind of equanimity ... get addicted to it
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
Inedible
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Inedible »

It doesn't help to treat parts of yourself like an enemy. No one wins when you fight yourself. Fighting against sex can cost you more energy than just having it would.
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DooDoot
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by DooDoot »

SteRo wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 12:16 pm due to not getting laid or having an unusual lack of libido or due to unusual aversions.
The above is disgusting. Celibacy is practised to engage in non-harming; as the Buddha taught.
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Alino »

Inedible wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:11 pm It doesn't help to treat parts of yourself like an enemy. No one wins when you fight yourself. Fighting against sex can cost you more energy than just having it would.
Is a good kind of effort to fight with Mara. If people dont see drawbacks of sensuality it dont mean that there isn't.

I am lay, and I started to practicing celibacy until I was 21. There was ups and downs, now iam 30 and iam happy that i undertook this practice and done efforts in that direction, it's effortless now and I encourage everyone to practice celibacy and 8 precepts in general.

5 precepts it's a minimum to be born at least as humain
5 precepts + generosity = deva realms
Jhanas = Brahma realms
8 precepts = liberation practice, Middle Way

Middle way it's not about indulging in Samsara, Middle way is about abandoning a whole world... So may those who want to be free - be free, and may those who dont want to be free, out of compassion and wisdom - don't discourage others to try to get free from this endless round of births and deaths...

🙏😑
We don't live Samsara, Samsara is living us...

"Form, feelings, perceptions, formations, consciousness - don't care about us, we don't exist for them"
nmjojola
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by nmjojola »

salayatananirodha wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:16 am please share any tips you have for maintaining celibacy (including masturbation)
Foremost: If you feel inclined, and have the opportunity, to undertake it to the extent you mention here, that is including masturbation, then seize it. Because it's rare enough just to get to the point you are at (that is, being sincerely interested in developing yourself to that extent). So my first tip would be to cultivate that sense of worthwhileness which you seem to have already acquired, do this no matter how many times you fail. Give yourself credit just for getting that far, because the intention alone is its own volitional act and therefore something of an accomplishment in and of itself, regardless of any (or lack of) following resolve and effort.

Then there are practical considerations: as a lay person you may not be able to avoid exposure to signs, marks, characteristics of sensuality (seeing people on the street, or at work, public advertising, etc..) but you can limit exposure overall by avoiding it in your own personal time at home, which in this day and age would mean cutting out a lot, if not at all, media. And replace it with meditation (using both sitting and walking, since only doing one can wear a person out really quick, but alternating between them can make a huge difference), study, reading, or even art or writing if you are a creative type. In short, practically speaking, it's quite possibly going require at least somewhat of a lifestyle change.

As for the more abstract or contemplative considerations - there are two things that I find useful for me personally, so, maybe it'd help someone else such as yourself: one is that the dhamma often talks about sensuality as being a confining place. The perception of seeing sensuality as something that confines you, that traps you, that imprisons you, can, if properly tended to, discourage you from tolerating and entertaining lust when it arises - because who would want to be confined? Couple that consideration with the fact that kind of restraint incidentally also is building a framework for jhana practice - altogether increases your chances of taking the better bait (trading tolerating and entertaining thoughts of sensuality with thoughts of the pleasures of samadhi).

And second, is a thought process based on this sutta: https://media1.britannica.com/primary_s ... d3-02.html
Which a somewhat modern and clever contemplative used for the following contemplation that I find most useful:

"'Well, if I really must have sex, and cannot do without it altogether, the best plan is to restrain myself now and thereby to gain merit that, in my next life, will bring me much bigger and better sex than I can get here.' By the time you have considered this aspect of the question, the temptation has perhaps gone past and is out of sight round the next corner [...] But you still have this unsatisfactory desire for sex. In order to get rid of this, you set to work to see that sex never lasts; that, in the long run, the misery involved outweighs the pleasure; and that final peace can only be obtained when all thought of sex has vanished. This procedure is often quite enough to put the question out of one's mind—until, of course, the next temptation comes along [...] But, each time, there is a little progress, and it gradually becomes easier to keep one's peace of mind, even when a temptation actually appears."

So, there's my contribution for whatever it's worth.
Best regards and more power to you!
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Inedible »

Alino wrote: Thu Mar 11, 2021 3:11 am If people dont see drawbacks of sensuality it dont mean that there isn't.
Even with obvious bad habits like smoking, drinking, using drugs, and overeating it is the same way. The parts of a person responsible for the habits have good intentions. It doesn't help to fight them. Those parts are as sure of themselves as you are sure Dhamma is good. If you want to stop bad habits there are better ways to do it.
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