celibacy tips

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
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salayatananirodha
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

JamesTheGiant wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 4:17 am
salayatananirodha wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:16 am please share any tips you have for maintaining celibacy (including masturbation)
Total celibacy is important for monks.
Don't torture yourself by trying for celibacy as a layperson.
Sure it can be useful, but better to spend your time establishing a good meditation practise, and other wholesome parts of your life.
Do you meditate at least several hours a day? No? Then don't even bother trying for celibacy.
Come back and ask the question again, after you are meditating several hours a day. After you are maintaining the 5 or 8 precepts, pure.
First things first.
it's important for laity too https://legacy.suttacentral.net/en/snp2.14
only not 100% necessary for us.
i know you can have a sexual relationship and still become a stream enterer or a once-returner.
but in my personal experience, my sexual desire has caused me a lot of pain. i dislike pain.
all things equal, the fruit of celibacy added is immensely great. was looking for a dhammapada quote i read on this...
there are also various laypeople in the suttas who take up the five precepts including celibacy. again i'm lacking a reference but i've specifically read this (think it was in bhikkhu bodhi's anguttara nikaya anthology)
for example too there were two once returners, and one of them had a wife; uncelibate but had great wisdom -- the other was celibate but had less wisdom.
of course, i could develop wisdom but thats not my point. its something not required but its great for laypeople. and for me sexuality functions like an addiction. if i cant have it moderately i dont want it. its extreme and its scary and its shameful. i know we're a more 'sexually awakened' society now but really we're more perverted and more corrupted.

but since the topic is, 'celibacy tips' i will accept your condensed answer of 'keep 5 or 8 precepts and meditate several hours a day'
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salayatananirodha
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

i've had great difficulty with the idea of sex ever since i read the buddha compare it to a charcoal pit and then various other similes in potaliya sutta
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salayatananirodha
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

SteRo wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 8:58 am
salayatananirodha wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:16 am please share any tips you have for maintaining celibacy (including masturbation)
Celibacy is for those who have taken corresponding precepts. Laymen usually don't take celibacy precepts. Having said that those who have taken such precepts usually can keep them through guarding the 6 sense bases appropriately.
dont usually maybe but its definitely not unheard of and it occurs in the suttas
i dont have a reference at this time; just what ive read
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JamesTheGiant
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by JamesTheGiant »

salayatananirodha wrote: Fri Mar 12, 2021 9:54 pm i know you can have a sexual relationship and still become a stream enterer or a once-returner.
but in my personal experience, my sexual desire has caused me a lot of pain. i dislike pain.
all things equal, the fruit of celibacy added is immensely great. was looking for a dhammapada quote i read on this...
there are also various laypeople in the suttas who take up the five precepts including celibacy. '
Ok, that's good. It sounds like you have thought about this in a mature way.
I replied like I did because too many young men are obsessed with suppressing sexuality and masturbation. They seem to think it's some secret key to enlightenment, happiness, progress.
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salayatananirodha
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

yeah, i've looked around in the nofap community, although a lot of that is about nofap in aims of having better sex. but there is also the aim of having all-around better quality of life and avoiding other addictions. its something that isnt too hard to see the suffering in although views wont be as comprehensive as what buddhists put forth.
nmjojola wrote: Thu Mar 11, 2021 3:49 am
salayatananirodha wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:16 am please share any tips you have for maintaining celibacy (including masturbation)
Foremost: If you feel inclined, and have the opportunity, to undertake it to the extent you mention here, that is including masturbation, then seize it. Because it's rare enough just to get to the point you are at (that is, being sincerely interested in developing yourself to that extent). So my first tip would be to cultivate that sense of worthwhileness which you seem to have already acquired, do this no matter how many times you fail. Give yourself credit just for getting that far, because the intention alone is its own volitional act and therefore something of an accomplishment in and of itself, regardless of any (or lack of) following resolve and effort.

[...]
"'Well, if I really must have sex, and cannot do without it altogether, the best plan is to restrain myself now and thereby to gain merit that, in my next life, will bring me much bigger and better sex than I can get here.' By the time you have considered this aspect of the question, the temptation has perhaps gone past and is out of sight round the next corner [...] But you still have this unsatisfactory desire for sex. In order to get rid of this, you set to work to see that sex never lasts; that, in the long run, the misery involved outweighs the pleasure; and that final peace can only be obtained when all thought of sex has vanished. This procedure is often quite enough to put the question out of one's mind—until, of course, the next temptation comes along [...] But, each time, there is a little progress, and it gradually becomes easier to keep one's peace of mind, even when a temptation actually appears."

So, there's my contribution for whatever it's worth.
Best regards and more power to you!
Alino wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:57 am Hello,

Practicing 8 precepts is a good support for celibacy.
All kind of sensual indulgence can trigger sexuality.

So try to:
- not indulge in eating
- not indulge in sleeping
- not indulge in sensual stimulations (music, movie, etc)
- not indulge in void lay talks about this or that
- delete all social media pages where there is girls etc.
- restrain your eyes on the street (look downwards, not on girls, or look only their faces) this one is not easy because the eye is too fast

You will inevitably fall and do mistakes, dont think that you are bad person or weak person because of that... we learn more because of our faults... Go up and try again...

Some years will pass until you will enjoy sensual restraint and see sensuality as coarse thing of little pleasure.

Calm down your mind and let go of attachments, it will provide you necessary pleasure during formal meditation.

🙏🙏🙏
i appreciated these posts and others
Focus on the higher pleasure of Jhana, and how sexual activity hinders that.
i feel so little inspiration to meditate but i do contemplate a lot
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salayatananirodha
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

confusedlayman wrote: Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:07 am
SteRo wrote: Thu Mar 11, 2021 9:06 am
Why should I speculate? There is a reason because there is a cause why monks practice celibacy and even some theravada laymen want to practice celibacy.
to avoid rebirth in sensual plane where we need to experience unnesaccary physical suffering of body
i actually found this incredibly perceptive. it seems like confusedlaymans interest in the dhamma is really pulling him through
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salayatananirodha
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

Alino wrote: Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:16 pm [...]
There is no sensual engagement without dukkha that pressures our mind. There is no freedom from dukkha without sensual restraint and wisdom and stability of mind born from it.

Sensual pressure (as all mental fabrications) are just result of past kamma. It is a sort of algorithm that proposes you to buy products which you used to buy on the past. But we are free to gently say - "no thanks I dont need it any more". By dont buying sensual things, buy patiently enduring the "add" and dont buying it, we get free from future adds, and without add there is no dukkha of sensual pressure.
[...]
But if someone wants to stop smoking and enjoy the happiness of breathing the fresh air, with no flavour or smoky odour, smokers shouldn't discourage him and saying him: "Good man! It's hard to stop smoking, why would you stop smoking and seek for a fresh air? Come with us, let's breathe smoke and dust together!"
:bow: :meditate: :bow:
this happens a lot in the suttas too. 'what is the use in striving?'
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by confusedlayman »

salayatananirodha wrote: Fri Mar 12, 2021 10:25 pm
Alino wrote: Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:16 pm [...]
There is no sensual engagement without dukkha that pressures our mind. There is no freedom from dukkha without sensual restraint and wisdom and stability of mind born from it.

Sensual pressure (as all mental fabrications) are just result of past kamma. It is a sort of algorithm that proposes you to buy products which you used to buy on the past. But we are free to gently say - "no thanks I dont need it any more". By dont buying sensual things, buy patiently enduring the "add" and dont buying it, we get free from future adds, and without add there is no dukkha of sensual pressure.
[...]
But if someone wants to stop smoking and enjoy the happiness of breathing the fresh air, with no flavour or smoky odour, smokers shouldn't discourage him and saying him: "Good man! It's hard to stop smoking, why would you stop smoking and seek for a fresh air? Come with us, let's breathe smoke and dust together!"
:bow: :meditate: :bow:
this happens a lot in the suttas too. 'what is the use in striving?'
There r two fears

If we sit like stone without striving for anything yhen we lose good karma we earned and no new good karma gained by non action so we end up lower realms - 1st fear

If we dont strive for anything... is it increase the fetter of laziness? Is mind grasping to laziness feel? - 2nd fear

Insight is just a thought which comes and goes so what? When body sits simply i think it will reelase same hormones which makes present enduring experience same irrespective of one arrived there by insight or mere laziness.. or not?
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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Re: celibacy tips

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Inedible wrote: Wed Mar 10, 2021 10:31 am Chronic stress and tension makes celibacy more difficult. It takes deep relaxation physically, emotionally, and mentally to avoid feeding into lust. When something is arousing you can feel the tension snap into place. Somehow we have become convinced it feels good, but it is just tension. Study it well so you can let it go.
:thanks: :goodpost:
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by salayatananirodha »

confusedlayman wrote: Sat Mar 13, 2021 8:51 am There r two fears

If we sit like stone without striving for anything yhen we lose good karma we earned and no new good karma gained by non action so we end up lower realms - 1st fear

If we dont strive for anything... is it increase the fetter of laziness? Is mind grasping to laziness feel? - 2nd fear

Insight is just a thought which comes and goes so what? When body sits simply i think it will reelase same hormones which makes present enduring experience same irrespective of one arrived there by insight or mere laziness.. or not?
not sure what you mean
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by auto »

Brahmacaria is observance of the holy life. Dhammavinaya is a teaching and training under it.
https://suttacentral.net/mn36/en/sujato wrote: Āḷāra Kālāma replied,
Evaṁ vutte, aggivessana, āḷāro kālāmo maṁ etadavoca:
‘Stay, venerable.
‘viharatāyasmā,
This teaching is such that a sensible person can soon realize their own tradition with their own insight and live having achieved it.’
tādiso ayaṁ dhammo yattha viññū puriso nacirasseva sakaṁ ācariyakaṁ sayaṁ abhiññā sacchikatvā upasampajja vihareyyā’ti.
And the dhamma has an extent. One is limited by how much one has realization of this dhamma and accordingly declares it. Declaration is the extent one is able to teach it.
So one can have more understanding to dhamma than one can teach of it.
‘Reverend Kālāma, to what extent do you say you’ve realized this teaching with your own insight?’
‘kittāvatā no, āvuso kālāma, imaṁ dhammaṁ sayaṁ abhiññā sacchikatvā upasampajja viharāmīti pavedesī’ti?
When I said this, he declared the dimension of nothingness.
Evaṁ vutte, aggivessana, āḷāro kālāmo ākiñcaññāyatanaṁ pavedesi.
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Ceisiwr »

Mindfulness of a corpse/skeleton also helps. This is from a Sarvāstivādin monastery.
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“Knowing that this body is just like foam,
understanding it has the nature of a mirage,
cutting off Māra’s flower-tipped arrows,
one should go beyond the King of Death’s sight.”
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by SteRo »

confusedlayman wrote: Sat Mar 13, 2021 8:51 am There r two fears

If we sit like stone without striving for anything yhen we lose good karma we earned and no new good karma gained by non action so we end up lower realms - 1st fear

If we dont strive for anything... is it increase the fetter of laziness? Is mind grasping to laziness feel? - 2nd fear
That's great. Congratulations! General perspective, but not related to the topic so far.
confusedlayman wrote: Sat Mar 13, 2021 8:51 am Insight is just a thought which comes and goes so what? When body sits simply i think it will reelase same hormones which makes present enduring experience same irrespective of one arrived there by insight or mere laziness.. or not?
Not.
You have to be able to compare experience based on insight and experience based on mere laziness. You must not confuse this comparison with mere 'thinking about'. You have to have direct experience of this and that.
Cleared. αδόξαστος.
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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Aloka »

Alino wrote: Thu Mar 11, 2021 1:16 pm
It is said that after Buddha's awakening Mara followed him for 7 years in order to see a breach and sell him stuff, but after seeing that Buddha will not buy anything, he left...
What sort of things was Mara trying to sell to the Buddha ?....and could you provide a sutta reference, please, especially the section where the Buddha decides he doesn't want to buy them.


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Re: celibacy tips

Post by Alino »

It was a metaphor about selling buying etc... ;)

But I have no sutta reference because I heared it from Ajahn Nanamoli from one of his videos :( But I have no reasons to not belief him.
We don't live Samsara, Samsara is living us...

"Form, feelings, perceptions, formations, consciousness - don't care about us, we don't exist for them"
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