Living with a toxic possibly narcisistic wife

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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salayatananirodha
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Re: Living with a toxic possibly narcisistic wife

Post by salayatananirodha »

16. 'In what has the world originated?' — so said the Yakkha Hemavata, — 'with what is the world intimate? by what is the world afflicted, after having grasped at what?' (167)

17. 'In six the world has originated, O Hemavata,' — so said Bhagavat, — 'with six it is intimate, by six the world is afflicted, after having grasped at six.' (168)

- Hemavatasutta


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AshleyLake
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Re: Living with a toxic possibly narcisistic wife

Post by AshleyLake »

I can understand why some of you would suggest divorce. I have however chosen to stay and practice loving kindness. Won't be easy... but I don't think it is supposed to be easy :)
AshleyLake
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Re: Living with a toxic possibly narcisistic wife

Post by AshleyLake »

DooDoot wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 9:34 pm
SteRo wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 12:11 pm
dharmacorps wrote: Sun Jul 11, 2021 6:48 pm ... you may be doing a better thing by divorcing her.
I'd opt for that, too.
Does sound so Buddhist to act so hastily. :|
The Pharisees asked him, “Why, then, did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away?”

Matthew 19:7
Yep
AshleyLake
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Re: Living with a toxic possibly narcisistic wife

Post by AshleyLake »

cappuccino wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 7:49 pm
AshleyLake wrote: Fri Jul 09, 2021 6:57 am our relationship was rock bottom and I was in so much emotional pain.
I'm curious, does the pain body exist in dhamma teaching?
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DooDoot
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Re: Living with a toxic possibly narcisistic wife

Post by DooDoot »

AshleyLake wrote: Sun Jul 25, 2021 8:19 am
DooDoot wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 9:34 pm
SteRo wrote: Mon Jul 12, 2021 12:11 pm
I'd opt for that, too.
Does sound so Buddhist to act so hastily. :|
The Pharisees asked him, “Why, then, did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away?”

Matthew 19:7
Yep
I meant to say does not sound so Buddhist to act so hastily. :|
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

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Dan74
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Re: Living with a toxic possibly narcisistic wife

Post by Dan74 »

AshleyLake wrote: Sun Jul 25, 2021 8:16 am I can understand why some of you would suggest divorce. I have however chosen to stay and practice loving kindness. Won't be easy... but I don't think it is supposed to be easy :)
I think it's a noble choice if one goes into it with the eyes open and clear motivation.

I recall Ven Huifeng, when he was still posting relate a similar story from his time in South Africa, I think. It was of a Chinese couple, where the wife was a devoted practitioner and the husband was a nightmare. One day the wife approached the Sifu, the old head monk there for advice. She was at the end of her tether, could not deal with the husband anymore and many of the monks knowing both, were hoping she's finally leave him. But the Sifu told her that her practice was to chant for the husband, cultivate as much loving-kindness for his as she could and bear the situation with patience and if possible, equanimity. (this is my recollection, probably a little faulty). The junior monks were dismayed by the Head Monk's advice but didn't say anything of course. Some years passed and the woman's husband was transformed. He repented the years of mistreating her and vowed to make his best efforts to make amends. In the meantime, her practice deepened and steadied more than anyone thought possible.

But... nice as this story is, it may not go this way. That's why our motivation has to be very clear when we commit to something, I think.
_/|\_
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cappuccino
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Re: Living with a toxic possibly narcisistic wife

Post by cappuccino »

AshleyLake wrote: Sun Jul 25, 2021 8:21 am I'm curious, does the pain body exist in dhamma teaching?
No…
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