Balancing Dhamma and Married Laylife

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
mabw
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Re: Balancing Dhamma and Married Laylife

Post by mabw »

Alino wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 4:26 am
I have heard of this before, and this is not always the best advice to give, even if the other party is Buddhist. Some people are just not yet ready for the holy life and that is the way it is. I have already mentioned that these considerations haven't been beneficial to my spiritual life. Rather than living the spiritual life based on fear and worry (on a path which I'm not totally certain exists), I have decided it might be better to live it based on inspiration from the teachings instead.

I thank you though for the well-intentioned input.
Alino
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Re: Balancing Dhamma and Married Laylife

Post by Alino »

Indeed...
Forgive me if I pushed to hard 🙏😑
We don't live Samsara, Samsara is living us...

"Form, feelings, perceptions, formations, consciousness - don't care about us, we don't exist for them"
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Aloka
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Re: Balancing Dhamma and Married Laylife

Post by Aloka »

mabw wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 8:52 am
I have heard of this before, and this is not always the best advice to give, even if the other party is Buddhist. Some people are just not yet ready for the holy life and that is the way it is. I have already mentioned that these considerations haven't been beneficial to my spiritual life. Rather than living the spiritual life based on fear and worry (on a path which I'm not totally certain exists), I have decided it might be better to live it based on inspiration from the teachings instead.
Well said! Too often people on the internet push others towards living the life of a monk or nun when they are probably still struggling themselves to meet the ideals and requirements that they suggest to others.

There's nothing wrong with being a lay practitioner who follows the Buddha's teachings. If there weren't dedicated lay communities, monks and nuns wouldn't be able to survive or offer their understanding of the Dhamma to others!


:anjali:
DiamondNgXZ
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Re: Balancing Dhamma and Married Laylife

Post by DiamondNgXZ »

mabw wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 10:11 am Greetings,

To married Buddhists here, I would like to hear how you live a Buddhist married life with kids.
I can only talk for my dad and mom. They are active in their local Buddhist societies again, after some break from raising young kids. They used to be active even as youths. They helped formed a new meditation centre when I was young, and I got into Buddhism via the Sunday Dhamma school. So part of being a Buddhist parent is to help propagate the Dhamma to your kids, spend the weekends for Buddhism, much like the Christians do.

Still, many arguments, etc part of the suffering of married life. It's not easy going for retreats with family, basically, when the kids are still not independent, have to take turns. It can mean sacrificing family holidays. Or can deposit the kids with grandparents and go to retreats together.

One of the harder part is to know how to let go of kids when they are grown up, by that time, it's very good to devote more time to your own spiritual practise.

As I see it, even long time married couple can abstain from sex cause there's no more romance in the relationship, and it's not an issue for divorce. It's just that if you're getting married to enjoy sex for life, be disappointed, it'll likely just last a few decades, that is if you married young and keep the marriage going.
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Aloka
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Re: Balancing Dhamma and Married Laylife

Post by Aloka »

mabw wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 10:11 am Greetings,

To married Buddhists here, I would like to hear how you live a Buddhist married life with kids. This is not a thread about getting married or not, or having kids or not.

Causes and conditions have just made me conclude that married life is something that I want to pursue. Not having many friends in meatspace, the Buddhists, I meet online, monk and lay, often advocate a celibate life. It's not something I can do, sorry. And reading a little too much of such views has just been a downward spiral for me spiritually, since it has more than once made me consider whether to give up on the whole Buddhist project entirely since at times it just seems so dour and difficult. I tell myself, Buddhism is realistic not pessimistic, but if i'm not ready to be celibate, then it is not healthy to keep forcing myself to be.

So, the only way I see myself going long term on the path is, while still having one foot in the samsaric world, and to have another foot learning and practising Buddhism.

Thank you in advance.
Hi mabw,

There are often "family days" (and weekends) at Buddhist centres here in the UK, which indicates that plenty of people seem to still be able to cope with jobs, partners, children, and their Dhamma practice, so don't worry too much.


...and remember that monks and nuns and their monasteries wouldn't be able to survive without the support of helpful lay communities!

With metta,

Aloka :anjali:


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mabw
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Re: Balancing Dhamma and Married Laylife

Post by mabw »

Thanks Aloka. My sentiments exactly. =)
asahi
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Re: Balancing Dhamma and Married Laylife

Post by asahi »

mabw wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 10:11 am Greetings,

To married Buddhists here, I would like to hear how you live a Buddhist married life with kids. This is not a thread about getting married or not, or having kids or not.

Causes and conditions have just made me conclude that married life is something that I want to pursue. Not having many friends in meatspace, the Buddhists, I meet online, monk and lay, often advocate a celibate life. It's not something I can do, sorry. And reading a little too much of such views has just been a downward spiral for me spiritually, since it has more than once made me consider whether to give up on the whole Buddhist project entirely since at times it just seems so dour and difficult. I tell myself, Buddhism is realistic not pessimistic, but if i'm not ready to be celibate, then it is not healthy to keep forcing myself to be.

So, the only way I see myself going long term on the path is, while still having one foot in the samsaric world, and to have another foot learning and practising Buddhism.

Thank you in advance.
Hi i am married . My wife also buddhist but yet to delve deeper dhamma . "Difficult" is the word for a person married . So is everything living in the society . Regardless of whether we are buddhist or not , we have to stay competent . Learn all necessary skills and knowledges to survive and be realistic . The pessimistic attitude crept in when we are not successful in worldly achievements and not in harmony with family .
No bashing No gossiping
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