should I marry or be single?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

SteRo wrote: Sun Sep 27, 2020 8:21 pm
confusedlayman wrote: Sat Sep 26, 2020 4:17 am
SteRo wrote: Fri Sep 25, 2020 10:46 pm

Now, one year later, don't you laugh at this former stupidity?
Im still in delimma
So there's been no progress? Or has the quality of dilemma changed at least?
I dont want to marry as i cant handle the death of attachment ( wife or kids etc)

But i still have lust which means i enjoy xx with random women in my day dream mindn
dont think
SteRo
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by SteRo »

confusedlayman wrote: Mon Sep 28, 2020 1:23 am But i still have lust which means i enjoy xx with random women in my day dream mindn
To have xx you don't need to be married but you should avoid causing pregnancies because these might put all the worldly burdon of family life on you.
Exhaling अ and inhaling धीः amounts to བྷྲཱུཾ་བི་ཤྭ་བི་ཤུད་དྷེ
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Mahabrahma
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Mahabrahma »

Intercourse comes with Love, it is not a standalone thing, nor should it be something one should pursue without pursuing a romantic relationship with someone. If you get addicted to the physical aspect of it instead of focusing on the Spiritual and emotional, it may turn to lust. So purse romantic relationships in compassionate and Buddhist ways, and leave whether you have intercourse as a secondary thing, because that is not the all-in-all for relationships. Relationships are about two people Loving eachother immensely, even if they are physically miles apart.
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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

SteRo wrote: Tue Sep 29, 2020 6:04 am
confusedlayman wrote: Mon Sep 28, 2020 1:23 am But i still have lust which means i enjoy xx with random women in my day dream mindn
To have xx you don't need to be married but you should avoid causing pregnancies because these might put all the worldly burdon of family life on you.
Imbfollowing celebacy
dont think
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Mahabrahma
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Mahabrahma »

Feel good about being celibate. You're doing it by choice even if part of you sometimes feels like you are desiring to be with someone. That desire will be there until you replace it with something fully Spiritual. Like Temple duties, a full meditation schedule, and full absorption in preaching the Dharma. If you start doing what you want to do fully as a Buddhist, Buddhism, as it it meant to be, will make you fully happy and fulfilled to the point of you having no craving for sensual pleasure, and the decision of whether or not to be celibate will be trivial.
SteRo
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by SteRo »

confusedlayman wrote: Tue Sep 29, 2020 10:14 am
SteRo wrote: Tue Sep 29, 2020 6:04 am
confusedlayman wrote: Mon Sep 28, 2020 1:23 am But i still have lust which means i enjoy xx with random women in my day dream mindn
To have xx you don't need to be married but you should avoid causing pregnancies because these might put all the worldly burden of family life on you.
Imbfollowing celebacy
That also saves you from the worldly burden of family life.
Exhaling अ and inhaling धीः amounts to བྷྲཱུཾ་བི་ཤྭ་བི་ཤུད་དྷེ
bhooooo
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by bhooooo »

ahhh sexuality and its driving force, blissful and brutal at the same time! I read through the discussion: different perspectives were raised, some in my opinion were unnecessarily negative or dictated by flowing lust. I understand them though, the topic justifies them and sometimes in my overthinking streak I also crossed them!
I agree with most of the arguments though:
- sharing a living space with someone is hard work and it will never feel like being on our own;
- western society and its relationships have become volatile: to give a metaphor it takes less effort to ask for a pen when you need one than to bring your own from home. Likewise, long lasting unions and commitments are rare, scary and risky.

At the same time, the grass of the neighbor always seems greener: single desiring partner and partner desiring single. Isn't that the root of the desires and unhappiness we focus on in our practice?
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