Trust me, what i shared did not rub me the wrong way. However, having a tough stance on things is not necessarily the sure sign of mental development everyone is looking for. I also find little use of speculating on the causes of death. Causality is useful to the extent that it is perceived to delay the inevitable death of this conditioned body. Speculating about the causes of death is useless more often than not, except for legal or other civic purposes.BlackBird wrote: ↑Sat Oct 24, 2020 5:24 am I didn't know Dylan, I don't post here often, but reading the shine thread made me cognizant of a complexity for which I can certainly empathise. There was some suggestion that Dylan was abusing drugs or something. And here Bundkoji, you cite him saying some stuff that rubbed you and others the wrong way. As both a former drug addict, and somebody who has posted no shortage of things here in years long past that have rubbed people the wrong way, I don't think you should discount the ability for people to mature and change, especially someone such as Dylan who was still on the short side of full frontal lobe development.
My cousin was not difficult to me, but probably to his family, I was merely describing a biased view of the deceased which causes unnecessary suffering. For example, the mother of my cousin went to his grave and planted thyme because he enjoyed eating thyme when he was alive! When having a romanticized image about the deceased becomes the norm, people will begin to circulate such stories as if its conveying something significant (instead of seeing it as unnecessary suffering). The Buddhist way, which is the compassionate way, is to help people get back to their senses by highlighting what is often overlooked.Bundkoji you raise an interesting point regarding our social norm of "don't speak ill of the dead" I am inclined to agree that there is a place of viewing people who have passed within the context and complexity of their actions. I know when I die, I don't want people to whitewash my past, but perhaps that is due in part to the fact that I wear much of it as a badge of pride, that I have been able to overcome and turn my life back towards something wholesome and positive. And I just wonder, whether your example of your cousin at 40, still being a big gambler and being difficult to you and his family, may not be good comparison for a young Buddhist who had certain black and white thinking, and some personal issues.
For example, reflecting on the impurities of the body is a genuine Buddhist practice to counter sexual desire (which is the flip side of death according to some theories). Buddhist teachers, such as Ajahn Chah, advised his disciple when encountering an attractive women to imagine them defecating. The aim is not downgrading women, but to highlight aspects of the nature of the body that we work hard on hiding (by keeping it clean or by defecating in private).
I should admit that the equanimity gained by views is not lasting, but it is a genuine Buddhist practice nonetheless.
I am wondering why the examples i provided are seen as faults? And while death can be seen as you described it, a denial of the opportunity to grow and advance, overestimating this ability can be a cause of much stress to individuals. When this ability to advance is overly emphasized, a mere description of actions that do not meet the ideal are often interpreted as "finding faults".Dylan, for whatever fault you find with him, has been denied that opportunity to grow and advance. We all say silly shit from time to time, even sotapannas are not immune from hurting people with words. Anyone can fall into drug problems, and this is no less true of those who stare long enough into the abyss of terror that lies at the heart of this tangle we call existence.
This state of imperfection is maintained through having too much faith in solutions. These solutions are good enough to maintain this state of imperfection, but not to reach a state of perfection.So perhaps we can admit Dylan, like almost all of us, was not perfect. He was complex, as many of us are. Maybe that's ok, to be complex to not be wholly good, but to have erred. Maybe that should not colour too much how you view him.