Sam Vara wrote: ↑Sat Feb 13, 2021 9:06 am
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Also good:
“THE NECESSITY OF CELIBACY
Practice of celibacy is always beneficial. Even for a lay person, who is not necessarily Buddhist or familiar with the Dhamma. The obvious reason for its benefits is the inevitable increase of the mental strength that comes with the restraint. This restraint is intentional and aims at a very powerful desire that otherwise shapes and controls one’s whole life. Sensuality/sexuality is something that heavily contributes towards defining one’s actions and choices. It is something that has at least some influence in virtually all of them.
Thus, adopting a practice of restraint of the sensual desire, a person will be going against that grain of the natural sexual pull of one’s own body. Through willingly imposing this restraint, the mind will be pressured to grow – in terms of strength and in terms of enduring of itself. (As the case with any strength development is. Gradually increasing resistance, increases the capacity to hold the very same.)
Sometimes people think that not having sexual intercourse is all that being celibate means. That doesn’t constitute the celibacy we are talking about here. The difference is to not be celibate only because the current circumstances are presenting no options, but to actually be celibate as a result of determination and practice of restraint.”
https://www.hillsidehermitage.org/the-n ... -celibacy/
I think the last paragraph makes a good point. There is a difference between being voluntary celibate and being an incel. I think someone could easily delude themselves into thinking they are
practicing celibacy simply because they can’t get a partner and sex, when in fact it’s simply a case of not currently being able to indulge in it. You have to not only refrain from all sexual activity, which I admit can be hard at times, but also be mentally prepared to live alone and to accept that you might very well die alone, as well as having the strength to say no when a potential partner comes along which, for many people, also means renouncing having any children.
Due to how I view the Dhamma I think subtle feelings of loneliness will always present themselves due to contact at the mind base. A life of celibacy doesn’t get rid of all that. I don’t think they completely disappear even for Arahants. The trick is to live with those mental contacts wisely. It’s a lifelong thing.