Question having children

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
mario92
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Question having children

Post by mario92 »

Namaste i want to ask a question: is it wise to have children? My plan in life was to earn enough money to be able to live in monastery and ordain. But what if i dont succeed? Do child are needed when one had grown old in the body? What is your opinion?

Also i want to ask another question: is it wise to have non buddhist friends? Sometimes i think that if i would not live with my family i would not learn certain aspects of mundane life, i think this can apply to friends when they advise about certain things and may be of help.
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Ceisiwr
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Re: Question having children

Post by Ceisiwr »

I’m 33 this year. I don’t have kids nor do I plan on having any. Having children does mean greater attachment to the world, one that can be very difficult to overcome and it can be the condition for a great deal of dukkha. It is possible to have children and awaken of course, but I image even reaching stream-entry will be harder. It’s a deep bond to give up. That being said, it’s not wrong if you have children. Ultimate it is for you to decide which path to take.
"Visākhā, those who have a hundred dear ones have a hundred sufferings. Those who have ninety dear ones have ninety sufferings. Those who have eighty... seventy... sixty... fifty... forty... thirty... twenty... ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... Those who have one dear one have one suffering. Those who have no dear ones have no sufferings. They are free from sorrow, free from stain, free from lamentation, I tell you."

Then, on realizing the significance of that, the Blessed One on that occasion exclaimed:

The sorrows, lamentations,
the many kinds of suffering in the world,
exist dependent on something dear.

They don't exist
when there's nothing dear.
And thus blissful & sorrowless
are those for whom nothing
in the world is anywhere dear.

So one who aspires
to the stainless & sorrowless
shouldn't make anything dear
in the world,
anywhere.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
Mendicants, a mendicant who has five things will soon penetrate the unshakable. What five? It’s when a mendicant has attained the analytical knowledge of meaning, the analytical knowledge of Dhamma, the analytical knowledge of language, the analytical knowledge of discernment and they review the extent of their mind’s freedom. A mendicant who has these five things will soon penetrate the unshakable.”

AN 5.95
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Ceisiwr
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Re: Question having children

Post by Ceisiwr »

mario92 wrote: Wed Mar 24, 2021 5:46 pm Also i want to ask another question: is it wise to have non buddhist friends? Sometimes i think that if i would not live with my family i would not learn certain aspects of mundane life, i think this can apply to friends when they advise about certain things and may be of help.
It’s fine to have non-Buddhist friends. It’s unwise to have bad friends.
Mendicants, a mendicant who has five things will soon penetrate the unshakable. What five? It’s when a mendicant has attained the analytical knowledge of meaning, the analytical knowledge of Dhamma, the analytical knowledge of language, the analytical knowledge of discernment and they review the extent of their mind’s freedom. A mendicant who has these five things will soon penetrate the unshakable.”

AN 5.95
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Sam Vara
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Re: Question having children

Post by Sam Vara »

mario92 wrote: Wed Mar 24, 2021 5:46 pm Namaste i want to ask a question: is it wise to have children? My plan in life was to earn enough money to be able to live in monastery and ordain. But what if i dont succeed? Do child are needed when one had grown old in the body? What is your opinion?

Also i want to ask another question: is it wise to have non buddhist friends? Sometimes i think that if i would not live with my family i would not learn certain aspects of mundane life, i think this can apply to friends when they advise about certain things and may be of help.
The answer to your first question depends on your attitude, and where you live. I've never seen my children as an insurance policy for when I get older, but that may be because I don't need to.

It's wise to have non-Buddhist friends if they are wise. It's unwise to reject friendship purely on grounds of religion. True friendship is always valuable.
SarathW
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Re: Question having children

Post by SarathW »

Do not have children expecting some thing back from them. Plan your own independent retirement. If you get anything back from your children, family and the society it is a bonus. Monk hood is not an alternative to a retirement plan.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
dharmacorps
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Re: Question having children

Post by dharmacorps »

Depends on one's motivation to have children. If your motivation is to have someone to take care of you when you are old, its probably not a very good motivation because it is self-centered (it is also flawed; there is no garuntee your child will care for you). If you want to have children because you love your spouse and want to raise children, then that is a good motivation. If you want to have kids because everybody else does, its probably a neutral motivation.
mario92
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Re: Question having children

Post by mario92 »

Thanks all for the answers :namaste:
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cappuccino
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Re: Question having children

Post by cappuccino »

mario92 wrote: Wed Mar 24, 2021 5:46 pm a question: is it wise to have children?
your life goes differently if you start on the spiritual path


things that would have happened do not happen


even nice things that you might regret
"All men's souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine." -Socrates
Good for Your Soul
anagaarika
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Re: Question having children

Post by anagaarika »

I´d say it is very likely going to take a great toll on your formal practice. Obviously I have never had children but from what I heard even one child can consume a huge portion of your time, energy and money. Also imagine this is going to last for quite some time. If you want to have more children, it gets even worse. I think Theravada in general is not very compatible with family life - it is quite individualistic and requires a lot of sitting meditation. There are other Buddhist schools that are very different in this regard, many of their followers don´t actually meditate at all :D These are all points you may take into consideration.
bhooooo
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Re: Question having children

Post by bhooooo »

cappuccino wrote: Sun Mar 28, 2021 7:27 pm
mario92 wrote: Wed Mar 24, 2021 5:46 pm a question: is it wise to have children?
your life goes differently if you start on the spiritual path


things that would have happened do not happen


even nice things that you might regret
is the choice reversible? is it even a choice?
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cappuccino
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Re: Question having children

Post by cappuccino »

bhooooo wrote: Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:00 pm is the choice reversible? is it even a choice?
stream-entry is irreversible
"All men's souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine." -Socrates
Good for Your Soul
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cappuccino
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Re: Question having children

Post by cappuccino »

"Monks, there are these six rewards in realizing the fruit of stream-entry. Which six? One is certain of the true Dhamma. One is not subject to falling back. There is no suffering over what has had a limit placed on it. One is endowed with uncommon knowledge. One rightly sees cause, along with causally-originated phenomena.

"These are the six rewards in realizing the fruit of stream-entry."

Anisansa Sutta
"All men's souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine." -Socrates
Good for Your Soul
bhooooo
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Re: Question having children

Post by bhooooo »

cappuccino wrote: Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:46 pm "Monks, there are these six rewards in realizing the fruit of stream-entry. Which six? One is certain of the true Dhamma. One is not subject to falling back. There is no suffering over what has had a limit placed on it. One is endowed with uncommon knowledge. One rightly sees cause, along with causally-originated phenomena.

"These are the six rewards in realizing the fruit of stream-entry."

Anisansa Sutta
thanks for sharing! How does one come across the fruit of stream-entry?
Feels like once a being comes across Dhamma, it's hard to unlearn it, forget it or insist in worldy attachments...
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cappuccino
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Re: Question having children

Post by cappuccino »

bhooooo wrote: Thu Apr 01, 2021 10:32 am How does one come across the fruit of stream-entry?
For it is possible that a virtuous monk, attending in an appropriate way to these five clinging-aggregates as inconstant... not-self, would realize the fruit of stream-entry.

Silavant Sutta: Virtuous
"All men's souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine." -Socrates
Good for Your Soul
SteRo
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Re: Question having children

Post by SteRo »

mario92 wrote: Wed Mar 24, 2021 5:46 pm Namaste i want to ask a question: is it wise to have children?
Image
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Exhaling अ and inhaling धीः amounts to བྷྲཱུཾ་བི་ཤྭ་བི་ཤུད་དྷེ . (This is the esoteric essence of the yoga of continuous flow which is no different from the universal flux of materiality. Therefore exoteric natural science provides vital guidelines.) अञ्जलि वागीश्वर
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