Ideal Wife

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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DooDoot
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by DooDoot »

retrofuturist wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 11:40 am It's the six year wedding anniversary for me and my ideal wife today.
So your wife is a once-returner come non-returner or whatever. :shock:
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

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retrofuturist
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings,
DooDoot wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 11:50 am So your wife is a once-returner come non-returner or whatever. :shock:
I could write a very imaginative and creative story saying she has been that since the age of seven. Would that suffice? :D

Honestly though... very good sila. 😎👌

Metta,
Paul. :)
"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"Why now do you assume 'a being'? Mara, have you grasped a view?" (SN 5.10)

"Overcome the liar by truth." (Dhp 223)
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Ceisiwr
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by Ceisiwr »

So what should I look out for as an ideal husband, if I ever decided to have one?
“When serenity is developed, what purpose does it serve? The mind is developed. And when the mind is developed, what purpose does it serve? Lust is abandoned.”

“When insight is developed, what purpose does it serve? Wisdom is developed. And when wisdom is developed, what purpose does it serve? Ignorance is abandoned."


AN 2.31
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DooDoot
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Re: Ideal Wife

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Ceisiwr wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 12:12 pm So what should I look out for as an ideal husband, if I ever decided to have one?
Suttas say the ideal husband:
E. A sympathetic husband: There are a number of conditions peculiar to a woman about which a husband should be considerate and to which he should respond with care and sympathy. They are:

She must be parted from her kin despite her young age to live with her husband's family: the husband should make her feel at home.

She has a monthly period, which sometimes causes vacillations in her physical and mental states: the husband needs to understand this.

She may be with child, at which times she needs special care and attention, both physical and mental.

She may give birth, which is an extremely painful and even life-threatening time: the husband should look after his wife as if her suffering were his own.

She must submit to the wants of her husband: the husband should not do just as he pleases, but appreciate her attention and respond to it thoughtfully.

(After S.IV.239)
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

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TRobinson465
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by TRobinson465 »

DooDoot wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 12:14 pm
E. A sympathetic husband: There are a number of conditions peculiar to a woman about which a husband should be considerate and to which he should respond with care and sympathy. They are:

She must be parted from her kin despite her young age to live with her husband's family: the husband should make her feel at home.

She has a monthly period, which sometimes causes vacillations in her physical and mental states: the husband needs to understand this.

She may be with child, at which times she needs special care and attention, both physical and mental.

She may give birth, which is an extremely painful and even life-threatening time: the husband should look after his wife as if her suffering were his own.

She must submit to the wants of her husband: the husband should not do just as he pleases, but appreciate her attention and respond to it thoughtfully.

(After S.IV.239)
Im interested in reading this full sutta. can you provide a link?
"Do not have blind faith, but also no blind criticism" - the 14th Dalai Lama

"At Varanasi, in the Deer Park at Isipatana, the Blessed One has set in motion the unexcelled Wheel of Dhamma that cannot be stopped by brahmins, devas, Maras, Brahmas or anyone in the cosmos." -Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta

"Go forth, monks, for the good of the many, for the happiness of the many, out of compassion for the world, for the welfare, the good and the happiness of gods and men. Let no two of you go in the same direction." - First Khandhaka, Chapter 11, Vinaya.
Bundokji
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by Bundokji »

I think morality is the cornerstone for any successful relationship. Also some temperaments match better than others.

I remember in 2012, i traveled to India. In Varanasi, i met an interesting man and we had a conversation. He offered his services to help me find a suitable wife!!

What would be the ideal wife for someone who hates commitment? :popcorn:
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"

This was the last word of the Tathagata.
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DooDoot
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by DooDoot »

TRobinson465 wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 6:06 pm
DooDoot wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 12:14 pm (After S.IV.239)
Im interested in reading this full sutta. can you provide a link?
The commentary of P.A. Payutto I posted is an extrapolation of SN 37.3 rather than a literal teaching.

Other relevant more literal suttas are AN 4.55, AN 4.53 and DN 31.
"In five ways, young householder, should a wife as the West be ministered to by a husband:

(i) by being courteous to her,
(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.

"The wife thus ministered to as the West by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five ways:

(i) she performs her duties well,
(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants
(iii) she is faithful,
(iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.

"In these five ways does the wife show her compassion to her husband who ministers to her as the West. Thus is the West covered by him and made safe and secure.

DN 31
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

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Sam Vara
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by Sam Vara »

Ceisiwr wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 12:12 pm So what should I look out for as an ideal husband, if I ever decided to have one?
Someone who shuns the synthetic a priori like the plague.
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Ceisiwr
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by Ceisiwr »

Sam Vara wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 8:24 pm
Ceisiwr wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 12:12 pm So what should I look out for as an ideal husband, if I ever decided to have one?
Someone who shuns the synthetic a priori like the plague.
:rofl:
“When serenity is developed, what purpose does it serve? The mind is developed. And when the mind is developed, what purpose does it serve? Lust is abandoned.”

“When insight is developed, what purpose does it serve? Wisdom is developed. And when wisdom is developed, what purpose does it serve? Ignorance is abandoned."


AN 2.31
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Aloka
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by Aloka »

Bundokji wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 7:23 pm
What would be the ideal wife for someone who hates commitment? :popcorn:
A doll perhaps ? .... try Googling "Bodybuilder weds his 'sex doll' !

.
Bundokji
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by Bundokji »

Aloka wrote: Sun Apr 18, 2021 8:40 pm A doll perhaps ? .... try Googling "Bodybuilder weds his 'sex doll' !
One can be sure that she wont complain whatever he does!
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"

This was the last word of the Tathagata.
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cappuccino
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Re: Ideal Wife

Post by cappuccino »

TRobinson465 wrote: Sat Apr 17, 2021 11:54 pm Visakha …
There are cases like Visakha, who was a sotapanna at 7 years… after, she got married. Even after… Visakha will spend a long time in samsara - but only in very good conditions.


Thus sotapanna and sakadagami can still enjoy sex. Nevertheless, they are on the path that gradually wears away sense desire…
"All men's souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine." -Socrates
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